To want my DH to come home from his walking weekend

[rookiemater]

Dh is at lads walking weekend about 2.5 hours away. We have DS aged 3.5. I have Endometrioisis ( had suregery last year but they missed a cyst) and my periods are horrendous. It started last night and I hardly got any sleep plus I'm retching up my tablets as I can't keep any food down.

I had broached with DH before he went about being worried how i would cope, but he said that last months wasn't as bad ( it was) and I would be ok.

Wel I'm not I feel shaky and hot and in pain and I don't know how I will be able to look after DS all weekend on my own.

I'm no tthe type that would ever stop DH doing anything and I know he looks forward to his walking weekend. But the reason I'm in this pain is because we are TTC and he is keener than I am because I'm just fed up with the pain.

My mum is away this weekend so I can't ask her to help, I have some friends that I may be able to drop DS with for an hour or so, but I hat ehaving to explain why.

Should I ask DH to come home ?

I wouldn't ask my dh to come home tbh.

See if your friends can have your ds for this afternoon, take liquid pain relief & try to get some sleep.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks Heffa I needed to hear that. Dh is planning to come home tomorrow morning now, if I feel better I will let him know.

I'd ask him to come home, even if I were just a little under the weather. He has children and responsibilities too, and if he has to adjust his social life because of it, then he's only doing what 95% of the world's mothers do day in, day out.

I hate this attitude that women look after children while men 'help out'. A weekend away when everything is fine is one thing, going when there's the slightest hint he'd be needed is another.

YANBU.

No-one knows what Endo feels like unless they have been there. It is agony, I have it and have been hospitalised on a morphine drip countless times due to the pain. It is not period pain - and 'Nurofen wafers' (I just want to laugh) would not even begin to touch the pain.

There are also varying degrees of Endo pain depending on how advanced it is and how many organs/areas it is attatched too so no-one bar the OP really knows how bad it is.

I'm glad your DH is coming home early and you need to think about your options now as you shouldn't have to suffer like this.

I have had endo for 16 years and in your situation I would have no problem with asking dh to come back. It's not acceptable that you are being left in this situation by yourself. I think it's different to flu - When I had flu so bad that I couldn't stand up, I left the dcs in jim jams the whole day in front of the TV - that's the only option. However, when you are in that level of pain, you should not be in sole charge of children.

Last time I was in hospital for a laparoscopy the woman next to me had been admitted with the kind of endo pain you describe. She was being given morphine intravenously and often came in once a month when her normal meds no longer worked. She had also survived cancer and said the the endo pain was so much worse than cancer. Nobody should have to endure what you are doing right now.

Are you at least getting some sensible pain relief like Tramadol? I suppose that might be problematic if you are ttc. If you can't swallow the pain meds they are available in injectible form, but you would have to call pout a doctor for that obviously.

Best of luck for the weekend. But life is too short to suffer so much.

I really don't underatnd why people wouldn't ask thier Dh's to come home from a weekend away if they were in extreme pain and felt they needed help??

I can understand the point that it's not that easy if he's half way up a mountain so you may have to realistically wiat until the next mornng, fair enough, can't do anything about that, but why would you expect to struggle and be in pain if your Dh could come back and help you?

My Dh and I are very relxaed about doing things, and going away without each other, and will both happily have to kids on our own, BUT if either one of us was feeling under the weather, never mind in real pain, it would be assumed the others priority would be to support.

if my dh felt rotten with a cold i wouldn't go away. it's horrid being on yur own with kids and feeling shit, so if the other parent can be there surely they should be??

..and all this 'you can make it to the computer you can cope' crap??

how friggin bad would this women would need to feel before she was justified in asking the childs father to come and help her?

And what decade/century is this??

Yanbu.

Tbh, under the circumstances, he shouldn't have gone in the first place imo.

No way would I leave dh, or him me, if we there was a good chance we were going to be really unwell. Not with a wee one to look after. My 3.5 yr old ds is pretty high maintainance. Telly doen't really placate him for long and no way could I snooze with him around.

You have my sympathies OP. I have endo too and have been hospitalized many times to get the pain under control. My uterus is retro and leans against my bowels and thats where the endo is, so they stick together and it's AGONIZING sometimes, not to mention very dangerous, I could get a torn bowel. So I have laser laps every 2-3 year and have been on every painkiller known to man. At the mo I am doing ok as I changed my diet right after the last laser lap 2 years ago but I can feel I am "sticking" inside again so surgery might be needed in the next few months. The pain is pretty awful, I can't take anything strong when I work so I have to muddle through or call my boss if it's a hospitalisation scenario. But as soon as I clock off I down the codeine and go straight to bed. Am allergic to the brufen family so have to use codeine and just plain paracetamol if I'm at work but that stuff's a joke, it hardly tickles the pain.

Anyway a waffly post and I really feel for you. Stay in bed and have your DS fetch things for you. One day of pjs and snacking all day won't hurt him. And your DH should come home as soon as he can if you really feel you can't cope and should go to hospital.

Baroness, I am so with you. After I had posted my message earlier, I switched off the pc is disgust at some of the responses Rookie was getting.

As I said earlier, I have witnessed someone in extreme pain from a period. There is no way they would be up to caring for anyone else, let alone a 3 yo child. If Rookie had said she was high as a kite on drugs or drink, no-one here would have said she should be left in sole charge of a child. Well, here she is in extreme pain and unable to keep anything down. She is not a single mother. There is a father around. Of course she should not have to soldier on, especially as she may well be so out of it in pain that she cannot be trusted caring for a child.

Those of you who say take some pain relief really have no idea. Try a paracetamol next time you are in labour and see if that helps! This sort of pain is not manageable with OTC drugs, and anyway Rookie has said she can't keep her meds down.

Also, I am astonished that people feel that Rookie should have a better support network than she has. It matters not how many friends or family she has around her. Her dh should be her first port of call imo.

Maybe it's the fact that the OP has posted here asking the question in the first place that's making people suspect she herself sees it as a bit borderline?

Lots of people have said that they wouldn't hesitate, but actually, the OP did hesitate, and ask here first. That does say something about how clear cut a case of 'absolutely can't cope' it is (or isn't), even though the pain and illness sounds awful.
I would want my dh back too.

OP, your dh coming home a bit early seems like a good compromise.

If I needed DH, I would expect him to come running from wherever he was. Same goes for him. No question, if I am calling then I need him and he will come. That is the way it is supposed to be IMO.

Of course you should ask your dh to come home. Even if you could cope, why should you have to..

I have migraines which I'm sure are nowhere as bad, but I do expect dh to drop what he's doing and pitch in when I get an attack. That's what families do, they help and support each other.

Yes Ickle I must admit I felt slightly well I don't know what the word is about the nurofen suggestion.

I have severe endo Stage 4, its pretty much everywhere, I had surgery about a year ago when the consultant removed a massive cyst, was on menopause injections for 6 months and then back to TTC. But due to periods getting so painful again went back to consultant got another scan and turns out they either missed a cyst or one has grown subsequently. Surgery may sort it but I can't face it again, plus once I go on the pill I am really hoping this will keep the pain at bay.

Sowhatis I am well aware that there are people worse off than me. I am very glad that I have a condition that will hopefully go away at menopause and I am generally fairly upbeat, however I'm clearly not as stoic as some mumsnetters.

Ironically I am feeling slightly better, not that I would like to admit that to you lot, so if I get a decent nights sleep then I will tell DH to come home on Sunday evening rather than the morning.

Thanks everyone for your responses, it has been an eye opener in many ways.

Oh Goat, are you the goaty one I know ?

Hmmm, yes, the menopause injectons...Zoladex? They're pleasant aren't they!

Have you been on the pill before? Do you know it works well for you?

Oh missed some of the supportive responses, thank you very much for your kind words particularly Baroness and Dumbeldores and big waves to fellow endo sufferers.

Around question of my meds, I'm on Voltarol topped up with paracetamol. I am really hoping that I only have one more period to go through and that if I don't conceive after that DH will be ok to call it quits. I'm almost 40 so I'm resigned to not having another if it means I can stop being in such pain and DH isn't as resolved so we are trying to compromise on a reasonable length of time.

My friend is coming round later and is hoping to entice DS away with her for a couple of hours so I can have a snooze.

Yes IJ I was on Cerazette for years with no ill effects, although I think being off the pill for over a year TTC and then this time has made the endo a lot worse so I don't know if it will be enough this time round, but I'm really keen to avoid more surgery in the short term and apparently my mum had her menopause mid 40s so if I can keep going until then will hopefully avoid having a hysterectomy.

Rookie I sympathise completely.
I had endo, probably nowhere near as bad as you.
After spending pretty much the last five years pregnant then immediately going on Cerazette it appears to touch wood have gone away for the time being.

Yes your DH needs to be back tomorrow morning. Hope you're ok until then x

I went on Zoladex for 6 months and turned into the psycho bitch from hell! Also put loads of weight on. Horrible.

One gyne appointment I had I was told to have a baby as soon as I could. I told them if they could get a sample of Joaquin Pheonix's swimmers I'd be delighted to but now he's the mess he is I have changed my mind, I'd happily accept any of the Saarsgaard (sp) brothers

Surgery is no fun, although I feel so unsticky and clean inside afterwards. I find it amazing how ill I can get with endo, compared to how well I feel after surgery IYSWIM?

Yes zoladex is a laugh, I was practically catatonic the entire 6 months I was on it, although thankfully I didn't put on too much weight. It's another reason I'm unkeen to go in for another lap because I have this big fear that the consultant would put me on it again and in many ways having 2-3 days of extreme pain are preferable to an entire month of feeling depressed and tired.

We are actually incredibly lucky to have DS. I got pregnant one month after coming off the pill, at the time not knowing I had endo, I ironically thought it was because DH and I were Super fertile, but actually coming off the pill gives your fertility a huge boost.

We must do an Endo thread in health for us all.

I agree that your dh should come back. Presumably he has seen you in this amount of pain before, and so should be willing to come home.

I think I have endo, my period pain is horrendous and I end up curled up in a ball on the floor and even lying completely still hurts. My gp won't refer me for investigation though.

I am a single paent, and I could not cope with that level of pain once a month and so I take the pill back to back.

OP - I can't believe some of the responses on here. I know it could take time for your DH to come back, but what is with this attitude that a man is entitle to be off on his jollies, and his wife has to just struggle by? Why? A marriage/partnership is about mutual support. You are in crippling agony, therefore he should be with you supporting you.
I don't have endo, but my god it sounds horrendous.
YANBU

IMO- I don't think your DH should have left until you had both talked and come to a decision about what to do TOGETHER! Either your DH is not treating you as I would expect, or you agreed to him going away without being totally convinced by the decision.

Breakdown of communication I think?

OP - I'm really glad he is coming back, and I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

I will reiterate my earlier point that I find it incomprehensible that people would seriously expect their friends to pick up the slack so their DHs could continue with a weekend away if they were in need of support. Work is one thing, but a social activity?

He should come home you aren't well and you need him. You should be clear that you need him