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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or just downright mean?

101 replies

saladfingers · 14/12/2009 15:53

We visited santa yesterday and my 2 year old DD told 'her' - yes a female santa!- quite clearly that she wanted a pink bike.

We have 2 younger DSs and so opted for the red and yellow trike from the well known toy store as it would be a 'more sensible' hand me down sort of colour!(DP has very old fashioned ideas on gender stereotyping of colours and wouldn't like to see DSs with anything pink, quite funny actually as 18 month old DS1's favourite toy of the moment is older sister's talking mirror that says 'don't you just love being a princess!)

Now i'm feeling quilty, should we return it and get the colour she asked for?

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 14/12/2009 16:27

Why should the daughter get one that she doesn't want so that the boys can have one they do want, in order to prevent the boys having one that the husband objects to?

LtEveDallas · 14/12/2009 16:27

She wants the pink one - not red and yellow, so I think its a bit mean not to get her what she wanted (within reason of course).

If you cant afford to replace, how about you buy a tin of metal spray paint (Halfords?) in pink and give the trike a makeover - I'm not saying turn it into a Disney Princessfest - just make it more like she wanted.

Otherwise, take red and yellow one back and buy pink one - but also buy a tin of spray paint in Blue/Silver whatever ready for when you hand it down to DS's

As for being sensible / handing down etc - you may not be able to in any case - we got 2 yr old DD a trike - it couldn't have been used by anyone else after a years use - or maybe my DD is just super hard on toys

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 16:33

Exactly expat. The boys will be perfectly happy on a pink bike, unless he tells them they shouldn't like it.

What I was trying to say before, its not really the colour that's the issue, its the idea that her choice is ignored because your DP thinks boys can't use pink stuff.

Compromise is OK as long as it eventually works out equal, not always in one direction.

FlamingoCrimbo · 14/12/2009 16:35

"will her preference always be compromised when they are chosen?"

This is the most important point. The present is for her not for her brothers and I'm surprised that I'm feeling actually quite angry that you're not getting her what she wants because she has younger brothers .

If it's in good condition, then sell it when she grows out of it. What if your DSs want their own bikes, not a hand-me-down whatever colour it is?

I have four DDs and I still get presents for each individual child, not thinking about whether or not it'll be hand-down-able later on. Otherwise the younger ones would never, ever get proper new stuff, and the older one would never get taken seriously in her own right - only as an oldest sister.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 14/12/2009 16:36

Get a pink one. Respray it for the boys.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 14/12/2009 16:36

I would change it, how often will you be able to make her wishes come true?

winnybella · 14/12/2009 16:37

Get her a pink one.

Original poster
saladfingers · 14/12/2009 16:38

We actually bought a slightly more expensive one as it was sturdy, well built and mostly metal. I think my eldest DD is partly to blame with the pink thing! I dont believe in gender stereotyping either, my eldest had a train before a doll, a garage before a kitchen, however she hit the 'pink stage' all on her own, barbie everything for a few years and lots of glitter. She's out the other side now and is a bit of a tomboy but i really dont think you have much say in the pink/blue boy/girl direction your kid takes as there are so many other influences at work, friends, granny, nursey, tv etc

It is hard work having 3 so young but lots of fun. Eldest DD is 11 and just starting to question the whole santa theory...is that late? not that i care if it is at least the 8 year age gap between her and other 3DC will ensure she doesnt share her secret and ruin the magic...on the other hand when one of the others works it out it will be game over i'm sure...

So how old were you when you stopped believing....i was 13!

OP posts:
Pheebe · 14/12/2009 16:41

Keep the one you've got but 'pink it up' for her. Pink tassles on handle bars, pink seat, pink padded bits and a pick helmet. All removable once its ready to be passed down the line.

coppertop · 14/12/2009 16:44

If your dp feels so strongly about boys not having anything pink then presumably he will be happy to put his money where his mouth is when your boys are old enough for a bike?

It's supposed to be a present for your dd, not her brothers.

MadameDefarge · 14/12/2009 16:47

Get her the pink one, and then respray it, as others have suggested.

I can still remember being utterly gutted when I opened up my longed for play cooking set s to find out my mother had chosen the purple plastic set which had been next to the lovely metal set I had pointed out, and dreamt about for weeks.

Original poster
saladfingers · 14/12/2009 16:48

I must just point something out, we didnt buy the bike already knowing she wanted a pink one. That only came out when she chatted to santa but yes we did consider the hand me down issue when we chose the red one.

I think DP would have found it impossible not to pick a pink one if he'd known what she wanted. We were just trying to be practical.

I take you point lovebeingamummykissingsan
will need to discuss this with DP when he gets in

OP posts:
FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 16:51

She is 2.

If she doesn't get the pink one she might sop believing in Father Christmas. Let her have the magic time of being a child who believes.

coppertop · 14/12/2009 16:52

Oh I see.

Would still be nice to change it though.

mistletoeandjuan · 14/12/2009 17:07

Fab- what if she had asked for a pet elephant?

FlamingoCrimbo · 14/12/2009 17:13

Seriously, Fab? You think children stop believing in Father Christmas because they don't get what they ask for?

All Father Christmasses in Grottos etc. say 'well I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best' and any parent worth their salt surely prepares children for the chance that Santa may not be able to get what they ask for.

FabIsGettingReadyForChristmas · 14/12/2009 17:27

If any of mine had asked for a pet elephant - and actually I have asked DH for one in the past - I would get them a soft toy one.

I said she might not believe.

Don't all jump on me for posting my thoughts. OP asked, I answered.

SE13Mummy · 14/12/2009 18:01

I'm with the OP, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to give a 2-year-old a bike that you've chosen for her with a view to it lasting long enough for her siblings to use it in the future.

My 5-year-old wanted a bike for her 5th birthday. Initially she'd suggested a Barbie one (bizarre as she's not at all into Barbies but it may have been because she'd seen a Barbie bike in the park), then decided a Spiderman one would be preferable. I picked one up from eBay which is bright pink, purple and black as I know she likes these colours. Long before her birthday she announced that what she'd really like is a bike that has a seat on it for her teddy. Luckily for us the eBay bike came with one fixed to it. She was delighted when she was given her bike and there was no mention of the Barbie/Spiderman thing!

Give her the bike and buy her a girly helmet (Halfords do a pink one with red strawberries which would match the red of your DD's bike!) and maybe some tassles.

KurriKurri · 14/12/2009 18:07

I don't think its unreasonable to hand down a trike either SE13Mummy, I do think is unreasonable that for gender stereotyping reasons, that trike cannot be pink.

crankytwanky · 14/12/2009 18:09

Keep the bike and get her pink basket, tassels, helmet etc.

Although, your next children might want their own bikes too from Santa, in which case you couldn't pass it down.

TheGoatofChristmasPast · 14/12/2009 18:10

ffs she is 2 you could give her a potato and she wouldn't give a shite. chances are she will never use the trike anyway.

Meglet · 14/12/2009 18:12

Yanbu.

Stick with the red / yellow one + pink accessories.

Will save money as it will be fine for a hand-me-down in the future.

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 14/12/2009 18:15

The amount of transference onto this child and her feelings is just mental!

Shes TWO! I have a 2 year old, not only can he not say what he would like from Santa, he really couldn't care less. Because hes 2.

For all of those who seem to think that children should always get exactly what they want christmas, god help you when they are asking for DSi's and Wii's and X-boxes. Must get them one of each I suppose. In pink, natch.

selby · 14/12/2009 18:16

I sympathise with the OP too. We deliberately bought DS a silver first proper bike so that it could be handed down to his little sister who is 3 yrs younger. Admittedly, it's an Islabike so not the cheapest of options but I like the quality (my frugal side wants good value too!) We've just ordered DS's next Islabike which will also be a gender neutral red!

sweetkitty · 14/12/2009 18:20

Agree with the other I wouldn't change it but pink it up a bit, few stickers and those pink tassle things, don't go to any hassle changing it.

I don't get this anti-pink thing going on, what is wrong with the colour pink, some girls like it some don't, DD2 is pink through and through, DD2's favourite colour is green as that's the same colour as the Hulk, she has asked Santa for one of those spitting biting dinosaurs, both girls both raised the same way, both expressing their preferences.

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