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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish family would stop asking me what ds wants for christmas?

53 replies

iheartginashoes · 08/12/2009 08:57

Argggghhh

Why cant people just sort themselves out?

My mum started asking what she could get ds for xmas back in August... How am I supposed to know?? Eventually suggested some stuff - quite big stuff (she usually spends £100+) on him, she said that was fine, and would rather get him one or two decent things then a load of bits. Fine. Great. We then worked out what we would get him, and some ideas for other people. She then deciedes that she will get him a small item from the stuff I mentioned, and then will get some surprises from him, and also take him to Toys r Us to see what he likes. (he's 2.5) - cue a pile of not so little, little bits - board games etc. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SIL, asks what she and MIL can get him, I send her an email with links to a few different things - tell her he would like any of them, tell her that the stuff is actually half price in ELC just now, and the other stuff is in stock in her local Argos. Cool. Sorted. This was back in Novemeber. She rings last night to say she is going shopping tomorrow, what would he like for xmas - I tell her that I sent her an email a while back, "oh yes I got that".

Only thing is now, the stuff is now back to full price in the ELC, and out of stock in argos, so I spend half the night finding discount codes and sourcing the out of stock product on Amazon.

I know I'm probably getting too stressed about this than needs be, but honestly, either dont ask, just buy him something - he's 2, he'll play with anything. Or if you ask for advice, listen to it, and get your arse into gear so that I dont end up doing half your shopping too.

AIBU?

OP posts:
titchy · 08/12/2009 09:05

No YANBU. I have the same - I have a list in my head of what to get the dcs, then one of dh's family phones up and says 'Oh I'm going to town tomorrow to get dcs' Christmas present - what do they want?' - then I have to think of something there and then, which inevitably ends up being something on the list in my head. so when it comes to us buying our kids Christmas presents everyone else has already bought what we thought they would like and we're scraping the barrel trying to think of what to get them.

Drives me mad!

cariboo · 08/12/2009 09:07

Ahhhh, I hope that these are the worst of your worries!

ErnestTheBavarian · 08/12/2009 09:08

think yourself lucky, not only do I have to come up with ideas for 4 kids Christams plus 1 early Jan birthday, for 4 relatives, I also had to even chose, order, arrange delivery for and wrap all the present s to my dc off my mum. She'll transfer a cheque to my bank account Still, it's the thought that counts

Original poster
iheartginashoes · 08/12/2009 09:13

Its my birthday in between xmas and new year so I feel you pain re 2 lots of presents, although not so bad now as no-one buys for me... I'm too old

OP posts:
clam · 08/12/2009 09:19

This is my current bugbear, too. Not only is it my job to think of ideas for all those I buy for, but also for everyone else who can't be arsed need help with ideas too. And then I have to think of ideas for what other people can give me. What am I, flippin' Santa?

And my DB took the biscuit yesterday. A card arrived with a cheque inside, telling me to split it between DCs. So, presumably I also have to think of what to get them from him, buy it, wrap it, and write the sodding label.

I know I'm sounding ungrateful, but what is the bloody point? Where's the thought in that?

TinselianAstra · 08/12/2009 09:21

YABU - it'd be worse if they didn't ask and then bought all the same thing or inappropriate things.

Brunettelady · 08/12/2009 09:22

I understand where you are coming from. I choose nearly all DS's presents from nearly everyone in the family as they all ask. In a way it can be annoying as I wouldn't mind seeing the surprise, but on the other hand, SIL didn't ask what he would like for his birthday last year and got him something which he already had 3 or (all slightly different, but still the same basic toy).

My DH lets me pick all DS's presents as I spend the most time with him and I know what he llikes. Also I know what other toys he likes from going to friends houses.

YANBU by the way. I think people are just trying to get something he really likes or don't want to duplicate what he already has.

Brunettelady · 08/12/2009 09:23

But the ones who have to go out and actually get the present, wrap it and write the label from other family members!!!!! That is ridiculous!! I do think some people just can't be bothered. Surely that it the fun of xmas!

Original poster
iheartginashoes · 08/12/2009 09:25

Its not so much the asking as the a) total disregard to what I actually said or b) having to blardy spoon feed people with links, vouvhers, stock levels.

SIL has 5 kids - all teenagers/adults. I put money in a card for them . It is what they ask for though

OP posts:
BonjourIvressedeNoel · 08/12/2009 09:29

YABU, they just want to buy something that your son will like.

borderslass · 08/12/2009 09:29

not got this with mine now they just get sent money, but my sister sent me money to buy clothes for brothers 2 girls aged 9 and 12 elder one is easy she's in her age but younger one she's big like her mum (brother doesn't allow his daughters to choose anything for themselves he also thinks he has sons) so I ended up trying to find two outfits for them.

Brunettelady · 08/12/2009 09:29

The links vouchers etc, yes that is ridiculous to do all that. I told me sister about something ages ago that was in the sale. I don't know if she actually bought it then or now. I know she went in and done her shopping the other day. But knowing my sister, she would have paid the full price anyway. I would tell them about it, if they don't get in time for the sale, thats their proeblem. I wouldn't faff about finding them discount codes and stuff like that.

borderslass · 08/12/2009 09:30

she didn't send labels either grrr

FrogmellaMoonbeam · 08/12/2009 09:33

Well I was going to say YABU and at least they are trying to get something he wants BUT.... They asked, you told them, made it all affordable etc and they havent acted on it. Its not your fault prices have gone up stock has sold out etc so YA most definitely NBU I wont be making all that effort for relatives for my 2 and they dont do it for us either.

Hassled · 08/12/2009 09:34

I feel your pain. What my ILs do is send an obscenely generous cheque and tell me to go spend it on the DCs. And I know I should be grateful, but actually I'd rather they slashed the present budget and actually went to a shop themselves. I HAVE ENOUGH TO DO! I'm hosting Christmas, I have 4 DCs and assorted others to sort out presents for - the extra present-buying drives me insane. Plus, they keep telling me that they like shopping - so it doesn't even make any sense.

Gracie123 · 08/12/2009 09:38

It does pee me off that DHs family members always ring last minute and say 'what does DH/DS/U want for christmas' but am used to it now so we write a list and have it by the phone. As each relative rings up I select some appropriate gifts off the list and offer that to them.

People who send money and ask me to get DS something doesn't really bother me though. I just stick it in his child trust fund. When they ask what he got, I tell them. They act disappointed and I say 'oh I didn't know you wanted me to go and buy him a gift....'

ConnorTraceptive · 08/12/2009 09:42

YABU I love it when people ask, I even offer to go and pick something out. Nothing better than shopping with other people's money

Brunettelady · 08/12/2009 09:44

I think the trust fund thing is a good idea. When they have so much at a young age, it does no harm to put some away for the future. We did this with some money my MIL gave us for DS and she thought it was a good idea.

Gracie, I liked you answer when they were disappointed.

whifflegarden · 08/12/2009 09:44

YABU, just tell them not to get him anything if you find it such a hassle.

frazzledbutcalm · 08/12/2009 09:54

I have 4dc and i come from a big family. Lots ask me what they can get and it annoys me. I'd rather they looked and saw something they think mine will like, after all it IS the thought that counts. Those that do make the effort and buy themselves, usually get very lovely presents that i wouldn't have thought of buying. So maybe my dc would end up with my train of thought for presents that i think are good/nice for them, but because others think for themselves they end up with a wide spectrum of presents, maybe ones i wouldn't have thought of in a million years. If someone gives them a naff present, i don't mind because at least they searched for it and took time to think about it.

melpomene · 08/12/2009 10:07

YABU. There's nothing wrong with asking what your dcs would like. It shouldn't be your job to mess around looking for discount vouchers though, as long as your suggestions include a range of affordable stuff.

What I do is have a separate wishlist for each of my dds on Amazon, and I add to the wishlists throughout the year. Then relatives can easily access the wishlists at any time. You can buy almost anything on Amazon these days (full range of toys, electronics, craft stuff, DVDs, clothes and accessories as well as books of course).

verytiredmummy · 08/12/2009 10:13

I think the fun of Christmas shopping is thinking about what people like, and finding nice things for them. I HATE when people expect a list, or give me a list of things they want. So I definitely think YANBU.

Mind you, my MIL asked what my son wanted back in August. I said I didn't know, because whatever he liked then he'd probably have gone off by Christmas. She went out and bought untold amounts of inappropriate presents (a Star Wars annual and a Light Sabre among other things - he's two!) so I guess I should have just given her a list!

MmeLindt · 08/12/2009 10:14

YANBU

After weeks of procrastinating, SIL has just phoned to say that she is not going to post the jumper that she has for DS as we will be there at Easter anyway.

And she cannot find DD's dress.

She has probably got them from the 2nd hand shop or in the sale and the postage won't be much, so it is not a money problem.

I asked 'Ok, fine. What will we do at Xmas then?'

She replied that she give them their Xmas presents at Easter.

I hmmmed a bit and she said, 'or you could get them something from us, I will put 20eu in your account'.

So not only do I have to go out and buy something and wrap it, I am not sure if she means 20eu each or between the two of them.

MmeLindt · 08/12/2009 10:15

Saying that, I should be grateful that she did not just send more bloody playmobile like the last couple of years.

herladyshiplovesedward · 08/12/2009 10:22

my MIL only asks what the dc's want so that she can completely disregard it!!

she also says every year 'what can we contribute' (to boxing day feast) and then declines every suggestion i make and brings whatever the hell she likes!!

used to drive me mad, nowadays i see it as an amusing part of the christmas festivities