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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to parties?

31 replies

MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 10:17

forgot one yesterday (well half forgot, half assumed I wouldn't be missed so didn't cancel) but can see from missed calls last night that I was missed

obviously it is the time of year, there are loads, I always say yes but this year have underestimated how tired I am and how much I just want to spend my free time relaxing by the fire with a book or watching the soft porn that is the Tudors

is it really really rude to just not show up?

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 06/12/2009 10:23

I think it's rude not to show up if you've said you will be there - it's only polite to cancel within a reasonable time if you know you won't make it. If you're tired and not feeling in the party mood why not just say no to invites.

Original poster
MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 10:27

hope it is not irretrievably rude

usually I LOVE parties and am thrilled to receive invitations and it's a bit out of character to feel so anti-social

must make apologies then

OP posts:
lazyemma · 06/12/2009 10:52

God yes, at least make up an excuse even if it's a really lame one. I think it's even acceptable to text it if you don't trust yourself not to make a hash of it. Just going turning up is really not cricket.

Mind you, I always wish I could tell the truth and say "sorry, I just don't feel like going out", but I can't do it. I always have to make something up.

lazyemma · 06/12/2009 10:53

That doesn't make sense. What I meant to say there is "just not turning up".

Jujubean77 · 06/12/2009 10:54

OMG you have to let them know you are not showing up!

I feel like you about curling up with a good book but always have the courtesy to tell someone I will not be going.

sarah293 · 06/12/2009 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 10:57

it was quite a big, semi-public thing, I honestly thought I wouldn't be missed and sometimes in v low esteem style wonder if have only been invited as an afterthought

not in a private house or with tightly organised catering or anything

but obviously it was still rude of me - must have been a good night, phoned one of the organisers to apologise just now and she was too hungover to talk

OP posts:
pjmama · 06/12/2009 11:08

I had a number of people who said they were coming to my wedding evening do and then just didn't turn up. Hurtful and at £15 a head for the catering it ended up costing me about £300 too!

Original poster
MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 11:13

this is the trouble with being inherently optimistic though, I always think I will snap into the party mood and go and have a great time

I think this is the first time I have just not shown up without making at least some lame excuse, pretty sure I had no form until now

maybe I will just cancel everything that is pending - it's not as if babysitters grow on trees anyway

OP posts:
Brunettelady · 06/12/2009 11:13

pjmama, the exact thing happened with our wedding too. Loads didn't turn up after we paid for the food.

I always make up a lame excuse, I couldn't not just tell anyone.

ThumbleBells · 06/12/2009 11:16

Mitchy, I think I probably wouldn't have bothered to cancel either in your situation, but since you have been "chased" to find out where you were, it's as well that you have apologised.

If it makes you feel any better at all, I once forgot to go to dinner at a friend's house. Worse, I didn't remember until 3 days later, while lying in the bath. She hadn't phoned me to see where I was (I can't remember if it was because she'd lost my number) - I was utterly utterly mortified, but she forgave me and even invited me back!

And, tbh, there have been times where I haven't wanted to go to a party or some other evening out, phoned to cancel and been coerced cajoled into going anyway - so I'm a bit wary about phoning ahead of time now (unless it is a seated/costed dinner type party)

minxofmancunia · 06/12/2009 11:21

about 6 poeple didn't show for our wedding breakfast cost us about £200. V annoying, also 3 of the non attenders were on the same table!

I always text/call and let them know if I'm not coming but have been lucky this past year having spent most of it pregnant to have some good excuses i.e.

"have all day sickness just can't face it"

"am 39 weeks pg with massive baby and can hardly walk"

but usually just the truth

"can't be arsed to stand there like a lemon not drinking whilst eveyone else gets rat arsed and annoying and i just get bored and jealous"

people are usually ok with that one

sarah293 · 06/12/2009 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MollieO · 06/12/2009 11:23

Do what I do and just decline party invites! I do think it is very bad manners to say you are going and just not turn up. I had someone do that for ds's christening. A family of 5 and I was annoyed as space was tight and I'd have invited others had I known. They didn't even call later in the week to apologise.

nickytwotimes · 06/12/2009 11:24

God, parties are insufferably dull imo.
Love having a few close pals round for a bottle of wine or something, but not a full blown party.
You should let people know you can't make it though, if at all possible.
However, Mitchy, remember not to wear your jodpurs.

teameric · 06/12/2009 11:24

YANBU I fucking hate parties

titfertat · 06/12/2009 11:25

"wedding breakfast" is just the name for the wedding meal, even if it's in the evening. god knows why!

Original poster
MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 11:40

haha, couldn't have worn them anyway as they were soaked in cat wee

it was a costume party, was supposed to be going as diarrhoea which might not have been that hilarious in person anyway?

OP posts:
Earlybird · 06/12/2009 13:11

I can honestly say I have never met anyone at a party (for work or pleasure) that has subsequently become a friend. Seems to me parties are alot of effort, and not much fun.

I'd much rather have/be asked to a dinner party with a small group where real conversation is possible, instead of making inane 'drinks party' chat.

BitOfFun · 06/12/2009 13:33

I met my DP at a party. We went outside for a smoke and never went back in

TinselianAstra · 06/12/2009 13:47

YANBU to not go. YABU to not tell people you're not going.

muminthemiddle · 06/12/2009 15:55

Agree with TinselianAstra.

Oblomov · 06/12/2009 16:29

yes it is very very rude to just not show up. you should have rung before. You knew you weren't going.

Oblomov · 06/12/2009 16:35

If you don't like parties, that is o.k. I do. But appreciate that some don't.
But atleast have th ebollocks/spine to say no thank you. initially when asked, later whne you've checked your diary, before the party ring ot say no.
Do something.
Either say no, or ring. Don't just not turn up. so extremely rude.

Original poster
MitchyInge · 06/12/2009 17:12

gosh, that's me told oblomov !

OP posts:
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