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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be getting upset by people hoping I have a girl next?

56 replies

mummyof1butnotforlong · 12/12/2009 20:58

Pregnant with baby number 2. My DS is so lovely and I wouldn't change him for the world!

We don't know what sex this baby is and I don't care! BUT everyone else seems to!

"Oh you need a girl next" "I was so glad I had one of each" "every women wants a daughter" the list of comments is endless!

Would it be so bad to have 2 boys??!!

OP posts:
wasabipeanut · 12/12/2009 21:03

No it really wouldn't. I get this quite a lot too. I think people mean well but it does annoy me a bit. I just say that I will be delighted with my second baby no matter what the flavour.

butadream · 12/12/2009 21:04

No, 2 boys are lovely! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

pollyblue · 12/12/2009 21:04

Ah the joys of pregnancy! having to field other people's opinions, I had this too and expect almost every woman has. Just adopt a serene expression and find something bland to say in reply, "as long as it's healthy I'm quite happy" or the like.

FWIW, I have three girls and one of my closest friends has two boys and we're both very happy with our lots now we have them, can't imagine any different. Anther baby is fab, regardless of gender

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 12/12/2009 21:05

Thanks ladies, I thought the odd comment would happen but it really is endless! I get the impression if I had a girl already less would be said about having a boy??!!! People seem a bit down about boys

OP posts:
Firawla · 12/12/2009 21:06

just ignore them, either boy or girl is great for you because its true one of each is something nice, but equally 2 boys would be lovely cos they can grow up together and have a lot in common, so it really doesn't matter which way it goes - whatever u get u would find that the best i think.
just dont take it to heart and tell them u will be equally happy with each. they are probably just trying to make conversation

lovechoc · 12/12/2009 21:07

I'm getting this at the moment too. I'm just shrugging it off now, as I know that two boys would be just as delightful as one of each. As long as they are healthy that's all that matters isn't it.

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 12/12/2009 21:08

True Firawla I just want them to love our new baby!

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 12/12/2009 21:09

Strange isn't it, the things people assume about your pregnancy!
I had 2 DD and everyone assumed both I (and DH) wanted a boy. Not so, we thought 3 girls would be delightful - I think same sex families are really special. I didn't find out until I had a late positioning scan and the consultant kept referring to the baby as "he". Well, thanks for ruining my surprise.
Of course I was delighted to have a boy, but I would have been equally ecstatic with another girl. What does it matter? And think of all the money you save with hand-me-downs!
Enjoy your pregnancy and whatever colour baby you have!

fledtoscotland · 12/12/2009 21:10

I have two boys and they are the best!

MaggieAnFiaRua · 12/12/2009 21:11

i had a girl first and everybody presumed i wanted a boy next, but at that point, i wanted another girl.

now that i have a boy, i realise how insane i was to think i only wanted a girl. boys are so adorable.

if i had a third (never going to happen) i'd have a slight preference for a boy... after telling people i only wanted girls to start off with.

so now anyway after all that, the point is, i never assume i can second guess what somebody else wants.

Boys2mam · 12/12/2009 21:11

My 2 Ds's are 5 and 1 and are really quite adorable.

DP would love a girl but I am happy to stick at 2 - we'll see what the future brings though cos I am fully aware the DC3 could be DS3

LadyOfTheFlowers · 12/12/2009 21:11

I am preg with no.4 and I have 3 boys.

Sonographers think DC4 is a girl.

My scan was 3 weeks ago now and I am still scared and feel weird knowing there is probably a girl in my belly.

I know every comment you have had about it, but I've had it twice over. Obv. some poor MNers would have had it even more.

Think is, now am so say, preg with a girl, the comments are worse.

'Ah, you so DESERVE a girl'

'Bet you are so RELIEVED'

'You can stop 'popping them out' now'

TheCrackFox · 12/12/2009 21:13

Lady, if it had been a boy you would have got the all time classic "you will have a football team soon". Ho, ho, not.

5inthesleighbed · 12/12/2009 21:14

I have three boys, I had the same question when pg with 2 and 3. Now I get, "Are you going to try for a girl next?", do I not look like I have my hands full already, that I am not content with my three boys, or that I am lacking in something because I don't have a daughter?

alicet · 12/12/2009 21:15

Do you know what - when I was in your situation I hoped our dc2 would be a girl. However as I approached the 20 week scan when we were going to find out I started thinking how lovely it would be for ds1 to have a baby brother. And when they said our baby was a boy I was genuinely delighted.

Fast forward 2 years and I couldn't be happier to have my gorgeous 2 sons. We won't be having another but actually if I did I think I would almost prefer a 3rd boy. Don't think this will end if you have a ds2 though - I still get people asking when we are going to try for a girl!

I am sure you will be happy whatever you end up with as there is something nice about 1 of each in just the same way that there is something nice about 2 the same.

So YANBU to be hacked off with this but try and let it wash over you safe in the knowledge that while these people seem to find it such a big deal you will be delighted whatever. And don't worry that they will love your baby less if you have a boy - it won't happen.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 12/12/2009 21:17

Yes Fox, forgot that one.

'No 5-a-side for the hubby now then?'

I got asked if I was 'going for a football team' after DS2.

Idiots.

Mooncupflowethover · 12/12/2009 21:22

I always really wanted a girl. My 2 DS's cured me of that! One is 2.8 and the other 7m...and my God I adore the very bones of them!

Would I swap one for a girl? Absolutely no chance whatsoever. I would still like a girl, but the wanting is very mild now.

Boys seem to get a raw deal these days. When I told someone I knew that No. 2 was a boy she looked at me very pityingly and said 'Oh well, never mind, at least they're healthy!'

If we never have another DC I am grateful and very happy with the 2 lovely boys that we have.

golgi · 12/12/2009 21:28

I have two boys, they are great.

But no, in case you're asking - I will not be "trying for a girl".

Some random woman peered into the pram when son 2 was new and gorgeous, noted son 1 standing on buggy-board and said:

"You must be so disappointed to have another boy"

I didn't quite know what to say to that. Except "no, he's lovely, you silly old woman" (may not have said the last bit out loud)

I wouldn't swap one for a girl either.

wasabipeanut · 12/12/2009 21:31

There is definitely a preference for girls I think generally - probably due to the perception that girls are somehow "easier."

Maybe the payback is all the pink tat girls have to put up with now.

boyraiser · 12/12/2009 21:32

I have 2 boys and they are brilliant.
I wouldn't have cared what I had, I'm just happy to have two healthy kids at all.
I am sure you (and every sane person) feels the same. A baby is a baby, loved by his or her parents, and once they're part of the family, it's impossible to imagine a different set up.

Don't take the silly things people say to pass the time too seriously.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 12/12/2009 21:47

I am pregnant with number 3 - the few people I have told have asked why I wanted to do that when I already had one of each

ZsazsaCarnadine · 12/12/2009 21:54

I had a girl first and she was born with very severe problems and died at just over 2 years of age.

We had a NT boy and then had an NT daughter - you would not believe the amount of people that tactfully (not) made out how great it was that we had a healthy daughter etc etc.

It made no difference to us and to be honest we would have been perfectly happy with another boy.

People could not believe that it made not one iota of difference to us when in reality it felt like we were replacing our daughter (feeling gone now) and probably worry more about her than we ever did our son which is obviously complete paranoia.

SE13Mummy · 12/12/2009 22:01

When my 2nd DD was born I was shocked at the number of nurses who said, "bet you're sorry she's not a boy... you'll have to have another".

I was not sorry she was a girl; I was thrilled to have a live and healthy baby having lost three (and almost my own life) the year before.

There seems to be some bizarre assumption that everyone wants 'one of each'. I love my two girls and wouldn't swap them for the world (or a boy!) but I have a sneaky suspicion that I'd have loved them regardless of their gender.

PacificMistletoeandnoWine · 12/12/2009 22:01

YANBU.

I am currently expecting DS4 and you would not believe the comments I've had...

On one memorable occasion I was offered condolences after I had just had DS3, ffs. Unbeknownst to this person I had also had 4 MCS and was absolutely delighted to have another healthy baby

Much as a girl somewhere along the lines would of course have been welcome, I am now relieved it is another boy as I would not have wanted the others to think that we just kept going in order to "get that girl" .

Ignore, ignore, ignore as best you can.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

ScottishBoris · 12/12/2009 22:03

wasabi FWIW girls are def not easier

Dp has five girls and when I had dd2 (his dd5) you would not believe the number of "when you trying for a boy" comments, tbh these are ongoing.

Congrats on two boys, I'm sure they will be just as lovely as a boy and a girl, or even two girls.

There's only 13 months between me and my DB and 19 between my two girls and tbh, I think my girls are closer that my DB and I, although that could be down to my crazy mother so your two boys should be a force to be reckoned with

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