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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry at a friend for taking my daughter for santa photo?

68 replies

AlyKL · 10/12/2009 02:48

A very good friend of mine helps me by taking my 18mth old daughter one day a week. this is such a fantastic help as i also have 12wk old twins.
Am I being unreasonable to be angry at my friend for taking my daughter for a santa photo without asking, and without her brothers. and what's more the photo was for my friends mother! Whom I have only met once!She is a great friend and very sensitive, so not sure how to approach her with this?

OP posts:
chuckeyegg · 10/12/2009 09:25

I agree some are very harsh. Sometimes I understand why mumsnet gets a bad reputation!

Take care AylKL

As I said before I wouldn't worry about it.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2009 09:28

"Am I being unreasonable to be angry at my friend for taking my daughter for a santa photo without asking, and without her brothers"

When you say "her brothers" do you mean the 12 week old twins?? If so, you are a loon

2rebecca · 10/12/2009 10:14

To me the odd thing is the friend's mum wanting a photo of some kid she's never met and who happens to be her daughter's friend's daughter.
I presume friend had her own kid she took as well. If not I'd expect to be asked before special trip to santa arranged, unless it was spur of the moment santa in shop thing.
I wouldn't be angry though, and think the fact that the babies weren't in the photo is irrelevent as the photo wasn't for you anyway.
If you want a photo of all 3 kids you can always take them yourself.

Brunettelady · 10/12/2009 10:25

I think a lot of the replies on here are unreasonable!! FFS, maybe she wanted to take her daughter to see Santa herself. Whats wrong with that. I know I wanted to take my son myself.

Also why would a friends mother want a picture of a child that her daughter looks after and has seen once? Don't get that at all.

Chuckeyegg, you were spot on with what you said.

OP, if you actually come back, I wouldn't take too much notice. I don't think you are being 'precious'. I have bee told that I am maybe a bit precious, but after thinking we may never actually have children, I don't really give a toss if I am. There are things that I want to do with my DS and would be annoyed if someone else done it.

By the way, you do have a fantastic friend!!!!!

teameric · 10/12/2009 10:37

YABabitU your friend probably thought she was doing something nice for your DD and obviously loves her. I can understand you wanting to take her yourself but maybe she thought she was helping you out because of the twins? I wouldn't say anything to her if I were you, she sounds like a great friend.

MintyCandyCane · 10/12/2009 10:38

Does this person look after your child for free ?

pooexplosions · 10/12/2009 10:54

YABVU.

Its easy to take your children to all their "firsts". All you have to do is mind them yourself at all times and never ever let anyone else take them.
Or you could be extremely grateful that you have such a good friend and a hand out that many would kill for, and let her do whatever she wants with the kid short of selling her to the circus.

Original poster
AlyKL · 10/12/2009 11:10

Wow. This is the first time I have posted on here. A friend recommended this site, she said I could get some really helpful advice and tips from other mums net users.
Thank-you so much, to the people that offered their advice and constructive critisism. I realize I may have over reacted a little, though I am still slightly annoyed and a bit curious as to why my friends mother wants a photo.
To the other people who were basically just mean and nasty; thanks for making my bad day worse.
My good friend that looks after my daughter is actually 46yrs old, her children are my age, she is my partners friends wife ( my partner is 42, I am 26).
On the day the photo with santa was taken I couldn't go with the twins aswell as my partner had just returned from 48hrs straight of emergency services work, and needed some TLC. My friend was aware that I planned to take all 3 children to santa photo next week.
I have since received a text today from the friend in question asking if I will "allow her" to have her photo taken with all 3 of my children. Like a family portrait.
Is it just me or is this getting weird?

OP posts:
Original poster
AlyKL · 10/12/2009 11:12

And yes, my friend is paid every time she does this for me.

OP posts:
teameric · 10/12/2009 11:14

I think that your friend probably just loves your kids and because hers have all grown up maybe she just feels maternal towards yours? she does look after your DD after all.

belgo · 10/12/2009 11:14

she wants her photo taken with your three children?

Yes that's weird.

purplehat · 10/12/2009 11:15

It is sounding decidedly weird.

If she knew that you were planning to take all 3 children for a photo together, then it was rather insensitive of her to have taken your daughter.

HeffaMerryChristmas · 10/12/2009 11:16

Sorry you've had a bad day AlyKL. If your friend knew you were planning on taking your children next week then it was a bit unfair of her to take your DD. I think you should let it go though since it sounds like she's doing you a big favour and it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

The wanting a photo with all 3 of your children is a little weird. Maybe she misses not having young children any more and is enjoying being so close to your family?

teameric · 10/12/2009 11:16

Oh and AlyKL you have to get used to some of the nasty comments on here, goes with the territory I'm afraid

MintyCandyCane · 10/12/2009 11:17

Well, I think that is a little weird, yes. Welcome to mumsnet - as a general rule AIBU can be really harsh - I would post elswhere if you can.

RainRainGoAway · 10/12/2009 11:19

I think this is so minor that it would be a shame to allow it to spoil a friendship.

She obviously loves your DCs and that is special so wants a photo. My childminder has a group photo with my DCs.

And I agree, there was too much venom from many posters. I would really recommend never doing an AIBU without a hard hat on and plenty of wine at hand just in case!

CarmenSanDiego · 10/12/2009 11:30

I'm sorry if I came across as nasty, I genuinely didn't understand the problem.

With the new information... if your friend knew you were going to take dd to see Santa next week, then indeed it was a little odd to take her herself. (But it might have been a good idea to put that info in the original post).

I don't think the 'family photo' thing is THAT weird unless she's going somewhere to pay a fortune for it. If she's your childminder and really likes the children, there's nothing wrong with wanting a photo with them for posterity. It's quite a sweet thing to do.

AIBU will always get an absolute range of opinions though, it's a bit of a peanut gallery. If you feel very upset about something or want constructive advice, it might be better to put it in a different topic.

Welcome to Mumsnet!

Jujubean77 · 10/12/2009 11:32

I still don't think it's that big a deal - at least you know she is with someone who has affection for her and including her. Would you rather they left her out?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 10/12/2009 11:33

I don't think wanting a photo with your 3 children is that wierd actually.
I have hotos with me and friends children and vice versa.
Actually was talking to a friend about similar recently. She was the first out of her group of friends at the time to have children and she couldn't understand the excitement of her childless friends over wanting pictures with them and buying them lovely things all the time until others in the group started having babies and she was soooo excited for them all and loved her friends thus loving their babies and suddenly understood the excitement of her other friends when it was her.

I have friends that I see more often thatn some of my own relations we are fantastically close and I love their dc's like my own family so of course I want photos of them and to spend time with them and their parents with us.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 10/12/2009 11:35

It's odd that the Santa photo is for your friend's mother. Why does your friend's mother want a photo of your dd? It sounds like my mil who carries round photos of her friend's puppies!

Your dd won't mind being taken to see Father Christmas twice. And well, it's nice for her to be lavished with attention like this especially if you're busy with twins - have I got that right?

But, also, I do understand your irritation because your friend knew your dd was going to see Santa next week.

And as for the 'family' portrait thing, that's weird too but I guess, ultimately it's harmless. But it's something I'd keep an eye on. Why would somebody want a family portrait with children that aren't hers? If someone showed me a photo of them with other people's children, I'd definitely think him/her as having a few unresolved issues. But I wouldn't think they were evil or anything.

And watch out becaue the AIBU board is full of direct, sometimes nasty comments often disguised as "I'm only being honest. And you did ask...." I think sometimes some MNers like to vent spleen indirectly on here in a way they never would dream to in rl.

Aussieng · 10/12/2009 11:39

Sorry to snicker but it has been a while since I saw a newbie posting on AIBU withour realising what they were getting in to . Don't let it put you off MN AlyKL but be wary of AIBU...I generally just read it for fun and a quick feeling of oh FFS over a cup of coffee at how precious some people are.

TBH I still think YABU. Some people are just photo people - I have tons of photos taken on holiday etc with people whose names I no longer remember - totally pointless but very "of the moment". This is no different. It is an honour to be able to share/see some of the magic of Xmas with a child - there is probably nothing more sinister to it than that. At the risk of sounding harsh, it is attitudes like yours which put me off ever offering to look after my friends DC. Having been on MN for sime time now and knowing what people can get funny about, it just puts me off taking the risk. Which actually I think is a shame.

LouIsAWeetbixKid · 10/12/2009 11:51

Do not leave MN becuase of some peoples opinions. MN is full of people from all walks of life who have differnt beliefs and attitudes. You will not get sugar coated advice on here but you know it is the truth. THere are fab people on here who will help you out with advice etc.

crankytwanky · 10/12/2009 11:58

Are her children godawful ugly?

Maybe she wants a "family portrait" of your beautiful angels so she can pass them off as her own to family abroad & strangers!

Get her one of those personalised calenders or mousemats for chiristmas.

christiana · 10/12/2009 12:03

Message withdrawn

diddl · 10/12/2009 12:20

Well, the new info changes things for me.
If she knew you intended to go another time that´s rude.

Perhaps you could give her a photo of your children yourself?

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