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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be getting upset by people hoping I have a girl next?

56 replies

mummyof1butnotforlong · 12/12/2009 20:58

Pregnant with baby number 2. My DS is so lovely and I wouldn't change him for the world!

We don't know what sex this baby is and I don't care! BUT everyone else seems to!

"Oh you need a girl next" "I was so glad I had one of each" "every women wants a daughter" the list of comments is endless!

Would it be so bad to have 2 boys??!!

OP posts:
angel1976 · 12/12/2009 22:04

Congrats on your pregnancy!

The thing is the comments don't stop even after you have had the baby. I have two DSs and in fact, I wanted two DSs (lots of reasons why...). So of course I got similar comments to you while pregnant. Even from people who knew we had a difficult pregnancy with DS1, which meant I do not take a healthy baby for granted!

DS2 is now a month old and we are delighted with him. He is so chilled out (unlike his brother!!). We always knew that we ever wanted two and I am glad that now I definitely feel my family is complete. Also, I suffered a prolapse with DS2's birth and I just don't think I can put my body through another pregnancy/childbirth.

And STILL people go on about how I should try for a girl next...

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 12/12/2009 22:10

THANK-YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have all made me feel so much better.....although I am now thinking of some good lines to say once the baby, pink or blue, arrives!

OP posts:
AmIreallysayingthis · 12/12/2009 22:14

Don't worry about it. Some people feel compelled to say trite things to pregnant women. It's like when someone has a boy followed by a girl (or the reverse) and everyone says "Oh, one of each - that's perfect". As if two of the same is anything else.

My sister had twins three years ago, a girl and a boy, and you would not believe the vast numbers of people who said "Oh, you've got a ready-made family". She hated hearing it. So she had another one last month (a girl) just to get up their noses and spoil the symmetry!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/12/2009 22:17

Have 3 DS and 1 DD. When DS3 was born someone actually said"oh well never mind I'm sure 3 boys isn't the worst thing in the world". When i was expecting DD everyone assumed I was only having another so I could have a girl (bit of a gamble if I was ) and when she was born I lost count of the people who said " oh you got your girl in the end" as if I had only endured 4 pregnancies 2 MC and a host of other problems just to get a girl! I tactfully pointed out that all 3 boys were fab an very much as loved and wanted as their sister

jellybeans · 12/12/2009 22:24

I now have DDs and DSs but at first had DDs. I felt abit like the poster who said

'now that i have a boy, i realise how insane i was to think i only wanted a girl. boys are so adorable.'

I didn't mind at all the gender (had had m/cs) but had no great desire for a DS as only knew and had loved having DDs. But once I had my own boy I saw they were just as scrummy and now I love all things 'boyish' too. I think often people think what they have is the best.

Several friends were desperate for DDs after having DSs. But I think many men hope for boys too (from what I hear) so it evens out.

I have not found girls any easier either. The teen years are tough!

LittleWhiteWolf · 12/12/2009 22:49

I have the opposite: have 1 DD and everyone keeps saying that DH must want a boy next and that we'll have to keep trying for a boy
Actually he'd quite like another girl, but really we're not fussed either way.

Had one experience in the post office with another mum, her son and her mum. they were asking nice things about DD (age, etc) then the granny says "thats what we wanted" I said "What?" not knowing what they meant as they had a baby like me, and they both said "a girl". Granny went on to say how she had too many grandsons and her daughter would have to try harder next time. I was gratful when they left.

On the other hand my MIL has boy,girl,boy,girl,boy and is always saying how boys are more loving and easier and just so much better than girls. She was very proud of SIL for having a boy. That being said she adores DD.

I dont feel like everyone wants a girl, I think its just that no matter what you have people are going to assume you want/wanted the other gender for some reason.

WickedWitchSouthWest · 12/12/2009 22:56

oh god isn't it ever annoying?

YANBU - my mil started the ball rolling at 7wks with "lets have a boy next" and I really do wonder if my beautiful dd is that much of a disappointment?!

I'm trying to bite my tongue at the comments and think it's just that some people really are THAT rubbish at making conversation

Good luck with the pregnancy

Anya4 · 12/12/2009 23:03

ARhhhhhh..........we're in the same boat - 28 wks preg with DC4 after 3 daughters -
We don't know what we're having but I would totally LOVE another daughter - as would my husband. I feel so defensive that people assume we are longing for a boy. Of course we'd love a boy (we'd love any child - our DD2 died shortly after she was born) - but like an earlier post said, there is something special about same sex families and at the moment, if anything, another girl is our preference.

I do understand that some people have a strong yearning for the gender that they don't have, but its frustrating that everyone assumes that mixed gender is best !

justsue · 12/12/2009 23:25

yanbu good luck with the pregnancy

NonnoMum · 14/12/2009 21:37

Anya and OP Good Luck with your pgs. I have a friend who has 4 (grown up) boys. She said that they wanted a girl for DC3, but then when he wasn't, they DEFINITELY wanted another boy for DC4, as who (i.e which girl) would want three older brothers?
I think another thing about same sex siblings is that they are more likely to be closer in adulthood, when we and are pregnancy-related worries are far far away!
Besides, when phoning/texting/announcing the news of a new baby boy or girl, everyone whoops HOORAY whatever the sex! No-one is going to send a "commiseration on the arrival of a wrong-sex baby" card, do they? We just love whatever comes our way.
How exciting; lots of new babies to be born. Enjoy. x

Chynah · 14/12/2009 23:21

I have DS and am currently pregnant with a girl and get all the "lovely to have one of each", "how lovely", "bet you were hoping she'd be a girl" etc comments. Thing is me and DH actually wanted 2 boys so I do find it annoying. We are used to the idea now though and looking forward to DD although I would still love another boy (we only intend to have 2 DC).

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 14/12/2009 23:42

I've got 3 boys, and when DS3 was abour 3 hrs old I got condolences from a nurses aide that I had no girls!

And my MIL is distraught that he was her 7th grandson, no girls at all!

mazzystartled · 14/12/2009 23:46

two little lads would be ace

but you know people are just making conversation. they don't really care either!

Bathsheba · 15/12/2009 04:54

I'm PG with DC3 - I have 2 DDs....

I often get "oh it would be lovely if you had a boy" - TBH I'd far prefer (if a choice was being given) to have another girl - I know what to do with girls, I have the stuff for girls, I have a NAME for my girl (DH cannot pick a boy's name at all)..

Boys also have plumbing that I'm petrified of....

Ah well, 5 more weeks and I'll know..

TubbyDuffs · 15/12/2009 05:16

I have just had a baby girl, I already have 2 boys. Everyone assumed I would want a girl, although I would've been happy with 3 boys.

I didn't find out what the sex of the baby was at the scan, because I was happy with a surprise and whatever the sex would've been.

Have to say, its lovely to have a little girl now, but I can't stop referring to her as a boy!!!

KTNoo · 15/12/2009 05:28

We thought DH's parents were delighted with our DD, until DS was born 2 years later and FIL said "DD is lovely and all that, but it's really something special to have a BOY."

We also had the questions about why we went for a DC3 when we already had one of each. Well, we actually want another CHILD....

ThumbleBells · 15/12/2009 06:13

I never understand why it is that, when pg, you become "public property", open to all sorts of comments, many of which are ridiculous, insensitive and even downright rude.

People should just stick to "how lovely, congratulations" and leave it at that; await further commentary from the pg woman before offering further opinions (or refrain entirely).

I am just pg for the second time now, and although part of me would like a girl, part of me would be equally happy with another boy. For the first, I had a slight pref for a boy - got one, now it is a true 50:50 feeling, with usual healthy baby being taken as read. No one apart from DH knows in RL so I have all this to look forward to in the next several months.

So - congratulations, I hope it all goes well and ignore all the idiots busybodies around you.

Chrysanthemum5 · 15/12/2009 10:17

YANBU and congratulations! I had that a lot when pregnant with DC2 so although we knew she was probably a girl we just didn't tell anyone. I do find there is a bias against boys, people assume they are hard work and to be totally honest before I had DC1 (DS) I assumed I wanted girls. But when pregnant with him I felt he was a boy and I'm overjoyed to have him. It sounds odd, but I feel I already knew how special girls were (since I am one!) but having DS has opened my eyes to how incredibly amazing little boys are and I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to learn that .

angel1976 · 15/12/2009 11:02

Lovely post Chrysanthemum5. Both DH and I have opposite sex siblings and quite big age gap and both of us are probably not as close to our siblings as we would have liked. That's why I wanted to have two boys, I've always envied same-sex siblings who are close in age and could go out and enjoy the same interests and grow up with a comrade-in-arms! It might or might not happen but I am glad that DC2 is a boy. Mind you, I am in hell now with a 21-month-old toddler who won't stop tantrumming and a 6-week-old baby who is very good and gorgeous but looking after a baby is still hard. I keep telling myself it will be worth in in the future... (It bloody well be!)

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 15/12/2009 11:04

yanbu when I was expecting ds2 people said same to me and I couldn't have been happier to have a 2nd little boy plus it made life easy already having boys' clothes and toys around the place. Got 3 boys now and people still keep asking me if we're going to try for a girl! Personally don't understand this need to have to have one of each. Before I had dcs I didn't care what sex they were but now I have the boys I have no desire to add a girl to the mix!

Morloth · 15/12/2009 11:08

I think I have been so insanely excited at having another boy that people haven't dared make any sort of comment like this. I had an immense feeling of relief when I found out DS2 was a boy.

Girls are lovely, but not for me I think. We had a party here on Saturday and I don't think we heard from the 2 boys for the whole 5 hours. The girls however required constant negotiations etc. The boys went and wrestled and built lego.

Though my best friend (who now has 3 girls) insists I try for another boy so that we can get marriages arranged and cackle off into the sunset together (thus making all family events a lot easier for everyone ).

I have plenty of gorgeous little girls in my life to get the need to shop for sparklies out of my system and then I get to crash tackle DS in the mud.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 15/12/2009 11:10

lol at "crash tackle DS in the mud" Morloth

I'm the same - wouldn't know what to do with a girl now I've had boys so long! Can't be doing with the fiddly hair do's either! I like the fact my boys get ready for school in the morning in a bout 5 minutes and don't come asking for plaits or this hair band or that!

ladylush · 15/12/2009 11:15

YANBU - people are so stupid! I have one of each but would have been equally happy with another ds - especially if as lovely as dc1. Had lots of m/c before dd and she was 10 weeks premature so a healthy baby was our priority - gender NOT an issue. Ds was delighted though - as really wanted a sister As a slight caveat I will admit to enjoying buying her dresses (wearing a lovely red one today) but it's hardly the most important thing

Morloth · 15/12/2009 11:15

LOL, we actually did that on the weekend. It has been raining forever so we decided to ignore it and go play "rugby" anyway (completely forgetting that I am pregnant of course). All three of us came home smothered in mud. I wonder what the neighbours think?

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 15/12/2009 11:18

bet your neighbours thought you looked like you'd had a great time!
3 boys are great fun