Am I being a miserable moo ?

[MillyMollyMoo]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, have been very sick and tired, DH has done an awful lot for me over the past few weeks whilst studying for an MBA and trying to find work as he was made redundant last November.

So we have very limited savings left, about £3k and obviously he gets JSA which has been paying the bills but it's dwindling.

Next issue is that DH wasn't particularly happy about this new baby, but one of his concerns was that we as a couple don't do much together anymore.

So whilst looking through his phone today for a number (he would do the same that really isn't an issue) I discover he has planned a night out with his fellow MBA students next Friday for a pizza - fine won't break the bank - but how is he getting home - taxi ?? £40 or is he staying out all night

I was invited on a mums night out with the school mums and had basically decided I couldn't afford it as I'd have to pay for a taxi or parking plus the meal and I figured that any spare cash we had should be going towards Christmas presents for the kids or at best we should have a night out together.

What do you think ?

Oh ok in that case i will refer back to my original reply. Let him have his night out. Place a budget for him. Your imagination could run totally wild here. Tell him your concerns, he is your H. Tell him you worry he will end up with just her and make it clear you dont wish for this to happen.

You sound slightly jealous too?? Organise for your own night out and then you will be more relaxed about his.

Budget Budget Budget!!!!

hopefully, he is hoping you will be a dear and drive and get him (i also provided the pregnancy taxi service) or return home early....but he hasn't discussed it yet.

i agree that when you are short of cash, it is right to limit what you do and to expect your other half to be careful too.

But you don't quite know what he's planning yet...

Shall I suggest picking him up or would that sound OTT ?
I could get his mother to come over for the evening so I'd be able to collect him around 11ish at the latest but am worried that seems like picking up a kid from the school disco ???

How about suggesting you pick him up, and spend (some of) the money saved on a taxi on going to the cinema or something?

I would point out that (a) you don't have the money for him to afford the night out and (b) he needs to stop this cosy little friendship with young lovely.

Then both put your money and energy into the priorities for your family - getting ready/reconciled re. new baby, your DH getting a job, having couple time and so on.

Suggest it. Why not? I would save a fair. If he is not keen though forget about it.

2 weeks ago I was being asked to abort the baby so we could have more of a life/time together

hmm..not nice.

although lots of men go through major wibbles whilst their OH is pregnant, that would sting, I don't think you'd be unreasonable to resent this at all..

I smell a rat , sorry

I dont like the sounds of this night out with a young lady on his own AT ALL

This is not a big festive night out with his collegues, this is a potential one on one with a young woman

sorry, but this sounds dodgy

He shit himself when you saw him with her having a coffee, you have found texts about a meet up and he hasn't mentioned it to you, you are both stressed with the responsibilities of two children and lack of funds. So, seems to me, he wants to let his hair down, him saying you don't spend enough time together does not mean he can spend time with another woman and what exactly was said when you saw them together, what was the other woman's reaction? Seems he is trying to worm out of the situation at home. He needs to address these issues as you both seem unhappy. IME, some men run screaming when they cannot handle responsibility, and I personally think there is more to him meeting this woman.

He hadn't mentioned anything about this night out at all and the text didn't say staying anywhere just staying the night.

Anyway I've had it out with him and asked outright, he denies everything and has no problem with me picking him up however I bet that won't happen because we won't have childcare.

I am far from happy about any of it, don't trust him as far as I can throw him but what can you do ?

Children are 9, 7 and 5.

I wanted to see the reaction to the lift idea.

Do I love him, there's a question, I did, it's all a bit bogged down with stress, kids and money at the moment.

Sorry to drag this up again but I think I am about to ruin my Christmas.

So the night out - he drove so he couldn't drink but arrived home at 3.30am

He keeps the phone glued to his pocket, it's never out of his sight, but I found some emails were he tells this girl he is fustrated with me and needs his nurse - help he says, (she is a nurse btw), is this the sort of banter you'd expect between a married man and a 23 year old ?

I have become utterly unreasonable and am going to get hold of that phone tomorrow whilst he's asleep but am terrified of what'll see

hi mmm, i doubt an erratic mare like myself would be able to give you some decent advice, but right now you seem really stressed
if it was me, i would look. but if you do, before you do, you need to figure out what you will do afterwards - if you find something incriminating will you confront him straight away or will you sit on it? if you don't find anything suspicious will you leave it alone or still seek evidence?
best of luck

that's not to say i always make sensible decisions btw

Thanks for replying, I've found a Christmas present I don't think is for me, so Christmas morning could be all hell breaking loose because I won't be able to hide it.

I wish I could block it all out at least until the new year for the kids sake.

Good luck, sounds like you may need it mmm.xx

Just read your thread MMM. If this was me, I'd certainly be worried that H was up to no good - or planning to be. I presume you haven't mentioned the emails to him yet?

If it was me, I'd be snooping like mad right now, but it's easy to torture yourself with bits of information that are inconclusive. And the chances are that he'll be deleting evidence from his phone anyway.

I really feel for you going through this whilst pg - and at Christmas.

So the phone of course is empty, no sent messages at all hmmmm

I've done something naughty, I've set up an email account and a facebook account - he's never joined and added her as a friend.

So how would you play this, do I leave his status blank, just put photo's of him on it and see if something incriminating is written on the wall or messaged or do I plastered the profile with our wedding photo's, kids pictures, us together so she pisses off ?

Don't play games - a marriage is too important for that.

You need to confront him and talk all this through - but snooping around trying to get his phone, setting up facebook accounts etc is not the way to do it. He'll respond in a similarly childish way and it'll be deadlock.

Tell him how you feel.