to consider leaving 5m DD in hotel room witgh monitor while we go to DH's work Xmas meal in the hotel?

[sassyhopper32]

As the thread title says, my DH's work is having a Xmas meal in a couple of weeks at a nearby hotel. The only way that we could both go would be to book room overnight and have DD in the room and take monitor. I am going to find out from the hotel exactly where the meal will be so that we can specify room as close by as possible and we would also check on her periodically as well as using the monitor. They don't have a baby listening service or babysitters etc.

We don't have any family nearby who could babysit and the only people we know locally will all be at the same function. We haven't been out together without DD since her birth and I haven't been out at night at all. Is it totally a no-no to even consider this? DH has no reservations, but I think it's maybe different for blokes.....and one of his friends and wife have also said that they're doing same thing, which doesn't make it wrong or right IMO.

I wouldn't. It's not worth it.

where are you op?

I'll babysit

don't leave your baby alone, pay for a babysitter or your dh goes alone

thats life with kids

Rockbird I don't think you should spend your entire life as a parent worrying about "what ifs" and tiny, tiny risks, thus spoiling your own quality of life as a person, not just a parent

I think this leads to having a sense of your children "belonging" to you and "owing" you in later life eg "when I think of what I gave up for you" etc.

I think a bit of balance is required.

Can't you start up a babysitting circle with other parenst you k now with babies?

OP has to go with what feels right to her. No one should be flamed for considered parenting choices. CP - yes the risks are low but not ones I'd feel comfortable with. People are only telling her what they would/wouldn't do - not telling her what to do.

Well just scrolled down and realised I missed some posts.......most posters are not telling OP what to do.

sassybeast - are you talking to breadandjam across two threads?

Thanks ssd! I'm in Rugby, any good for you??!

But is 5m too young to even leave with registered babysitter? I am so confused now.....doubt I could do that either....wish parents were local. My in-laws would do it in a flash, but they're in Dublin.....

We did do something like this once. DS was older (coming up for 2 years old) and it was a very small country inn for a family dinner. DS was in the room above us and we had two monitors with us. We had the normal monitor and, inc se that did not work we bought an additional one which works via your mobile phone over much greater differences (we were worried that the ceilings might be quite thick). AS it was, the normal monitor worked perfectly (and actually, when DS cried, we could hear him without the monitor at all!). I checked him regularly, there was no-one else staying in that part of the inn and he was fine.

All that said, we had NOT wanted to go but got emotionally blackmailed by our family as we were the only ones kicking up a fuss. This almost caused a huge family rift. I could not and did not relax and yes, I had the monior in front of me.

For a noisy party, at that age, with a whole bunch of (drunk) people - not a chance in hell. That may make me a hypocrite but I still seethe about the family 'do' thing.

We have missed countless events/parties/weddings. I am resigned to not going out until he is 18 (only half joking so no smiley!)

Fab - I don't think so - there are a lorra Sassys around at the minute

If we're talking about babysitters, no-one could argue that that is exactly risk free as far as your child is concerned - CRB checks or not. For example: here

And I definitely wouldn't accept offers of
babysitting from random strangers on the internet (no offence, ssd).

Rockbird - actually, I wouldn't dream of leaving a child in a locked car in a public place - I think that's a very much riskier proposition - I've had three locked cars stolen from outside my house, and the baby is visible to anyone passing by. Quite different from being tucked up in a snuggly bed in a locked room.

"Leaving a baby alone is something you don't have to do ever, so it is taking an unnecessary risk.

And who are all these people leaving babies alone while they eat/drink?"

Fab - the OP is not proposing to leave her baby alone and nor were the rest of us - leaving a child in a locked hotel room while you are close by with a monitor and get to them within 5 minutes if they start crying is really not that different from being downstairs at home.

It is about individual perception of risk, and it looks like the OP actually feels quite comfortable missing the party and not taking the (tiny) risk, but it doesn't mean she was unreasonable to consider it. Plenty of us it seems are happy to leave our DCs in places we feel they are safe and happy and with us nearby and checking them. You make it sound outrageous to consider eating and drinking rather than hovering over LO 24/7 - actually it's not a crime (well my scales tell me it is but you know what I mean).

I realise you've already have lots of opinions but I am adding mine and coming down firmly on the side of no.

I think the likelihood of your child choking, being abducted etc in a hotel are very, very small and probably only marginally higher than the same thing happening at home. However, there are other factors which are not within your control in a hotel and which you do not necessarily have to deal with at home. What happens if there is a fire alarm? What happens if some drunken party making their way past your room falls against the door and wakes your child who then spends ages crying because you can't hear them?

It is not the same thing as leaving your child on their own in their room at home. Someone said they would be only 30 seconds away in a hotel and it is about the same length of time at home to get to their child - unless you have a very large house, I don't think it would take any parent 30 seconds to get to their screaming or vomiting child in their own home.

It is unlikely that your room will be anywhere close to the function room. Hotels are purposely built so that the function rooms (where all the noise is generated) are as far away as possible from the bedrooms. I have attended functions where the reception rooms were not even in the building as the hotel. You also won't know until you get there if the baby monitor will work from your room.

I also can't understand why, if you want a night out with your husband, (perfectly understandable) that his work Christmas party would be top of the list. Many partners run a mile to avoid these dos! If you want a night out, investigate a local babysitter and have a nice meal out somewhere local.

Its not a crime but why not get a babysitter ?

Sassy, I wouldn't have done it, I just couldn't have relaxed.
I do know people who have and who have had lots of fun and no harm done. It's just something I personally wouldn't feel right doing.
You do what you feel most comfortable with.

Have you any Mommy friends who you could leave her with and you could repay them another time by watching their DC?

My friend lives in London miles away from family and her NCT group have always done this.

sassy - so where is the stuff about not choking coming from.

WIOAIG - I completely disagree with you.

Fair enough Citizen, I totally agree with that although not everyone is going to hit their child with the guilt stick just because they were a careful parent. But if you have a 5mo then I think you owe it to that child to put them first, even if you loosen up a bit later. 5 months in I don't think balance should be a consideration yet.

Everyone spends their time constantly weighing up 'risks' subconsciously, be they big or little, unimportant or not. Should DD be climbing on that chair? If I go to Tesco now will I be able to park anywhere near the house when I get back? If I eat this toast will I be too full for tea? It's part of life, not just parenting. Most of the time you don't know you're doing it.

For the sake of getting a babysitter, why put yourself through it?

Your prerogative Fab but note - I am not telling you your choice is wrong, but just saying I am comfortable with my choice. Whereas you are telling me my choice is completely wrong.

Fab - BreadandJam 16.24 C&P -

I think people are being a little alarmist with the worry of a baby choking to death/vomiting and choking whilst sleeping. Really, have any of you ever known this to happen?

its jsut ireesponible
you need to think "if somethign happened hwo would this look"
a la madeleine mccan

and youd look shit

Two words: Madeleine mccann.

I defo would not do it.

Actually, while I'm at it, I seem to have entered into a two woman (I assume!) discussion with you Citizen and I don't know why or how I got into this I'm knackered and feeling stroppy and argumentative; it's not personal, honest . Sorry. I'm going for a bath...

I saw that, sassy, but still not sure how you came to the conclusion about breadandjam being an expert nor did I see the bit about your child ending up in hospital.

WIOAIG - where did I say you were wrong? I don't think leaving a child in a hotel is the same as leaving them on their bedrooms at home. How can it be?

YABU. I wouldn't do it. I'd get a babysitter.

And how do you expect to hear a monitor in a busy restaurant?

Fab - getting a bit tedious now - it would be better if you could follow the thread yourself.

Breadandjam suggested that children don't vomit and choke - see the C&P previously. I am painfully aware that children CAN vomit and choke - hence my response that mine might have died if we hadn't heard her. Breadandjam objected to being proved wrong (IMO) and went on to post this : (at 16.33)

'But if it is that your child vomitted whilst sleeping, then I really don't think she would die. There is some kind of reflex which stops us inhaling vomit whilst sleeping, the only time this doesn't work is when extremely drunk - hence you occasionally hear of people dying in this way.'

My problem is that she presented this as absolute fact 'The only time this doesn't work etc' - in the way an expert would make a statement of fact.

When it is very clearly NOT fact.

Comprendez ?

And OP - sorry to derail your thread. i know the risk is tiny, but for me personally, not worth taking.