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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry at a friend for taking my daughter for santa photo?

68 replies

AlyKL · 10/12/2009 02:48

A very good friend of mine helps me by taking my 18mth old daughter one day a week. this is such a fantastic help as i also have 12wk old twins.
Am I being unreasonable to be angry at my friend for taking my daughter for a santa photo without asking, and without her brothers. and what's more the photo was for my friends mother! Whom I have only met once!She is a great friend and very sensitive, so not sure how to approach her with this?

OP posts:
greenday · 10/12/2009 02:55

I cannot understand what is so wrong with that. Its not as if the photo is for broadcast to the public. It's for her mum.
She is a good friend to help you and your DD is safe and healthy, and not put in any danger in her care.
IMO, you are not so much unreasonable but ungrateful.

chuckeyegg · 10/12/2009 03:20

I don't honestly think I would worry. If she is very sensitive and you complain she may not want to help you out any more.

It's nice that your friends mother likes your daughter enough to want a photo. Be flattered not angry.

MrsKitty · 10/12/2009 03:52

I guess this is the first year that your DD might 'get' Santa, and therefore be a 'first' experience so if that's what your problem is then no, I don't think YAB particularly U, and your friend probably should have realised that DDs first visit to Santa was something you'd want to do with her.

However, I don't think you ought to say anything to your friend - as others have said, she's a big help to you, and it's not the end of the world, you can take her again with her brothers can't you?

I wouldn't waste energy being angry about it.

CarmenSanDiego · 10/12/2009 04:36

Honestly can't understand what's wrong here. Sounds like a nice day out for your dd unless she spent loads of your money or something on it?

Sometimes friends parents do things you wouldn't. My dd had a friend whose mum always took them to McDs. Not what I'd do, but that's life!

giraffespullthesleigh · 10/12/2009 04:47

Whats the problem? Its not like you can't take her again.

Devendra · 10/12/2009 05:52

Its a photograph.. with santa!! YABVVVVVU. Seriously whats the problem. Incredibly ungrateful of you.

SqueezinAroundTheXmasTree · 10/12/2009 05:58

This, in the grand scheme of things is small and you probably know it is.

OK, I can understand why you want to do the 'first' everything with your daughter but she is only little and it won't take away from any future visits to Santa that you might take her to.

As for the photo being for the friends mum, well she has probably told her mum all about your wee girl and relays little stories back to her, so I think it is quite a nice thing to do. The lady will probably think it is brilliant to have the photo and will get a lot of pleasure from it. You should really be proud.

I think if you have this chat with your friend, it might lead to the friendship being a bit like walking on eggshells on her part and that would be such a shame.

currycrazy · 10/12/2009 06:40

YABU and ungrateful.sorry

Tortington · 10/12/2009 06:52

get over yourself OP.

RnB · 10/12/2009 07:00

And why are you so upset?

ineedalifelaundry · 10/12/2009 07:02

YABU

I honestly can't see the problem.

belgo · 10/12/2009 07:02

YABU. I'm not sure exactly what your friend has done wrong and you risk shooting yourself in the foot if you say something to her.

Fibilou · 10/12/2009 08:20

You are being ridiculous

GibbonInARibbon · 10/12/2009 08:28

YABVU, a tad precious and ungrateful imo.

diddl · 10/12/2009 08:29

Of course YABU!

She didn´t take your twins as she doesn´t look after them for you I assume!

Did you expect her to have all 3 of your children to take to Santa?

She´s obviously very thoughtful and imo, your boys haven´t missed out at that young age!

Don´t ruin a friendship over this!

And if you´re so bothered, you can take your twins to Santa yourself!

MmeLindt · 10/12/2009 08:33

YABU

I can understand that you don't want to miss out on your DD's 'firsts' - such as the first time she sees Santa - but your friend was doing it because she obviously loves you DD and thought it would be a treat for her.

Do you have the feeling that your DD is missing out on spending time with you since you had the twins? Is a bit of guilt that is making you annoyed at your friend?

christiana · 10/12/2009 08:33

Message withdrawn

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 10/12/2009 08:34

I think it's a bit odd that the photo was for your friends mum and not for you, did you get a copy?

I don't think it's worth having a go at your friend about though. Good friends are worth cherishing.

morningpaper · 10/12/2009 08:34

YABU of course but it is understandable - you are probably feeling vrey stressed with two babies and guilty that you can't do all of these things with your daughter yourself. But that is just the way it is, and having this friend to step in is brilliant and is giving your daughter so many lovely and positive new experiences - try to focus on that - be gentle with yourself because your emotions are quite normal, but bear in mind that it would be unreasonable to act on these feelings (unless you are going to ditch this arrangement in order to do it all yourself!).

MmeLindt · 10/12/2009 08:38

MP said what I meant, but better.

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 10/12/2009 08:41

ffs - a very dear friend blah blah, helps me out blah blah, and then you are furious because she has done something fun with your DD?

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/12/2009 08:47

What MP said.

Jujubean77 · 10/12/2009 08:53

YABU

choosyfloosy · 10/12/2009 08:58

That sounds like it is all really hitting you at 12 weeks. Can you do something really nice for yourself today? Please try not to stress over this, because I'm afraid YABU.

LouIsAWeetbixKid · 10/12/2009 09:06

Is this your first post? If so then AIBU for a first post is brave.

I can understand the OP being annoyed though. I would not want a stranger to have a photo of my child.

In my family, santa photos were a tradition that we had every year and I would be annoyed if someone went with my DC's instead of me.

I do think that some of the replies are a bit harsh though. I notice the OP has not been back.