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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my dp to leave work to take dd to school

101 replies

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 10:46

My ds has been sick since Tuesday morning, i think he may have picked up a bug from dd who had diahoreah since Friday. He was sick several times on Tuesday and seemed to pick up a little but then all yesterday he was very lethargic and cpmplaining quite often about a sore stomach. My dd is 6yo and has been off school because of her stomach upset and the school said she could'nt go back until she had been diahoreah free for 24 hours. Anyway her last bout of diahoreah was Tuesday evening so i was all set to get her back to school this morning. I had a really bad night with ds as he was waking every half hour or so crying in pain. I got up this morning and started getting ready to get dd to school when ds was sick and had diahoreah, he did'nt want to get out of bed and is really tired. So, i phoned my dp at work, he works 15 minutes away, and asked him if he could possibly come and pick dd up and take he to school as i really did'nt want to take ds out.

He said he would speak to his manager so i carried on getting dd ready for school, getting packed lunch ready etc and he phone up and said would it not be ok just to keep dd home from school as he could'nt "be bothered" to come and pick her up. He had'nt even asked his manager, he had spoken to his workmate and he said that if one of his kids was ill he would just keep them both off.

Anyway i told him that i really wanted to get her back to school as she has already missed too much, he said it does'nt really matter as she is only in primary 2. This ended up with him saying to me "why could'nt you have fucking asked me this before i went to work". Well as i can't see into the future i had no idea that my ds was going to take a turn for the worse 15 minutes after dp left for work. I have a phobia of vomiting which i've recieved cbt for and i have been coping with this fairly well but it really freaks me out, and i also have health anxiety and tend to imagine the worst when my kids are ill so this has been very difficult for me and i just wanted a little support from my dp.

so AIBU.

OP posts:

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:07

Sassybeast

Just chatting on a thread-OK?

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:10

juuule - no my other children could'nt have helped, they are all grown up and working. And the buggy broke on monday and as my ds was sick on tuesday morning and i have'nt had a chance to get out i have'nt been able to replace it. I would have most likely have gotten the bus given the fact that my ds was unwell through the night. We usually walk but under the circumstances would have taken the bus. I don't know why i'm having to explain myself.

OP posts:

Sassybeast · 26/11/2009 13:14

Diddl - the dogged persistance makes it look as if you are determined to prove how unreasonable the OP has been. I'm sure that if walking to school for her DD had been an option she would have worked it out herself....

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:15

choosyfloosy - if we had both been ill i would'nt have expected to get my dd to school, i'm more concerned with dp's reaction to my asking than to him not doing it. He knows that i hate him swearing at me but he purposely does it to wind me up and upset me. He's told me this.

As for getting some back up plan in place for the futute, i really don't know how to go about that, i don't find it easy asking for help.

OP posts:

juuule · 26/11/2009 13:15

Could your dh or one of your other children have sorted out a new buggy on Tue or Wed evening? Or sat with the children while you sorted it out.

I'm not having a go. Just thinking what we might have done in similar circumstances and trying to make suggestions that might help you in future.

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:18

Well, Sassybeast, to answer a bit more, I suppose I find it sad that no one can help get a 6yr old to a school that is only short walk away.

I am abroad so no relatives but could call on mums to help-even those who are not especially friendly with my children-they would be happy to help for the sake of getting a child to/from school.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:19

juuule - my 25 yo dd has a child herself and would'nt want to take the risk of her ds picking up the bug. my 23 yo ds was working late shifts at the hospital and my 18 dd lives miles away so would'nt be able to help. Where would i be able to get a new buggy in the evening anyway?

OP posts:

juuule · 26/11/2009 13:19

Perhaps contact the school and see what they could suggest for if you find yourself in a similar position in the future?

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:22

diddl - you are very fortunate to have people to help out in a situation like this unfotunately for me i'm not in that situation, and i would prefer to ask mp dp to help me out considering he is their father.

OP posts:

juuule · 26/11/2009 13:22

Sorry, I suppose I assumed that you lived near shops where you could get a buggy from . Argos or somewhere like that. I think our Tesco sells them too. Or you could order online for next day delivery?

stickylittlefingers · 26/11/2009 13:25

it's funny, I remember a thread a while back with a similarish situation - and there were loads of people for making the poor woman take her young sick children out in the cold. I thought that was unreasonable - sometimes children are sick, and so long as it's not the day of their A-level exam or something, missing a day will not hurt.

In this case OP has tried asking her dp, he's not helped. It sounds like he's BU, tho obviously we don't know the backstory on that one. But she's tried to get her dd to school and in this case it's OP wanting to get her dd to school. I don't see why she's getting such a hard time! Lay off the poor woman!

OP - this thread is likely to wind you up even further. Please, you've done what you can, don't stress about it. Hope the rest of your day is better. Do some reading or numberwork with your dd if your ds gives you time, and the 1-1 will probably be just a valuable as a whole day at school.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:25

argos is'nt open in the evening and i think tesco have a very limited choice of buggies.

OP posts:

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:26

Sassybeast- I´m not trying to prove anything.

I think OP´s husband was very rude to her-unnecessarily so.

A simple yes or no would have done.

Often husbands can´t help once they have left for work.

Also, when you see it is a 15min walk, that seems doable without bothering husband-until you discover the buggy is broken!

So even if the youngest one hadn´t had a relapse it still might have been a struggle with a recovering 2yr old & no buggy.

Here children start school at 6yrs & it is usual for them to walk from day one,or bike with an adult.

Sometimes it´s hard to see why it seems so difficult for 6yr olds to walk in UK.

OP I´m not trying to start an argument with that-I realise that things are done differently!

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:28

Its easy to say call on other mums for help if you are in the situation where this is normal for you.

Dd is in year 3 and it is only in the last 6 mnths that I have even had any one numbers of other mums at school. I now have the numbers of two other mums given to me because of non school reasons, both of whom have two children each and neither of whom live anywhere near to me. In the street where I live there are only 2 other children of primary age and they go to two different schools.

I don;t even know where hapf of the dc's schoolfriends live never mind their phone numbers.

You have to put yourself in the OP's position, it is not "sad" to not know people from school, some people just don't.

diddl · 26/11/2009 13:29

Kaylasmum
The point is that the mums in question aren´t necessarily my friends, but it´s just accepted that mums with children in the same class/school will help each other if possible.

WhatDidISayRoy · 26/11/2009 13:29

just tried scanning the thread, did your dd get to school as i cannot find it?

I would have kept both at home for rest of the week.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:30

thanks stickylittlefingers - I am quite a shy person and don't really make friends too easily so that is why i don't have an abundance of people to phone in emergencies. My dd is painting just now and will do some reading with her in a while.

I hoped for a little support but feel that i've been attacked. I am a little over-sensitive and as i said i suffer from anxiety and this whole thing has stressed me so much.

OP posts:

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:31

Diddl, here you would probably be reported to social services for sending a 6 year old alone to school unless (as was the case with one mumsnet poster) you live next door to the school!

bigchris · 26/11/2009 13:31

sorry you've had such a hard time on this thread
yes it was unreasonable of him to swear at you
poor ds, hope he feels better soon, is he sleeping now? what has dd been doing? maybe read with her so she isnt missing out on her reading

juuule · 26/11/2009 13:32

I suppose that's where we differ then, Kaylasmum. As I would have just got the cheapest okay buggy from Tesco to tide me over if I was in a fix. And it would have to do until I found myself in a position to upgrade. If it was essential then I wouldn't have been too picky.

But I suppose that gets away from the op. I suppose if there really was no alternative then your dh was BU by not helping out. But I can understand his frustration somewhat if you tend to call on him frequently (not saying you do, saying if) in which case it would probably help you all if you both thought ahead a bit. Obviously there are occasions when something unexpected happens and it's nice to be able to trust your partner to be there when needed.

Doesn't excuse him swearing at you, though.

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:34

Would you really take a vomiting 2 year old out in a buggy though anyway.

I wouldn't.

Original poster

kaylasmum · 26/11/2009 13:34

i live in a town in scotland called perth and as far as i know no 6 yo's walk to school. In fact i see much older kids being walked or driven to school by their parents. Maybe you just have to understand that things are done differently in different places.

OP posts:

islandofsodor · 26/11/2009 13:35

And in this awful' wind and rain too. I wouldn't even take my sick ds out in the car to get dd to school last week.

juuule · 26/11/2009 13:36

I possibly would for a 15m walk.
Well wrapped and snuggled into the buggy with the raincover over them.

Sassybeast · 26/11/2009 13:37

Kaylasmum - you've done absolutely nothing wrong. The problem with forums is that people can seem very abrasive (I know I'm guilty of this) You are not strange, you are not needy, you asked your partner a perfectly reasonable question and his response was unfair, given his circumstances. If his boss had been breathing down his neck, yes it would have been unreasonable to expect him to come home. If I was you, I'd hide this thread, see if you can make DP understand why you are upset about what he said and then move on.

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