AIBU to complain about my DD's punishment at school

[magentadreamer]

My DD is in yr8, not a known trouble maker and most of her teachers state she is a hard working quiet child.DD doesn't push the uniform rules or any other school rules to the limit and has yet to get the "teen attitude". She also knows I'd be livid with her should she back chat teachers etc.

DD unfortunately left both her keys and her school shoes at her Dad's yesterday and as he'd already gone to work this morning I was unable to drop her off there to get her school shoes. I told Dd to wear a her plain black trainers instead and wrote a note in her planner explaining why she was wearing a banned item of footwear. Dd was told at the Breakfast club she would have to go see her Head of Year regarding her trainers, the teacher in charge didn't want to see my note nor did the Head of year. Dd after explaining I was at work and she couldn't get her shoes was sent to the school isolation unit because she was wearing a pair of black trainers! DD did ask if she could wear the pumps she has for drama but since they were grey she was told she couldn't - these pumps aren't a uniform item and were bought at the bequest of the drama teacher. At no point was I contacted regarding her being put into the isolation unit. If I had I'd have left work driven the 20 mile round trip to get her Dad's house keys and retrived her school shoes so she could have attended lessons.

I could understand this punishment if she was always in trouble but she isn't. I'd have even supported the school if she was forever flouting school rules but she's the kind of child who goes to school, does what she is asked and avoids any kind of trouble by behaving herself. I'm not one of those Mums who thinks their Dc is an angel who can do know wrong.

I have written a letter to school tonight and her Dad is going to ring first thing but I now feel like going into school tomorrow and camping out till someone will explain why my Dd was put into the isolation unit for wearing a pair of plain non flashy trainers!

re:pumps worn for prolonged period are bad for causing fallen arches and provide inadequate ankle support.can encourage poor gait too

Rules are rules mate

I sympathise, I know it's hard, but aren't the rules about encouraging them to take responsibility and NOT leave their shoes / keys in places where thsy can't get them when they need them? She forgot, so she put herself in the position of breaking the rules.

Detention seems de rigeur for uniform infringements, tough as it seems. But generally we want schools to maintain a high level of discipline.

Also, it's over now.
She didn't have the shoes, she 'did the time', help her with ways to remember her stuff when she comes home fom her dad's. If you (and her Dad!) complain to the school you will look like loons.

Rules are rules and it will do her no harm to learn that. Tell her she did her best in the circumstances and it's a shame, but she still broke the rules and so got the punishment. Give her a hug and sympathise. But don't comtact the school and undermine them.

When she is a solicitor (for example) in 10 years time she can try her best to get to court on time but if she is late nonetheless and the judge has one on him, then her case will be penalised. Sometimes life sucks - accept it and move on, don't go on about it, you can't change what has happened.

At the very least, if you contact the school over their handling of it, don't tell your DD you have done so.

this sounds like an over reaction by the school. they are risking alienating the parents and the child by doling out such a punishment.

Have you asked how they provided how they provided for her education during this day in isolation?

If the school is trying to send a message, I can understand keeping her out of circulation during break and lunch time but all lessons is a big over reaction.

I think they overreacted, and I also think that the time of both the teacher and Head of Year could be better spent on more important things than someone wearing slightly the wrong type of shoe with a fairly good reason.

I was constantly leaving things at my mum's/dad's house and getting into trouble for it at school, especially at your DD's age. This might be a bit unreasonable of me to say, and I'm not criticising you, but maybe you and her dad could make sure before she leaves that she has everything? At that age I found it very hard to keep everything in my head at one time and looking back I think my parents should have been more careful to make sure I was organised...

Total over-reaction by the school!

We have pretty good 'uniform compliance' where I teach, (nice 'leafy lane', over subscribed comp) & isolation is for repeat offenders.

For example, S in my tutor group. Nice girl, lots going on in her life that makes it a bloody miracle she ever even makes it in. But - pillar box red mohawk, no tie, too-small St Trinians style blouse, skinny black jeans instead of school trews, & Converse hi-tops. So she's been in isolation for the day today.

If we started banging up kids who have ONCE turned up in the wrong footwear AND have notes from parents - well, we'd need a much bigger Isolation Unit. & it'd be somewhat of a misnomer, too...

I think you'd be quite entitled to kick off, but actually, & I know it's infuriating, probably best you don't - she's done her isolation time now, & it does no harm to learn that 'rules are rules' - sometimes people fall foul of them through no fault of their own, & that's life.

I think I'd agree with dd that it was unfair, give her a hug & maybe get her a spare pair of (cheap) school shoes so that she's got a pair at each house?

when you picked her up from her Dads, or whrn he dropped her back home, whichever, why didn't you check that she had all her things?

the obvious lesson to learn is that it's better to take the day off and pull a sickie than go in wearing trainers. is she old enough to stay at home unsupervised (clueless about secondary school stuff)

your dd has learned an important life lesson about shitty arbitary rules and the consequences of falling foul of them. better to learn it now than later.

(I'd be gutted as well btw)

I agree with you both sanfairyann & mrsjammi; I think the school has behaved ridiculously.

Hmmm. Hadn't occurred to me that anyone would truant rather than take the consequences for a uniform problem - my tutor group would think this quite mental, as their 'consequence' usually consists of me saying 'Right, get it sorted for Monday, yes?'.

But, well, the OP's dd did forget her shoes - they weren't stolen, outgrown, or ruined in unforeseeable circs, any of which might justify a day or two's grace to get new ones - just left at her dad's by accident.

So she's received a (draconian & disproportionate) sanction from the school. Not great, but I'd still go with 'take it on the chin & don't forget 'em again' tbh.

how ridiculous. mistakes happen. we all forget things sometimes. would the school rather she hadnt gone? because thats what i would do in future rather than subject my daughter to humiliation for something that was now out of her hands. you made the decision on what she was going to wear instead, so why was she punished?

pathetic. i would bring this up with the school, yes. totally ott.

How ridiculous. If the school were unhappy, they should have raised it with you (as you gave her permission) not punished her. I would be furious in your, um, shoes.

Philosphical question:

Why does anyone submit to arbitary rules?

The rules is rules argument is tripe, obviously.

In our everyday lives, we follow the rules we have to, to make things work. Basic example: we drive on the left, otherwise our cars would crash.

We also follow (hopefully) basic moral codes.

We tend to follow hopeful rules: don't walk on the grass. We know that you or me just walking on the grass won't make the blindest bit of difference, but if EVERYONE does, there is no grass. We know that in an emergency, walking on the grass makes no real difference.

Why do we follow arbitary rules with no consequences of breaking them apart from, erm, breaking them?

Then there are school uniform rules and the ridiculous punishments associated with them. 35 years ago these made no sense to me whatsoever. They still don't. What is the basis for imposing some arbitary rule?

Do please enlighten me.

The thing is - devil's advocate, & before you start, I agree the school was ludicrously heavy-handed - it's not up to the OP to give her dd 'permission' to wear non-uniform shoes.

Spending a day in the Isolation Unit doesn't mean she'll have been picking oakum & dining on gruel in between floggings. She'll have been getting on with schoolwork.

I'm sorry, but it does strike me as equally ridiculous, VicarInatuTu, to suggest that you'd let a child truant rather than have her abide by the (again, I agree, totally OTT) school discipline policy.

If everybody turned up in trainers on Monday - what would the school do?

When we get older and go to work - we have the choice of joining a union and using acas, acas in schools maybe a good idea and they can mediate between the teachers and parents

OK, Tigerdrivesagain:

Uniform & its desirability is debateable - so are lots of school rules.

But the 'big picture' is more important in a school community. We've got to keep several 100 people safe, & we've got to ensure they have an environment in which they can learn.

The only way of doing that is to start with a framework of rules - to be reviewed from time to time, & not to be applied completely inflexibly & in a manner calculated to gratuitously piss off students or their parents, one would hope.

But you do have to start with 'If it's a school rule, you comply with it, or accept the sanction'.

IME, the vast, vast majority of secondary age kids are much more comfortable with 'uniform issue = isolation' than they'd be with 'uniform issue - depends whether you've got a mum who's willing to write you a note or not'.

One's 'tight', an over-reaction, petty etc - yes, I agree. But the alternative's unfair.

i didnt say i would let her truant. where did i say that?

i think another poster before me said the word truant. i certainly didnt.

please point out where i said that?

Ivykaty, it's not the teachers!

I'm not fussed if someone's wearing a gimp mask with a ballgown & scuba flippers, so long as they're willing to work & behave in my lesson.

It's the Head & the Governors who decide uniform.

Vicarinatutu:

'would the school rather she hadnt gone? because thats what i would do in future rather than subject my daughter to humiliation for something that was now out of her hands'

mrsjammi - I took my dd into school after having her broken leg replatered - dd had worn jeans to the appointment and we were going to go home so she could chnange before going into school.

Only the hospital told uis not to take the jeans off over the plaster for something like 2 hours.

So I just took dd into school (I am not having her miss school with a broken leg) when I got there they were not happy and wanted me to take her home.

I asked why? oh due to the fact she is wearing jeans - I explained that it wasn't possible to change them due to the wet plaster and she certianly wasn't going to take her home she was here to learn and wasn't missing school due to broken legs or heans.

They did let her go to her lessons.

Sorry, Raven, I still don't get it. I can understand elf and safety rules but I don't see what pink trainers, long hair, etc etc have to do with that at all or why they get brought into it.

Apologies, I am in a cross and tired mood for lots of reasons. Nothing to do with this. But I loathed these rules when I was a kid, my DS (yr3) pushes the boundaries with uniform rules all the time and I can't see an iota of a reason to stop him. And to make things worse, in my work I spend all day telling people what "the rules" are and what will happen when they break them, despite all this. Must be in the wrong job