sister il wants me to tell her what I've got her kids for xmas

[peonyposy]

I've just had a cross phonecall from my sil who wanted to know what I'd bought her dd for Xmas!

My dds and I have already chosen a beautiful present for her but my sil thinks I'm being unreasonable that I didn't ask what she wanted first and that I didn't want to tell her what it was because I wanted it to be a surprise.

We are going to hers Xmas day shall I ring her back and say, ok, sorry, the present is x?

What if she goes oh, implying she didn't want that? I'm sure the dd will love what we got for her, so why is my sil making things awkward?

Maybe she wants to know so that she can ensure that no one else buys the same gift?

SIL is probably fretting that she's bought the same thing. Or that someone else in the family has. It's nice to know your DC isn't getting a duplicate - in fact, I need to know what my SIL is getting my DCs because I suspect DB has got the same. Just tell her.

she sounds like a nob! i wouldnt tell her on principle. no matter what the reason is, its rude to insist on knowing what it is and v v v rude to be cross that you didnt ask what she wanted and only buy off her list of wants!!

I don't see what the problem is with telling SIL. It's still going to be a surprise for your DN. Maybe she's having a pre-Christmas panic?

Tell you've already sent it to Santa and can't remember what it was as you bought it ages ago.

I'd tell her, otherwise Christmas will be awful, whether you're right or not. She's probably just making sure she hasn't duplicated

I have been known to do this but only to avoid duplicates when people have asked what my DC would like. I give them a few suggestions but sometimes have to go back and ask them what they chose because someone else wants to know what they want...

If you see what I mean

But if you had bought a surprise present without asking for suggestions your SIL is very silly to demand to know what it is, IMO.

Nobody would buy her what we have, she is very good at art and we've got her a complete artist's set with oil pastels, acrylic paints, charcoal pencils, paper, rubber, easel etc but I know my sil will pooh pooh it and it is upsetting me already.

Maybe I'll call her back and say well, I've decided to give her dd money instead and (give present to someone else?)

If you know your DN will love it, tell SIL what it is but, if you can, ignore what she says about it. Think about your DN, not your SIL.

She's being a complete arse in being cross for not being asked what to get. That's ridiculous. I understand wanting to know what you've chosen though (duplication thing). I wouldn't have gotten arsey about it though (actually I wouldn't have asked you at all - that'd rude, surely) - is she a bit, er, odd?
Like RnB says you should tell her now she's asked, seeing as it's clearly so important to her. Otherwise she'll continue to be a twat about it.

Why didnt you just tell her then, whats the problem, sounds like you were being awkward, telling her would not have spoilt the suprise for your dn, therefore i think YABU

It sounds like a fantastic present, and I'm half hoping that you're my Aunt

If you know your dn will love it, then stick to your guns.
I personally don't think you should tell her, but then, I like surprises whether it's my present or not!

YABU. Perhaps she's worried that you've bought her dd the same thing she has?

YABU - why on earth does it matter if you tell her (the adult) what her daughter is going to get for Christmas - it doesn't spoil the surprise, & it allows he
r to ensure her dd doesn't get duplicates. Completely petty to give the present to someone else imho - and very unfair on your neice.

Ring back, apologize and tell her what you've got - maybe keep it vague if you want a bit of srupriose (eg art supplies). If she pooh-poohs it, just say 'well, I think she'll love it, so we'll just have to see, won't we?' in a breezy tone.

I suspect what we have here is a clash of family traditions. In my family, you always let rest of the family know what you're got for people to avoid 4 pairs of gloves/no scarves scenarios - dh's family are all about surprises. Neither are 'wrong' - you just have to respect the differences....and not get het up unnecessarily...

She's unreasonable for being cross. We always ask each other what we/ kids want for Christmas and do generaly tell each other so no duplicates. If a relative says they've bought a present demanding to know what it is is rude though, and if I told someone what a present was and they were rude about it I'd be disinclined to go there for Christmas or give further presents without an apology.

FGS don't not give the art stuff to you DN - it's an amazing gift and she'll love it!
Tell your stupid sil you've bought some art supplies. If she's sniffy about it ignore her and whatever you do don't sink to her level.

Did your SIL only get arsey after you refused to tell her? If so, then I can see her point.

It's hardly a surprise for her, is it?! And if she poo-pooed your idea, you just say calmly that you went to some effort, the present is from a shop you that's some distance to you and if she doesn't mind, you'd like to give it to your DN, see her reaction, and give her the option of you changing it for something else.

It sounds a lovely present, btw.

sounds like there is a bit of conflict between you both imo, just tell her arty stuff, if she sniffs then ignore

I had this exact thing with my SIl last year.

She likes to tell you precisly what to buy for her DC's, and where from! but last year i had an idea for a lovely present so just bougt it. She was miffed about this and asked me ehat i had got, I refesed to tell het becuase I know she would ahve no qualms about telling me that she'd rather I swapped it for xyor z which i didn't want to.

I stuck by my guns, she didn't like it but had to accept it and tis year she has not mentioned her Dc's presntes to me and i've just chosen them soemthing that i thnk is lovely and that I hope they will like.

i refused to be drawn into her dictatiral non festive remove all the thought idea of prsent giving.

Sounds dead controlling to me.

Sometimes it's just great to get what you're given, iyswim.

You sil is a silly mare.

tell her, but be vague about it.

We always tell each other what we've got for the kids as they end up getting millions of duplicate presents otherwise, but they are only little still.

It's not that easy to ignore someone being sniffy about your gift though, if they say 'oh i'd rather you didn't give that as we don't have room for it' or 'she won't have time to use it' or 'she is not really interested in that anymore' or 'could you get her x she'd much prefer that' you do feel that you have to go along with their reasons which will be presented in an entrely reasonable way, as it seems entirely rasonable to them, and you just look mean and pig headed if you proceed regradless.

I deceided to just avoid being put in that position.

At thier wedding SIl told me, in a very reasonable kindly way, that she's rather i did not get the lovely idea for a presnet that I'd thought of and just gave them the money. I did this but was quite hurt and disapointed.

Tell her you've got her a hamster, cage and all the accoutrements. When she gasps in horror say coldly you'll give it to someone else and "see what you can get at the last minute, but it might just be money".

Then give the child the present you've got her, that you know she'll love (and sounds fantastic).

Tell her in a vague manner 'something arty' and give your DN the present.

My DD is arty and got similar present from our neighbours last year and she was so delighted.