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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with Dh who always says he is ill whenever I am?

91 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 15/12/2009 17:01

I woke with a cold today and I turned round to DH and said 'my throat is killing me and I have a headache'. His reply was 'So have I!!!'

He seems fine and it just really annoys me because he always has to have whatever I have! And worse!

Bloody man flu. He is whistling away in the kitchen just now while I still have my headache after a full day with the 2 DS's.

OP posts:
BigHairyLeggedReindeer · 15/12/2009 20:51

Oh thank god! I was beginning to think that my otherwise lovely man was a weirdo!

I've got a headache - he's had one all day. I've got period pain - he's felt Ropey all day. I'm ill - he's exhausted.

It gets right on my nerves, or did till I saw this thread. I might just try and find it funny now.

StealthPolarBear · 15/12/2009 20:56

mine does exactly the same, we have family headaches now because I can never just have one on my own
Worst thing is when I'm ill, then start to feel better and I get sort of euphoric when I feel better - then he starts with it.
Ad the tiredness...

releasethehounds · 15/12/2009 21:02

Ok so we may both be ill with the same thing at the same time - granted. So why am I still:- taking the kids to school, cooking tea, walking the dog, going to work etc and he's in bed?

clam · 15/12/2009 21:14

My DH had the gold bloody medal for doing this. Until I pointed out that he was obviously the sickly type, as he always seemed to suffer more than I did with bugs. That offended his manly pride and he now makes feeble attempts to be heroic.

The other day he asked me why I was so tired. I got halfway through the first sentence of explaining (after my incredulous look of "is that a serious question" was missed) when he interrupted with "you think you're tired! What about me?

It's pathetic.

chocolatecosmos · 15/12/2009 21:25

Good question release the hounds. I felt really bad a while back and kept saying so. Dh also felt bad and lay in bed all day, so it fell to me to do the school run, feed ds and the baby, laundry etc. I actually believed he felt worse than me- sucker. It was swine flu and I ended up in hospital. It probably got worse because I did not rest.
Even then, when I was discharged, he announced that he thought his was getting a lot worse too- cue more bed rest. He was fine.

whiskersonkittens · 15/12/2009 21:46

lol my dh is just the same!
He is a workaholic so I have started telling him he must stay in bed and rest and not go to work until he feels much better - usually works uness he then comes back and has a relapse which annoys me intensely . He is better than he was tho - even manages to get his own lemsip and not tell me

Mind you, I was signed off work sick for a couple of weeks earlier this year and still had to do the school run every day!

catsmother · 15/12/2009 23:28

Mine does this too and although much of this thread has been quite light hearted, it bloody well pisses me off as in reality, I think it's very mean and rather passive aggressive. It feels as if he's avoiding offering either help or sympathy by playing the "I'm ill too" card ...... funny just how often he mentions nothing and seems in fine fettle until I happen to say I've got a bad stomach, migraine or back ache. And even "funnier" how often his symptoms co-incidentally resemble mine.

On the very few occasions when even he couldn't claim to have parallel symptoms, he has been helpful ... so when I had a gallbladder operation he was very attentive, but where there's any room for doubt (i.e. I'm not actually in hospital ) then it almost appears I'm not "allowed" to be ill. I'm convinced this is because - shock horror - he might then have to sort out meals, or try to remember where the hoover lives. So my ailments are effectively "cancelled out" by his.

beckie222 · 15/12/2009 23:45

My dh is exactly the same, when I mention I have something wrong he automatically says "yeah so have I"

When I was heavily pg I said one day "oh my fanjo feels sore today", his response "yeah mine too", He was totally caught out, it's just an automatic response which he doesn't even mean

CardyMow · 15/12/2009 23:50

at beckie!! I had a severe seizure that landed me in hospital for 48 hrs. I got home (and was told to bed rest....fat chance!) ex-H was 'coming down with the flu' and went to bed, so I had to do the school run, cos he was dying..... Wonder why he's the ex-H??

alypaly · 15/12/2009 23:52

have we got the same partner. Mine has always had whatever i get at some stage in his life or he knows someone who has had something similar. arggggh its so boring. I just say yes dear yes dear.man flu man flu

YanknChristmasCrackers · 15/12/2009 23:52

beckie!

Same in our house, glad to read this and know it isn't just DH. Makes me slightly less annoyed somehow.

alypaly · 15/12/2009 23:55

the other annoying thing is, when you remind them how often they are ill...they deny it and cant remember. I am always telling my BF that he has too many headaches and to go to see Gp. Then he blows me down in flames and says he hasnt had one for ages. Men....gah

YanknChristmasCrackers · 16/12/2009 00:02

alypaly, I get so annoyed with DH for not even attempting to help himself. To the point now where if he complains of being itchy, I have no sympathy whatsoever and tell him I don't want to hear it. He knows he needs to take a daily antihistimine and moisturise his skin after showering, and that will make it better. If he's not done those things, I refuse to listen to it!

tigerbear · 16/12/2009 00:08

Excellent to hear that they all do it!
During the summer I came down with a bad cold and was really under the weather, only for DH to get it far worse.
He told everyone he had swine flu, even though he was never officially diagnosed. Bollox was it - it was just a bad cold!

Goodness knows what it would be like if men had to have periods each month, or give birth. We'd never hear the end of it!

alypaly · 16/12/2009 00:12

mine complains of headaches and diaorrhea constantly.yet wont take anything or see doc.I'm sure it is just a habit. He also complains about how tired he is all the time. im sure he has nothing else to talk about. I know exactly what you mean when you say oh my stomach hurts and then next blardy minute its 'so does mine,its been twinging all week. i do wish he would do something about it before i give him something to complain about. A swift kick in the nether regions might cause REAL pain. i dont think he would know real paion if he had it.i have had had some really bad health issues over the past 5 years but have struggled on as best as i can ,but he is fine but still complaining of stupid things, like a twitchy eye,a pain like a stitch in his side, tennis elbow,tireness,a cough(well stop smoking then)im beginning to wonder if he has depression. Mind you ,i think im getting depression too as i am so sick of listening to it.thank god he doesnt live with me

BEAUTlFUL · 16/12/2009 00:51

LOL Beckie!

My XH was always suffering from symptomless symptoms - tiredness, feeling "weak", a "shiveryness in my bones" . His specialty was asymptomatic flu, without a single cough, sneeze or one-degree increase in temperature.

The twat.

I don't know why men do this. Is it their version of empathy? Or is it really just to jump on the staying-in-bed bandwagon?

BEAUTlFUL · 16/12/2009 00:55

And YES! at their refusal to take any medicine! Vvv irritating.

"I have a banging headache."
"There's Anadin in the bathroom."
"No, it's not that bad."
"Well, shut the buggery-arse up about it then, you hypochondriac twunt."

Grrr.

StealthPolarBear · 16/12/2009 09:03

lol becky
Yes, I keep telling him that he's ill all the time and needs to see the GP. That usually shuts him up.
Although I've been caught out, recently it was adenovirus and he was in a lot of pain for weeks

GirlWiththeMouseyHair · 16/12/2009 13:14

god this annoys me more than anything else - YANBU. The sleep deprivation pisses me off hugely, how the hell can he possibly be more tired than me??? I also get the "I need more sleep than you" bullshit, oh and "you can nap when DS naps", er really? When else would I put the washing out, sort out our mortgage, do the cleaning and tidying (of all his crap strewn all over the house), make his dinner and lunch for the next day AND work from home?!

I get a knot in a bit of my back quite regularly and you can bet as soon as it twinges and I just touch that area, HIS back is in agony and can I spend all night massaging it?

Just annoys me that I don't getsympathy, I'm not asking him to do everything, take a day off work while I lie about in bed, just to say "sorry you feel pants darling, let me get you a cuppa"

PotPourri · 16/12/2009 13:15

Waaah! Mine too. Drives me bloody mad. I have been seriously ill this year, and guess what, he apparently hasn't been well constantly either.... grrrr.

No suggestions of how to deal

MrsJeff · 16/12/2009 13:27

Lordy - can't decide whether I'm relieved or APPALLED that they all seem to be the same! I have just started ignoring MrJeff when he starts "matching and raising" my illness/ tiredness - and leaving the room if he keeps looking for sympathy. At 7 months pregnant my already tested patience has pretty much run out!

forehead · 16/12/2009 13:40

I thought i was the only one who experienced this. My dh suddenly feels ill as soon as i do. I've berated him about this issue, it would be nice to be the only one ill for just one day. As an earlier poster said, it is a tactic men use in order to avoid doing any extra work.

motherbeyond · 16/12/2009 13:41

same here!i agree about the panicking pre-emptive strike.
i think i have a winning story though....after a long labour with my first dc,in the wheel-chair holding dd,whilst awaiting transferral to the maternity ward.
it was obviously all beginning to hit me,not only the sheer physical trauma i had been through,but also the emotional enormity of it all.i was desperate to get into a bed,get settled and have a cup of tea.
then the midwife came in and looked at me kindly and said "and how are we feeling?"
before i could open my mouth my dh piped up(rubbing his brow)
"well,i'm shattered and i've got a right headache!"
all the women in the room just stared at him with their mouths open!
he was like "what?!"

PoppityMerryGentlemen · 16/12/2009 13:43

I might be wrong, and I know this is slightly off subject, but I believe this goes hand in hand with evening conversations along the lines of-

Don't do that washing/tidying/ironing/cleaning now, sit down and relax!

What, so I can do twice as much tomorrow?!!

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 16/12/2009 14:06

Yes Poppity! I get that, my DH says 'you are always running about doing stuff, why don't you go for a nap'. Yes, I'm cleaning up your bloody mess half the time and it wouldn't get done otherwise!

And does anyone else get their DH looking for thanks when they have done anything in the house, like cook the dinner? My DH looks for this but never thanks me for doing the washing, hoovering, cleaning, tidying etc etc etc!

Argh!

OP posts: