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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

sister il wants me to tell her what I've got her kids for xmas

68 replies

peonyposy · 11/12/2009 11:49

I've just had a cross phonecall from my sil who wanted to know what I'd bought her dd for Xmas!

My dds and I have already chosen a beautiful present for her but my sil thinks I'm being unreasonable that I didn't ask what she wanted first and that I didn't want to tell her what it was because I wanted it to be a surprise.

We are going to hers Xmas day shall I ring her back and say, ok, sorry, the present is x?

What if she goes oh, implying she didn't want that? I'm sure the dd will love what we got for her, so why is my sil making things awkward?

OP posts:

drinkmoretea · 13/12/2009 09:04

Um.. am I missing something or is it not the thought that counts??

em83 · 13/12/2009 09:12

what an ungrateful person she is ! !
my mother is like that regarding wht i get for my 3 younger nrothers as they prefer to have money, however the 3 of them have recently inherited a reasonable amount of money from their dads side of the family! , so i bought them smellies and chocs, my mothers face was a pic when i told her what id bought them !!!! tough shit was all i had to say !

pigletmania · 13/12/2009 09:15

I would not go over to hers. the greed of some people eh its amazing.

clam · 13/12/2009 09:35

Flipping cheek. How RUDE!
I would be hopping mad if this happened to me. But then, it did once. I bought something for my niece that had been on her "list" and I'd had to trawl around for ages to source the bloody thing. Then my DB told me she'd "changed her mind" and didn't want that anymore so could I take it back and get something else.

There is NO WAY I would be kow-towing to her to make peace.

SouthMum · 13/12/2009 09:38

CANNOT believe your SIL. I hated getting money as I loved the whole process of putting them under the tree, giving them a shake every now and then to try and guess whats inside, trying to peel back the paper etc and the ceremoney of opening the pressies and then playing with them all.

I just think its so sad that things have changed so much

piscesmoon · 13/12/2009 09:56

Ignore her completely and don't give way on it! I don't know why some people bother giving presents-they seem to have lost track of the point of it!

BarbieLovesKen · 13/12/2009 10:04

My God!!

I cannot actually believe this!. Is your sil a complete nutter??? she sounds like an awful character. What exactly is she teaching her dd here? to be rude and ungrateful?

I wouldnt blame you for being annoyed - I would be absolutely livid.

Cant understand the mentality behind this and also some comments on here - someone said (sorry! cant remember who!!) that some people cant be trusted to buy the "right" things for their dc - wtf??? what the hell happened to being just down right gracious??

I am genuinely always delighted when someone takes the time to think of my daughter, go and choose a gift and spend their hard earned cash on it for her. I never care what it is and if she has 10 already. I wouldnt dream of ever behaving like this and to be quite honest, if my 4 year old carried on the way your sil has, she would be in serious trouble

octopusinabox · 13/12/2009 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saltire · 13/12/2009 10:33

I always ask what MIL and SFIL and FIL and SMIL have got teh DSes,mainly becasue MIL always duplicates what we get, every year she does it. Then won't give us the receipt to change it . I don't ask to be awkward.
However, if someone said "oh I've got DS1 x or y" I wouldn't ask them to change it.
My mum often asks for a list of ideas and will choose a couple of things from it.

brandybutterfly · 13/12/2009 10:34

Bought a birthday gift for BF's DD.

During a chat BF said, "What have you got her?"

I said, "It's a surprise, wait til her birthday!"

BF said, "If you don't tell me I'm going to open it!"

YANBU!

pigletmania · 13/12/2009 10:46

I agree with a lot of the people here barbielovesken and southmum, it seems that for some people christmas is about greed and want want want, where is the magic gone. I used to love presents (i still do)and would shake them, feel them, peel off a bit of the wrapper to see what a joy it was. This SIL is robbing her dd of that experience and creating a little brat in the process imo. What a loon and psycho

seeker · 13/12/2009 11:02

I think there should be a new topic - "What's that about?!" This would fit perfectly into it!

mysteryfairy · 13/12/2009 13:42

SIL has behaved terribly as everyone agrees.

However I've got to say I'd be pretty dismayed if someone bought my DD age 7 acrylic paints or oil pastels, although obviously lots of posters disagree and think they're a great present. My DD loves arty stuff but I think both of those are really messy and would require a level of supervision I really don't have time/inclination to give as art is not my thing. Am happy for DD to have lots of less messy art and craft stuff though - I'm not a total meanie.

Of course it would depend on the age of DN whether this would also be true for her - I don't think OP says, so maybe she is 13 and would have been capable of using them unsupervised?

Similarly I would avoid noisy toys I thought the DC involved would love - never been that impressed in the past by people buying my irrepressible DCs cymbals, trumpets etc.

Original poster

peonyposy · 13/12/2009 23:32

My niece is nearly 15 and absolutely loves art, but actually, my dd who is 11 has rekindled her interest in art now she knows she's getting the artist's set.

This actually is brilliant because she is fab at drawing but a couple of years ago stopped drawing altogether.

So, all's well. A few years' ago I would not have backed down but tbh I think not having to cook on Xmas day was the deciding factor!

Thanls for all your support. I will certainly be Mnetting when I have another dilemma to contend with!

OP posts:

SprocketAndTubbs · 13/12/2009 23:46

The present sounds fab, and very thoughtful.

I think you should definitely let her have the present, don't swap it for anything else, or the child will be losing out because of the difficult telephone call between you and sil, which wouldn't be fair.

It's the kind of gift that she will use for years whereas she will grow out of toys.

Well done for thinking up such a great gift - I really struggle to be imaginative with my gifts at Christmas!

WillowFae · 13/12/2009 23:49

I'm not sure. We know what people are getting for our kids but that is because we needed to make sure that people didn't get the same things. DD for example is getting a Sylvanian Families house and aunts and uncles wanted to get her furniture for it so we co-ordinated to make sure that she gets the best mix.

jaxxyj · 14/12/2009 00:00

YANBU My sil emailed me a list for her daughter which included a chandelier from next and a chair for her bedroom. All her presents were for kitting her room out and she is only 8. I had already decided to buy her arty stuff but i am hoping nothing will be said as i am sure my dn will love the pressie. i might tell her to keep the peace if she does ask though.

pigletmania · 14/12/2009 00:08

If you think your dc is too young for messy arty stuff than save it for when they are a bit older, dont have to use it now!

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