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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my dp to leave work to take dd to school

101 replies

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 10:46

My ds has been sick since Tuesday morning, i think he may have picked up a bug from dd who had diahoreah since Friday. He was sick several times on Tuesday and seemed to pick up a little but then all yesterday he was very lethargic and cpmplaining quite often about a sore stomach. My dd is 6yo and has been off school because of her stomach upset and the school said she could'nt go back until she had been diahoreah free for 24 hours. Anyway her last bout of diahoreah was Tuesday evening so i was all set to get her back to school this morning. I had a really bad night with ds as he was waking every half hour or so crying in pain. I got up this morning and started getting ready to get dd to school when ds was sick and had diahoreah, he did'nt want to get out of bed and is really tired. So, i phoned my dp at work, he works 15 minutes away, and asked him if he could possibly come and pick dd up and take he to school as i really did'nt want to take ds out.

He said he would speak to his manager so i carried on getting dd ready for school, getting packed lunch ready etc and he phone up and said would it not be ok just to keep dd home from school as he could'nt "be bothered" to come and pick her up. He had'nt even asked his manager, he had spoken to his workmate and he said that if one of his kids was ill he would just keep them both off.

Anyway i told him that i really wanted to get her back to school as she has already missed too much, he said it does'nt really matter as she is only in primary 2. This ended up with him saying to me "why could'nt you have fucking asked me this before i went to work". Well as i can't see into the future i had no idea that my ds was going to take a turn for the worse 15 minutes after dp left for work. I have a phobia of vomiting which i've recieved cbt for and i have been coping with this fairly well but it really freaks me out, and i also have health anxiety and tend to imagine the worst when my kids are ill so this has been very difficult for me and i just wanted a little support from my dp.

so AIBU.

OP posts:

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:38

can i please just make it very clear that i do not call on my dp to help out in these situations as a matter of course. And as far as the buggy is concerned i would rather choose one that is practical and that will last than just by some cheap one that will be of no good for any length of time, i can't afford to buy 2 buggies, especailly at this time of year.

OP posts:

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:38

I didn´t say it was sad not to know others from school.

I sad it was sad that there aren´t people around to help.

Here we are given the home numbers of all the parents in the same class.

Youngster obviously walk to school in groups, not alone.

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:38

Vomiting!!! really!!!!!

I'm assuming it is 15 mins each way.

We have had situations where the dc have been sick in the car on the way to school in the past and it has been awful for them and their sibling.

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:40

Not allowed to give telephone numbers out here due to privacy reasons. A very few schools have "walking buses" but it is not a common thing.

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:40

Back to the OP.

I would be livid if my husband said he "couldn´t be bothered" to do something as important as take our child to school for once-if it was possible to do so.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:41

no way would i take my ds out in this weather in a buggy or not when he is so ill. At least in the house i can contain the vomit, if i had taken him out and he'd been sick again it would have very distressing for him and extremely stressful for me.

OP posts:

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:42

Parents have to agree to their number being given out-although all do.

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:44

You did the right thing Kaylasmum, honestly.

mrsjammi · 26/11/2009 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 26/11/2009 13:48

Actually,islandofsodor, you are right. After looking at the op again and seeing that the 2yo was ill through the night and vomiting in the morning - no I wouldn't have walked to school with him. If he'd been okay through the night and had just been sick the once in the morning then I would have considered it depending on whether I thought he would be okay.

But if I'd thought he wasn't okay then at that point I would have asked dh to go into work late and take older child to school if we couldn't find an alternative

stickylittlefingers · 26/11/2009 13:53

kaylasmum you're absolutely right to look after your ds. Don't be anxious - you've done entirely the right thing.

The only thing I'd say is that you probably know lots of people who would be in the same situation, but you just don't know it iyswim. Lots of parents feel isolated these days and like they have to do everything themselves, as well as keep jobs going and everuthing else. With that in mind, if it ever came up in conversation, it might be worth seeing if you can find other parents you can reciprocate with if the need arises.

I'd never (and haven't) put my name and number on a general list like that, tho diddl. We got the list with all the parents that did, but I was amazed how many there were! Is it just because I'm a lawyer or are other people not so bothered about privacy? Anyway, off the point!

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:58

It´s for parents to call parents, children to call friends.

What´s the problem?

What do you think any of the other parents are going to do with the phone numbers?

stickylittlefingers · 26/11/2009 14:05

I've absolutely no idea - that's the point! There are about 90 children in her year - I don't know all those parents. I also don't know what they'd do with the list having received it. If they didn't dutifully stick in on the kitchen notice board (like we did!) perhaps they threw it away in the general rubbish without shredding, for example?

I really really don't want people getting hold of my home phone/email. DP even more so - we're ex-directory for a reason! And so is virtually everyone I know...

Anyway, sorry OP. Didn't want to hijack, and am stopping now!

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 14:10

i'd just like to add that the last time my ds was ill like this we were sent to hospital by ambulance and had to be put on a drip as he was seriously dehydrated.

Maybe i am over reacting to everything but i'm worried about ds.

OP posts:

CirrhosisByTheSea · 26/11/2009 14:15

kaylasmum - I'm sure your DS will be fine, this is common childhood stuff. As long as he is drinking water that is good. But if you need to you can call the doctor out....

diddl · 26/11/2009 14:15

We only have numbers of the ones in our class.

email? what´s that got to do with anything?

It also used so that if necessary a message can be relayed to each parent/child sothat the teacher doesn´t phone all-one phones the next on the list.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 26/11/2009 14:15

hopefully the doctor won't say 'I can't be bothered'

verytellytubby · 26/11/2009 14:19

DD was so sick last week and I called around for help but no-one answered so I took DT's to school and DD had a sick bucket in the car! I parked right near the gate and waited until I saw someone I knew. Not ideal but I didn't want DT's home!

Seuss · 26/11/2009 14:28

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If you had asked your dh and his manager said no then fair enough but if he just couldn't be bothered I'd be annoyed too. At least you have explained to the school so shouldn't get any trouble about the absence, perhaps you could ask for some work for your dd to catch up over the weekend? (DP to help her obviously!)

I have friends at the kids' school but none of them would be able to do the school run for me without it being arranged in advance.

I'm sure your ds will be fine, hope he's feeling better soon.

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 14:28

There are all sorts of reasons why people don't want to be on a list like that.

Dh is a teacher for example and whilst he was working in certain schools we were ex directory as he didn't want our number to be availble to pupils or their parents. Not so relevant now we live away from most of his schools.

Someone I used to know her husband was a pshychiatric doctor and she had a very unusual surname. It was VERY important for their number not to be available anywhere.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/11/2009 15:01

i was the one who said it was sad that the op dd didnt have (dare i call them ) play dates with school friends - or that out of 90 people in year(wow thats big) you couldnt ask/know of a parent to help

not that you are sad for not knowing them iyswim

we have a class list with names/numbers on and it has been a godsend at times - esp if get stick in traffic/ill child etc

anyway hopefully ds will be better today/tonight and you can take dd to school tomorrow

btw online shopping is fab and argos do some good cheap buggys

Pikelit · 26/11/2009 15:06

You seem to have got rather a lot on your plate, kaylasmum and this incident sounds as if it topped things off. I get the impression that you are rather lonely and reliant on a partner who'd rather not be relied upon. You suggest that there have been issues about your dd's attendance at school before and I wonder if you are worrying about a great deal more than your dp's unhelpful reaction to your request to take time out of work. You also mention that you are having cbt and is this helping or merely making you feel ever less able to cope with things?

diddl · 26/11/2009 15:09

OP,let us know how everyone is tomorrow!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/11/2009 11:51

how is everyone today?

Original poster

kaylasmum · 27/11/2009 14:41

hi thanks for asking, ds feeling a good bit better but had to phone nhs 24 last night as he had been crying a lot while i was at work and dp was concerned. DD was feeling quite hot this morning so thought i'd keep her at home to be on the safe side.

My dp apologised to me for swearing at me and admitted that he had been unreasonable.

Really want to amke it clear that i'm not a needy person in any way at all and certainly don't rely on dp to do things for me. I would only ask him to do something for me if i was totally stuck. I raised my first 2 children on their own for a few years and had no-one to help out at all. I cinsider myself to be a very strong and self sufficient woman and try to instill the same into my children. I was just feeling very vulnerable yestarday.

OP posts:

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