To want my DH to come home from his walking weekend

[rookiemater]

Dh is at lads walking weekend about 2.5 hours away. We have DS aged 3.5. I have Endometrioisis ( had suregery last year but they missed a cyst) and my periods are horrendous. It started last night and I hardly got any sleep plus I'm retching up my tablets as I can't keep any food down.

I had broached with DH before he went about being worried how i would cope, but he said that last months wasn't as bad ( it was) and I would be ok.

Wel I'm not I feel shaky and hot and in pain and I don't know how I will be able to look after DS all weekend on my own.

I'm no tthe type that would ever stop DH doing anything and I know he looks forward to his walking weekend. But the reason I'm in this pain is because we are TTC and he is keener than I am because I'm just fed up with the pain.

My mum is away this weekend so I can't ask her to help, I have some friends that I may be able to drop DS with for an hour or so, but I hat ehaving to explain why.

Should I ask DH to come home ?

I would ask him to come home in the morning that way you have compromised? I haven't got or ever had Endometrioisis so it's hard for me to say but if you feel you need him then you need him. I did have a very very heavy af last month and luckily I only had dd2 at home most of that day and she wasn't well so we just spent the day relaxing, can you put some dvds on for your ds? Not ideal I know but if it's that bad that just try and get through the day, ask your friends to come to your for a bit to give you some company and help with your ds?

Sorry you're feeling rubbish.

Would you be wanting him home if you had been behind him going 100% in the first place?

I would think with a 3.5yr old, you would probably be OK. I have a similar aged DS2. I'd just pacify him with whatever it took - dry cereal, crisps, crackers, drinks in cups with lids, stick the TV on and try to sleep.

When is he due back? How long will the pain last for like this?

Sorry if this seems a bit unsympathetic. Have had DH away for 5 months now, and am starting to realise I can cope with most things. But I'm used to it, and that helps. I'm sure if I could have had DH back at times, I would have, but it hasn't been possible.

if no other friends can help , then ask him, but he might be even in the middle of a walk, and could take hours and hours to get back

so sorry you are feeling so poorly.

i used to suffer awfully with my periods when i was younger, temperature, sickness, hideous pain, and that was bad enough without having young children to look after

poor poor you

do you have a wheat bag you could put on your tummy?

any dispersible or liquid pain relief you could take if tablets won;t go down?

He is due back Sunday evening but was talking about coming back on Monday morning instead.

FOurarms I have no issue with him going away with his friends he routiently goes away 2-3 times a year and I think its a good idea for him to see his friends.

I have hot pad and various strengths of pain releif its just keeping it down that is the prblem.

Is it because I'm saying is period pain that people think I should just get on with it, because thats the problem with Endo, it makes periods crippling, usually I just lie in bed and thats about all I can cope with. I'm soon to start back on the pill which will hopefully take away the pain

I thought maybe I could ask him to come back tomorrow morning, but now from the responses maybe I shouldn't, if the situation was reversed I think I wouldn't want to see my partner in pain and tryng ltook after a DC

I think you should ask your friends to help - and tell them it's because you have endometriosis.

I would probably stick it out for one more night, and then make dh know what a martyr you've been for him when he gets home

are you needing him for moral support, or to help with your DC/ Or both?

If it were me, I'd struggle on- by the time he gets back it will almost be the end of weekend anyway.

It must pose the question to him of does hehave to arrange his social life around your periods?

That's a tough one!

Are you physically too unwell to look after your son, or just want emotional support?

I think you could manage if you put your feet up and stuck your DC in front of the TV etc and get him to bed early.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but my DH used to travel a lot and once left me at home for a week when I had flu, and he had to travel across Europe, ( and I mean FLU - so much so that I had to call out the dr eventually)whilst I looked after 2 DCS- somehow! They were a bit older than your DC but it was still difficult.

Can you just lie down and rest and do as little as possible?

No, not because it's period related at all. I have a sister with the same condition, and I have seen the crippling pain she goes through. I also suffer from migraines.. had an episode a couple of weeks ago when I couldn't stand up, but had two kids who needed breakfast. After being sick twice on the way to the kitchen, they got choc lollies for breakfast.

Could you investigate other forms of pain relief (for the future at least?). Nurofen used to do melt in the mouth wafers (fab for my migraines), or could pain relief suppositories be an option?

You're right, if it was reversed, I'd come home. Probably more because I'd be worried about my boys than DH though. Is he in phone contact? Can you tell him and let him make the decision so you're not asking? And hope he makes the right one. If not, coming back tonight/tomorrow is probably a good compromise.

God my friend had endometiosis and the amount of pain she was in one time was unbelievable. It was shocking to watch, we took her to hospital for emergency pain relief.

I would ask him to come back.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her dh to organise his social life around her illness (because we are not talking about normal periods, she clearly has an illness].

Also next time he goes away, you have to make sure your mother is around to help.

But whether or not he should come home today - that's very difficult for any of us to answer.

Hi its not for emotional relief its because I'm struggling to stay upright never mind get DS dressed.

The only thing that would really stop the pain is going on the pill which is what I will be doing very soon as I have coped with this long enought and much as DH wants another baby I can't cope with it any more. I have discused pain releif with the consultant and am on some of the heaviest duty stuff there is.
I feel relieved by your post humphrey cobbler, I'm not exagerating the pain levels.

Anyway have texted him and asked him to come home tnoght or tomorrow morning, will probably hate me now.

Oh and my period is late, was expecting it earlier in the week so at least then D woulc have been around and I could have worked from my bed withougt trying to look after DS

tell him to get his gortex clad ass home. hope you are feeling better soon.

I think the fact your period is late is significant here, because presumably your DH did expect to be around for when you were feeling so ill. He arranged his weekend away for when he could reasonably have expected you to be ok.

In your situation I think I would have either:
organised some other arrangement with friends to help out, once you realised your period and extreme pain was likely to begin when your DH was away. Or: possibly asked him not to go, once you realised your period would coincide with him being away. I don't think it's entirely fair to watch him head off, knowing your period was late and likely to start any minute, and then call him back. And as others have said, he may well be out of contact or take a long time to get back.

I do think in these circumstances you need to try to get more back up and support though - what is the problem with calling on friends? You have an illness which is extreme and unpredictable and it's hardly fair for your DH's life to be on hold in case your period starts.

Also, what happens when you have your period and are bedridden and he's at work? presumably you have to manage and not call him home then?

Not being unsympathetic to your pain as it sounds horrible, but I think you need a longer term solution.

Don't bother getting ds dressed have a pj bed - camp out in your bedroom with the tv on and let him chill out.

You can then either sleep or sit with ds.

Yes, I support your decision to ask him to come home earlier. My sister used to have periods from hell - sick as a dog, in agony, unable to rise from her bed, unable to keep anything down. This was when she was childless and generally only had herself to think about. She was helpless. The thought of her having to care for a child - well it would have been unthinkable. I don't think some people realise how bad bad periods can be. I hope he is home for you soon and doesn't make you feel too guilty.

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

You usually don't mind him going away for enjoyable time with friends, but on this occasion you are in extreme pain and struggling to cope. it seems entirely reasonable for him to miss out this time, or cut it short, to help you out.

it's very diffrent from going to work imo, as work is a necessary non negotiable activity. This is a nice jolly for him, which is great most of the time, but not today.

I'm suprised at the lack of sympathy for you on here today. Yes, you could cope, but it would be horrible and most couple s would want to (or at least expect to) help thier partner whenever they are able to.

call him back, make him understand how awful this is.

Why didn't you ask him not to go, when you realised your period was late and therefore likely to start any minute, and knowing that you suffer horrendous pain and can't function? And knowing your mother is away so couldn't help out?

I disagree that there's a lack of sympathy on the thread. Everyone has said they sympathise with your awful illness, even where they've suggested that you don't call your DH back.

I just think that while he'd have been disappointed to miss his weekend, it would have been logistically far easier to not let him go to the trouble of a 2 and half hour journey away, and then call him back anyway.

I wouldnt ask for DH to come back as TBH you can cope with DS - just not upto 'normal' standards.

dont do anything except what you feel you can and have a relaxing day with him - lots of dvds and duvet etc. order out for food if you need to and dont do any house work.

my DH wouldnt even consider coming home. so maybe thats why i wouldnt even ask.

it does pass. i know how horrendous it is - i have endo. but i also have to cope with 2 ds's, 2 dogs and i know there are people out there alot worse off than me, so i just 'suck it up'.

genuinely sorry you are feeling this way - but if you can make it to the pc, then you are not dying!!!! :-)

You poor thing Sounds hideous.

But I wouldn't ask him to come back. I would contact him, let him know how bad it is and that you need him to come back on Sunday as originally planned. Ask some friends to help - surely you can tell them why?

I'm really shocked at the response you've had here. Surely before you are ringing round friends asking them to give up weekend time to help you, your DH should be coming back?

sowhatis - I pity you for having a husband that wouldn't consider curtailing his social life to help you.

Rookie - I hope your DH does come home. He may not be happy about it but in view of the situation you've outlined re TTC etc then it is his responsibilty to support you through this.

I did suggest to him that he didn't go, he said I would be ok, the nature of the pain is volatile and is getting worse on a monthly basis if I had got sleep last night I would be ok.

I mean yes I can just about manage, but I thought that was the point of being married so you could support each other. DH went away yesterday morning so he had a full day walking yesterday.

And yes I do know I need to find a longer term solution, going on the pill is the longer term solution but as it stops TTC then DH doesn't want me to do it until the pain gets too bad.

I have migraines which, if untreated, lead to 3 or 4 days of extreme pain and regular throwing up - to the point where there's nothing to throw up but bile. Yuk!

So my tablets have something in them to stop me throwing up so my body can absorb the migraine medication. Can you ask your GP for something similar?

why are you trying to get your DS dressed? it will not do him any harm at all to stay in his PJs.

your DH is probably halfway up a mountain by now and will not be able to go home straight away - cutting a walk short with a group is not easy and can lead to dangerous 'short-cuts'.

depending on where he is it might be too long a drive after a whole day's walking tonight (it's easy to fall asleep at the wheel after a long days walking).

however, he can come home first thing sunday morning before the group goes out walking again. that seems a reasonable compromise to me and your DS only spends one day in his PJs .

YANBU, I have endometriosis and on some occasions, I would not be able to look after DD. The pain relief I need to take knocks me out. I'm lucky that I'm able to rely on my family (who live nearby and are happy to help) but DH is conscious of the problem and would take holiday from work if needed (his boss is also aware of this). Fortunately I'm normally at my worst in the evenings so this hasn't had to happen yet but it is a worry each month.

I'd certainly call DH home from a weekend away if necessary, and he'd be more than happy to come back for me and DD if needed.

Sorry you're having a hard weekend, it's a horrible condition and can be a nightmare to manage.

I feel so sorry for you. Sounds horrid

He should come home right now and help you out. If not then he is a prat.
Hope he comes home and you feel better soon.