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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just downright mean?

101 replies

saladfingers · 14/12/2009 15:53

We visited santa yesterday and my 2 year old DD told 'her' - yes a female santa!- quite clearly that she wanted a pink bike.

We have 2 younger DSs and so opted for the red and yellow trike from the well known toy store as it would be a 'more sensible' hand me down sort of colour!(DP has very old fashioned ideas on gender stereotyping of colours and wouldn't like to see DSs with anything pink, quite funny actually as 18 month old DS1's favourite toy of the moment is older sister's talking mirror that says 'don't you just love being a princess!)

Now i'm feeling quilty, should we return it and get the colour she asked for?

OP posts:
StrictlyKatty · 14/12/2009 18:21

It's a bit weird to only get your DD things that can be passed down IMO. She will want things for GIRLS, will she never get any of them? She asked for a pink bike. Do her brothers only get things she can use too? I doubt it.

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 18:27

Pooexplosion, I'm not suggesting that chilren should always get what they want, or unreasonable demands be given it too. However in this instance the colour seems to have been decided on according to what the DP thinks the little boys may want in the future.

This seems a little unfair as it is the DD's Christmas present, should her choice not come into it at all? (by the way I'm aware that small children are notoriously fickle in their likes/dislikes, but I think the principle of 'we can't get a 'girl's' colour because we won't be able to hand it down' is mistaken.) The world will not end if a little boy rides a pink bike.

I rather think if its your Birthday/christmas gift you get to choose, and any one who gets use after you, takes it as it comes.

lovechoc · 14/12/2009 18:28

i would think practically and want it to be used again for either gender, so i wouldn't go out and get the pink one. she will be happy either way i'm sure.

teameric · 14/12/2009 18:30

YABU she wants a pink one!! My DS is getting a pink ipod, pink is in for boys too you know

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 14/12/2009 18:33

Kurri, if you read the thread you will see that the bike was bought, and then child said she wanted pink. Given that she is 2, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she now had forgotten all about that and wants a space rocket instead. I have serious trouble believing that she will be traumatised and devastated with a yellow and red bike and a pink helmet/tassles.

KTNoo · 14/12/2009 18:33

Wow, reading all this I'm starting to feel a bit mean compared with all of you who strive to give kids exactly what they ask for.

We live abroad and can't really get any toys locally. Despite being organised and buying ahead we have still had to tell our dcs that there is no way they will get some of the things they've asked for.

But they seem fine. They never see any adverts so wouldn't know what's the latest thing to have etc. Or maybe they are going to throw this back at me later?

Uriel · 14/12/2009 18:34

Get her a pink bike - it'll make her Christmas.

Otherwise you might get the trembly lip and 'but Santa knew I wanted a pink one...'

StrictlyKatty · 14/12/2009 18:35

It's more that everything the DD gets seems to have to fit in with being passed down rather than something she'll actually like

KTNoo · 14/12/2009 18:39

Ok, for small things they can have what they want. But a bike is a big purchase imo. I would definitely buy it to hand down, whether that means the girl gets a red one or the boys get a pink one. Bikes tend not to last more than 2 kids anyway ime.

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 18:40

I did read it pooexplosion, the red trike was bought with the little boys in mind because the DP thinks pink is a girls colour. I disagree with him, pink is just a colour. If the bike was being bought for a DS and handed on to a DD, I doubt anyone would have a problem with it being blue or whatever, but because people get worked up about pink being for girls its an issue the other way round.

The criterion on which I would choose a particular colour trike for a child would be that child's personal preference.

MadameDefarge · 14/12/2009 18:43

KTNoo, if it is possible to give one's child what they want, why not do it?

Ds wants loads of things this xmas. He is only getting one of them from me. But it is something he wants.

He is not going to huff and flounce because he doesn't get all the rest, despite being bombarded with ads all the time. Because he is a nice little boy and will appreciate that I have tried to get him something he genuinely wants. If I had bought him what he wants in pink, simply because I wanted to be able to pass it on to his (imaginary) little sister, he would be justified in feeling aggrieved.

A little less passive aggressive insinuations of "spoiling' our dcs simply because some of us think actually giving your dcs something they want is a nice thing to do, if it is possible.

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 18:44

Its not about getting kids everything they ask for, the bike had already been decided on, and not considered unreasonable.

Saying 'you can't have a pink bike because the boys won't like it (implication - their preference is more important than yours) is different from saying 'You can't have a bike because it is too expensive/not suitable etc.'

StrictlyKatty · 14/12/2009 18:48

I agree Kurri Kurri. There is no point buying a present for someone unless it is actually for them. A bike that her brothers will like is hardly for the DD is it?

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 14/12/2009 18:49

But she hadn't expressed a preference at that point, so it wasn't an issue.
I agree that pink is just a colour and it shouldn't matter for a boy. But, as much as I tell him different, mt 5 year old boy does not agree, and would not sit on a pink bike if you paid him. I've taught him to be gender neutral, that theres no such thing as girls and boys colours or anything else, but he doesn't believe me.

And kitty, its not pink itself that many of us have a problem with, its the marketing, advertising and cultural normalisation of pink sparkly fluffy things for girls and blue hard strong things for boys that pisses us off. Especially when we can see the effect it has on our children despite our best efforts.

KTNoo · 14/12/2009 18:51

I also try to give my dcs what they want, within reason. But if for whatever reason its not going to happen, it's not the end of the world. That's all I'm saying.

Also it's not a case of my dcs wanting loads of things, more that they don't get (as they believe in Santa) that because we tend to buy as early as summer, when we're home, it's then difficult when they start telling us in November what they want. It's just not going to happen and they might complain but it's tough and they'll get over it.

I even tell them they are priveleged which may not go down well on here, but they are and they can see it by looking around them.

Mincepiedermama · 14/12/2009 18:56

We painted a 'girly' coloured bike into 'boy' colours for my ds once. It passed.

canella · 14/12/2009 18:57

i think half the posters here think this child is 12 - she's 2 FFS!!! she will have forgotten by xmas day that she asked santa for a pink bike.

No-on is saying the ds's are moe important - they are just as a family planning for the future rather than spending a lot of money twice over and also giving their dd what she asked for - a bike!!!!

makes me properly shocked that the majority think all dc should get whatever they ask for or they'll be scarred for life! what is christmas coming to!

lovechoc · 14/12/2009 19:00

agree with you canella - no wonder so many children are spoilt brats. at 2yo, her DD isn't going to know any better if it's green with polka dots, or pink or multi-coloured. a bike is a bike and if you can save money along the way all the better!

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 19:03

Oh Pooexplosion, I am going to agree with you (at last) with regard to the marketing of pink fluffiness. But I think the actual colour is a bit of a red herring in some ways. My main gripe (although I am not generally a gripey person) is with the over riding of preference issue in favour of the boys.

It sounds as if your little boy would not be desperately pleased if he was given a pink bike because it needed to be handed on at some point to girls. Because he does not like that colour. The same presumably applies (with different colours) to the OP's DD.

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 19:05

Canella - they don't have to get two lots of trikes just one. The little girl prefers pink, and its her gift.

KTNoo · 14/12/2009 19:08

But from what the OP said they will not hand down a pink bike to the boys and will therefore end up buying another. Which is why they made the sensible decision to buy a red one.

I would do the same.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 15/12/2009 07:57

FFS its not about spoiling her get a grip.

piscesmoon · 15/12/2009 08:13

She will be thrilled with any colour bike. Talking to Santa is about what you hope to get-it isn't setting anything in stone. I always told mine that you had to allow for the fact that Santa was open to suggestions but had his own ideas!

ChippingIn · 15/12/2009 10:35

Make her day and change it for the PINK bike. As many others have said, when it's time for it to be passed onto the boys, give it a spray paint - whatever colour they would like - be it pink, orange or striped! (and I am guessing the boys will just 'get' the bike, it probably wont be given as a Christmas present!).

As for the people who say she is only 2 and she wont know, maybe your 2 year old can't speak or wouldn't notice or care, but not all 2 year olds are like that!! Some are actually quite bright, articulate, observant little people!

How do some of you get 'spoilt' out of this situation?? The little girl is getting a bike for Christmas (pretty standard christmas present for many, many years now (no offence OP, it's a great present but hardly unprecedented!) and there is the option to change it, to the one she asked Santa for (in this case a pink one) and at no extra cost even... how is that 'spoiling'??

southernsoftie · 15/12/2009 10:37

You would have BU if you had bought the bike knowing that she wanted a pink one but as you bought it first I would not swap it now but get pink accessories instead.

For what it is worth we bought ds a red and yellow bike that turned out to be a bit too big. I then bought a smaller pink one for him to get started on knowing he would only use it for a couple of months and it could then be passed down to his dsis. So both dcs started on a pink bike then moved on to the red and yellow one. Neither is showing any sign of trauma/mental scarring yet, maybe I should start to look out for the signs.