to be mildly annoyed at ds being called 'Good Boy!'

[ilovemuffins]

e.g. by PILs. I realise it's just something people say without thinking. But am I alone in thinking this sounds a bit patronising? C'mon, he's not a dog!

Oh I love getting all annoyed over nothing :-)

Home eds six children! Wow!

Not sure whether to be more impressed that she has six children, or that she home eds them! But the fact that they are lovely kids is a testament to her so maybe there is method in the madness .

oh scargot i hope not. If a person IS the behaviour, than you calling me a wanker would mean...?

sory now hat i mean is the person cant abrogate respon for their behaviour

In an ideal world you would praise the behaviour and not the child but when you have thirty odd children trying to get your attention it is better to give any praise than no praise at all.

This doesn't apply to grandparents, I can't believe that anyone would be offended by a grandparent calling their child a good boy/girl. You may have read all the parenting manuals but you can't expect them to. They are treating them with love and kindness, what more do you want?

I say ~Good Girl to DD when she swims underwater at Aquababies. She is not quite 5 months so will probably be very damaged by the time she goes to school.

dollshouse - well, just mildly annoyed sometimes, not massively offended. My PILs both work with with children btw, so even if they are not reading every parenting manual going (neither do I!), I'd have thought they might have come across the 'behaviour not the person' school of thought at some point.

But as you say they do treat him with love, in fact worship the ground he walks on, so in balance they are fantastic grandparents. I am very very lucky I know.

But SCargot, if the person is the behaviour, then that almost gives them a get out - 'well, that's who I am, what do you expect?'. If you separate the behaviour from the person, you give them the chance to not be that person, and to behave differently

I'm with the OP. Childhood is gendered enough without it becoming an integral part of praise. And yes, it is patronising. I say 'thank you for xy' or 'I'm pleased that you did zz.' Maybe things are different in an institutional context, but I don't think so - I wouldn't say 'good woman' to someone at work.

YANBU - and i really surprised so many people think otherwise.

i used to hate being called a good girl. today a friend's 2year old said "dont say that" to her when she called her good girl.

its often patronising and it does label the person rather than the behaviour. positive reinforcement should not be about labelling someone as good - that really rankles with me.

however, i know that i would sound a complete prick if i said any of this to the GPs so i keep my trap shut as they tell her how good she is for putting a piece of puzzle in its place or having her haor washed.

have you read "how to talk so your children will listen"??

"hair washed"

we rarely wash her haor

almost undoubtedly ruby. it may be more constructive if you let your dog know exactly what it is she is doing that pleases you

we often patronise dogs

pag I love that

ponymum you're right I could, and often do, say "thank you for clearing the table" etc. I just don't think it's that big a deal. and also I think it's just polite to say thankyou and, as such, stops short of actual praise, iyswim.

tbh I think there is some validity in the labelling argument but I think it's much more important in reverse - I'd never call dds "bad" "selfish" "lazy" "mean" (not within hearing anyway...) and am very careful to stick to behaviours when it's something negative - but I can't I get to agitated about "good".

YAB daft and U!

This is the kind of neurotic middle class nonsense that makes modern parenting such an unholy minefield of angst ridden second guessing........

If hes not on a choke chain tied up in the garden, get the feck over it.

They could call him Little Shit if you'd prefer?

Far better to say 'What exemplary and satisfactory behaviour you're displaying!!'

nowt wrong with second guessing if your first guess hit wide of the mark

really, tho' my aversion to "good girl" predates any parenting manual with accompanying knit-picking about labeling behaviours rather than people. it used to make me feel so patronised as a kid.

maybe it's the way my mum used it - and nowadays uses it with dd. so dd draws some squiggles on a paper my mum goes v ott with the "wow, arent you a good girl, look at your lovely picture". personally i would prefer a "that's a steady grip you have now. you've drawn four lines".

i am fully aware that makes me a tosser. but i think some peole (not just my mum but my MIL) use good girl in a very patronising way. they are ace gps btw

but every good girl makes me curl my toes

These are sorry times if saying something positive to a child is met with disapproval. It's not exactly imaginative but it's not a terrible thing to say is it?

Don't agree that the behaviour is the person either. People can change their behaviour.

yabu. Holy mackerel, batman, it doesn't matter.