To feel hurt that my DP wants to freeze some sperm before having the snip?

[saladfingers]

I'm 42 and he's 37. We have 4 DC, aged 11, 2 1/2, 16 months and 3 months.I've been nagging him for over a year to have a vasectomy.He agrees that our family is now complete. However he is still dragging his feet. We saw the GP and got a referral to a family planning clinic. He then needed to make an appointment for the counselling session that they like both partners to attend. But he still hasn't done even that much!

I've been trying to understand what he might be going through. I appreciate there will be some discomfort or even pain, that he fears his masculinity might decrease, that sex might be different....but last week he confessed that the reason he hasnt gone through with it yet is that he wants to freeze some of his sperm 'just in case'??

When i wanted to understand the 'just in case' senario he explained how much he loved his kids and couldn't imagine life without them, should a terrible accident happen and he lose them all he would want more!This really upset me. To think he could imagine such a terrible event and plan how he would compensate for it. I was also deeply hurt that he was probably planning to have these other kids with someone else. I felt we were ending the reproductive stage of our relationship together but it turns out he wants to keep his options open. Am i just being mean? I thought we were going into the infertile future together.

I think he's more worried that i might leave him and take the kids. His mum left his dad. I have threatened to leave during major arguements.Maybe this is all my own fault. God forbid this eventuality will ever actually happen.I just wished he'd never told me. Did i really need to know?

Good luck sorting everything out.

As I said, I can understand how his request could be very insulting given his circumstances. If he is strung up about his Mum leaving then it's hard not to see it as a hint that you could leave too. So I can see both points of view.

Could you not use a cap? I find it pretty good.

It doesn't sound like he really wants to do it and I don't think you should pressure him personally.

When Dh had his snip my concern was exactly that; in the future, say something happened to me and he met someone else, he might really want to have the chance to have children with her. He decided it wasn't an issue for him and went ahead`with it without saving sperm.

But it still bothers me a bit, he's a fab husband and dad, and if I wasn't around I'd want the best for him. I don't like to think of him missing out on happiness with someone else because she might not want to resign herself to a life without dcs.

Sounds like you've taken advice on board, op, good luck with sorting it.

A female friend of mine had two children with her husband, they decided the family was complete, he had a vasectomy. Two years later she left him for another man and she had another child with him. Her DH1 didn't have that option. So I guess the end result was that the operation meant that HIS family was complete but HERS wasn't.

You never know what will happen. Why do you threaten to leave him? Seems pretty odd to me - it's crossing a line I wouldn't cross with my DH.

yeah its a bit final - if he's only 98% sure. so let him freeze some.