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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is this really Not On

71 replies

chibi · 22/11/2009 10:40

We are a group of friends who met via the NCt when we were pregnant with our first babies a few years ago.

We have kept in touch, and meet up for coffee weekly, and have girly nights out once in a while, nothing fancy, dinner or a movie and once a pub quiz. These are maybe twice or 3 times a year.

We all have second children, and here is where the problem is. One of us has just had a second baby about a month ago (well, her partner did). We are planning a night out in the next few weeks before Christmas, going out for a nice meal.

We are emailing round to work out what date is best for everyone, and this person has said that their partner will come too, but as it's far to early to get a sitter for the newborn, they will be coming too!

Apparently they will just be popped under the table while we are there.

AIBU to think NO FLAMING WAY!!!!

I have no problems with babies in restaurants, I have done it too - but in the day. How can we have a good night, have a drink, let our hair down/whatever with a baby under tha table?

Also what kind of restaurant will be happy with having a baby there in the evening? I do not want to go to a Harvester or likewise.

Don't get me wrong, this would be fine during the day with the kids, but NOT fine for a fun night out with the girls. As we go out together in the evenings so rarely I want something worth making the effort for.

I think I am also ticked off at the breezy way it was announced, as though no one could possibly take issue with an 8 week old coming out with us.

Also, any advice on how to deal with this? This really makes me not want to go, which is cutting off my own nose to spite my face, cos I hardly go out as it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
chibi · 22/11/2009 10:41

good grief excuse my typos that's what righteous indignation does for a person I guess

OP posts:
hf128219 · 22/11/2009 10:43

YABU. My dd went to loads of restaurants at that age. Sound alseep in many a top joint.

MaggieBelle · 22/11/2009 10:45

well, seeing as it's a bunch of people who are all parents and whom you met through and only because of parenthood, I think she thinks you'll understand.

minxofmancunia · 22/11/2009 10:46

yabu, ime 8 weeks olds (I have one myself) can sleep through an earthquake, i'd agree with you if it were a toddler but 8 week olds and verstaile and portable imo. Won't impinge on your night at all, how an earth could a sleeping baby do that???

It's not like he/she will be scarred for life by your drunken antics at 8 weeks .

Most (good) restaurants round here would not object to having a baby asleep in car seat/pram at any time but they would understandably object to a toddler.

gingernutlover · 22/11/2009 10:47

YABU to be honest, assuming the mother will take the baby out if they should wake up and start screaming etc I dont see why this should affect your evening out whatsoever. Its not your baby so you dont have to do anything different. And if the restaurant you choose doesnt want the baby there, then again, not your problem.

If i was them i would be getting a babysitter, but purely so i could fully enjoy the evening. But i am lucky in that i ahve family nearby who would sit, maybe they dont.

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 22/11/2009 10:49

YANBU - If you wanted to meet with children you would meet up during the day with the children.

Is it a partner thing? You don't mention anyone elses partners coming so why this one?

Original poster
chibi · 22/11/2009 10:49

My dd and ds have also been out to restaurants from an early age, just not in the evenings

I just feel it will limit where we can go, and just in general put a dampemer on the evening.

Am I crazy/BU for wanting a child-free night out?

We all have second babies, and this is the forst time this has ever been suggested.

OP posts:
busybutterfly · 22/11/2009 10:50

See now, I think you are YANBU at all - a baby? On a girl's night out?

monkeyfeathers · 22/11/2009 10:50

Just put yourself in her place. What would you do if you had a newborn and couldn't leave him/her. She may well be exclusively breastfeeding and unable to leave the baby for very long at all. Maybe she thinks that her NCT having-babies friends would understand. It's hard enough, and isolating enough, having a newborn without people excluding you from events like this.

Also I don't see why having a baby means you can't eat somewhere decent.ABUTABU.

OrmIrian · 22/11/2009 10:51

I think it will be fine. Tiny babies are much less trouble and obtrusive than at any other age.

Depends on whether having the baby there will be worse than not having that particular friend there.

Original poster
chibi · 22/11/2009 10:51

This parner is the one who has had the baby -they are both women. She has never come to one of our nights out previously.

She is totally welcome to come, but I wish they would get a babysitter. They have family locally.

Jeez maybe I'll bring my 5 month old too, it will save me having to express just in case.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 22/11/2009 10:52

8 weeks = sleep like a, well, baby

would you rather didn't attend?

yabu

thedollshouse · 22/11/2009 10:52

YANBU. My pet hate to see young babies in restaurants in the evening. Our friends were miffed when we refused to bring ds to a joint hen/stag part. "Can't you just plonk him under the table in his car seat?" they asked.

gingernutlover · 22/11/2009 10:53

right chibi

has the restaurant been chosen? If not, choose the one you and the others want to go to and if it really isnt baby friendly they will realsie and not come!

If they insist on bringing the baby then so be it, but state where you are going and let them decide.

Yes, its a bit rude maybe to just assume the baby can come but do you want to fall out with them over this?

2shoes · 22/11/2009 10:53

yabu
we are having a mn meet up soon, there will be a little baby there, so what, we can un have a hold and still have a good time.

Original poster
chibi · 22/11/2009 10:54

I am breastfeeding monkeyfeathers, and did with my first as well. If I really wanted a night out, I expressed or didn't go, I did not take my baby out to bars, pubs or restaurants in the evening.

I guess I am being unreasonable to not want my kids or anyone elses around when I go out of an evening.

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 22/11/2009 10:55

how will the baby being there affect you personally chibi?

dorisbonkers · 22/11/2009 10:57

I used to take my baby out to drinks in Singapore in many a swanky place and no one gave a monkeys. Just a shame that newborn 'sleep through everything and don't need routine' phase is over.

Oh, and I breastfed her in bars no problem, just didn't drink loads.

NanBullen · 22/11/2009 10:57

why is the partner coming? are your partners coming too? I know her partner is female and its a girls night out but it sounds as though it's just for the group of friends and not partners. YANBU.

FabHasHadHerSurprise · 22/11/2009 11:00

YA so BU.

I think you have a problem with the partner coming more than the baby but can't say that. Are you against gay relationships?

No one is forcing you to go. It is your choice to act like this.

smallorange · 22/11/2009 11:00

We all have three dc now and for a while there wS always a small baby in a sling or car seat if we went out in the evening - never caused any problems...

What are you planning? Is it a fetish night or something? If so YANBU

BertieBotts · 22/11/2009 11:02

I think YABU - I don't see how having the baby there will impact on your night out, as long as it's asleep - and if not, I very much doubt they'd be expecting you all to take turns settling him/her! I can see the point that you are friends with/because of the children so it is nice to have a childfree night out but a newborn is different IMO.

Original poster
chibi · 22/11/2009 11:02

It won't, and I guess it is being unreasonable, but to me a night out is a time away from my responsablities as a parent, a time for me to be just me, not someone's mum. A time to dress up, go somewhere adult.

Having a baby at a night out seems completely antithetical to the spirit of a night out. Even though I personlly will not have to do anything.

Possibly this is because I don't go out frequently, it is probably more of a big deal than it is for someone who goes out every week or whatever.

I think I would feel differently if it were 'one of us' but this is one of the dps - she has never come to any of the other nights out, or met up for coffee. I don't feel that this excludes one of my friends, but one of my friend's partners, and I don't personally feel like 'ooh we can't have a night out without x's partner'.

Having read the opinions here I will just have to suck it up I guess.

OP posts:
Cheappinkfizz · 22/11/2009 11:03

Yanbu it may sleep through the meal but it will still be there. There will general fuss and inconvience when the arrive and it's a rare night without kids.

I'm with you on this.

Original poster
chibi · 22/11/2009 11:03

Jesus I am not against gay relationships this is the same as me saying my dh has to come out too so we will natch be bringing the kids, hope that's ok with everytone.

OP posts:
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