to think childminder was in the wrong?

[meanchildminder]

A family friend just told me that they saw my ds being shouted at by his [new] childminder last week.
Apparently he forgot his school file and she sent him back into school for it and said to wait at the school gate.
He went back to school but instead of waiting at the gate walked further up the school lane to the pavement of the main road[only 100 yards or so].
She had crossed the main road to put the others in the car in a car park and when she saw him on the pavement shouted he had been told to wait at the gate.

It's not the shouting it's the leaving him on the other side of the main road that is the problem.The techers were not there.
He has just turned 8 in yr 3 and has glue ear,can be quite day dreamy and tends to not listen sometimes when he is tired.

I would expect an 8 year old to follow the instructions and obey the adult in charge, and I would have shouted at him if he hadn't. He's 8 years old, not 4, and he really should be big enough, barring any learning disability, to be safe near a road.

His deafness is only an issue in that he didn't hear the CM properly, in which case he needs to be asking people to repeat themselves and you need to make sure everyone understands how bad his hearing is. It doesn't affect his judgement and an 8 year olds judgement should be good enough to stand in one place and not wander off.

Torn on this.

On the one hand, I certainly think an 8yo should be able to make his own way home from school, use traffic lights, run errands to the shops etc etc- let alone stand still on the other side of a road from the adult in charge. 8yos are not babies.

Otoh she is a childminder and therefore needs to be far more careful than an ordinary adult collecting their own child.

The CM doesn't know the child well enough to know whether he's safe near a road, to shout at him or not to ensure he's heard her instructions.

You never actually answered my question. Does the childminder know about his hearing because at the moment she is in charge of a hearing impaired child. If this has not bee made fully clear to her and the implications of him not hearing instructions, then you are at fault as well.

This is turning into handbags at dawn lol and going round and round with the same comments.

If I wanted him to come home from school on his own I would have arranged that.

I don't.

I have been picking dcs up for many years[14] and no one bar one poor boy whose mum is a drug addict and is known to SS allows their child in yr 3 to go home on their own.

MN seems to love the mollycoddling mum attacking threads yet it's totally daft.

I used to childmind, at one point had a four month old and a fourteen year old and different ages in between. Our local primary school is next to a busy road too. I would never have left the school premises, crossed a busy road and gone into a car park without a mindee. Never. Regardless of age, how long I had minded them, ability level, weather conditions, timings, etc. Never. Very unprofessional and just not worth the risk. I would simply mention to the childminder that you know it is frustrating if DS forgets something, but could she please wait for him in the plaground in future.

The shouting may have been that she panicked at her own bad judgement leading up to the situation if as you say, dcs generally like her.

Thankyou aboard I expect her to look after him not leave him behind.

Some of the comments on here just sound like competitive mums saying how marvellous their children are.

I think if you had posted this in the childminders section you would have found lots of horrified childminders posting.

AIBU is a bit unsettling sometimes isn't it!

Yes and I posted a rather rubbish OP based on what someone told me and then had to adjust it from what ds told me.
Then I wondered if ds has got some sort of problem.

Now I think I'm losing my mind.

His deafness is only an issue in that he didn't hear the CM properly, in which case he needs to be asking people to repeat themselves and you need to make sure everyone understands how bad his hearing is."

Colditz, do you have any experience with deaf children? If they have varying hearing from an early age, as for example with glue ear, it can cause a lot of problems with them not 'learning to listen'. This isn't them being difficult, it is simply something that you learn to do at a very early age and their learning of it has been impaired. They aren't always aware of how well they hear as it can vary from day to day.

Meanchildminer, your CM needs to be very aware of this - we have been given a list of strategies to give to people who have contact with DS1, which has been very useful.

Tinuviel
~it varies with ds he just happened to develop a cold and blocked ears last week which he hadn't had for a while.

He has no difficulty in the classroom although I find him a bit daydreamy sometimes.

It doesn't sound as if the c/m made herself very clear as he said she rushed off before he could check where they were meeting.

Even without his blocked ears I don't want him to be left behind ~ increasing his independence is more of a parent's job really as we know the child better and can do it gradually.

He is only just 8 but he changes in the boys' changing room at swimming alone and goes to his friends down the road and can pop into the shop locally etc so heis not unable to do things alone, in fact he is quite sensible and mature.

And although my friend said he felt sorry for him being shouted at ds said she didn't really tell him off and he was fine about it ~ it was more the leaving him behind I am dismayed about.

I would feel like you meanchildminder

I was a nanny for years and would never have left a charge on the wrong side of a busy main rd, you just wouldn't take the risk esp if it was a new charge and you didn't really know how sensible they were. I'd be unhappy about it.

Thankyou tired
I think I will phone her to ask whether she leaves the children regularly while putting the younger ones in the car first of all.
Then I will say I would prefer ds to stay with her all the time.

There is actually no need for her to park where she does ~you can park either on the road on the same side as school which would be safer,or in the school car park itself so that you can put little dcs in the car but still see them as you wait for the others.

ok I spoke to her today and asked her if ds forgot his file last week.
She said"Yes ds forgot his file and was "panicking like mad " so I told him to quickly get it and wait at the gate I'll be back in a minute.But he walked up the edge of the pavement".. and she shouted at him worried he would step onto the road.

And the other dcs are usually "good" and stay put.

So I explained about his ears being blocked up last week,him being a bit daydreamy and so best to keep him with her.

Happy with that altho doubt ds was "panicking like mad" and a bit worried ds didn't follow what she said~he said he didn't catch it all but it may be that he forgot the end when he came out.

So a bit worried about ds being forgetful/not concentrating after the responses on here and her comments but as far as I know he does well at school but maybe I should check with his teacher he listens and follows things through properly.

I am sure its not DS just being forgetful (please don't worry more than you are already). Thats why I kept banging on about his hearing. What DH does (and remember DH is over 40 NOT 8!!), when he doesn't concentrate he will only hear part of what I say. He will then assume what the rest might be, sort of piece it all together in him mind.... job done or so he thinks! I am sure this is whats happening with your DS. A good tip is to ensure the CM has good eye contact with your DS when she is giving him an instruction, then DS can see her mouth is still moving so hopefully will concentrate on the words. If its a very important instruction would not hurt her to get him to confirm back key points to her. Sounds a bit over the top but whilst his ears are bad you might be horribly surprised how much he is missing.

Just had a chat with my other friend who has ds 2 nights and she was a bit about what had happened and has offered to have him the extra night and says he is lovely lol.
She said she wouldn't leave her dd there and she is nearly 9 in the year above at school and very grown up and sensible.
Have been at home with ds today as he is poorly and been focusing on making sure he listens and then follows what he has been told and he has been really good.

Mean- do you have other options? Doesn't sound like you are truely comfortable with childminder. Go with your (and friend's) instincts and bin her/him if poss. 8 yr olds need childminders with patience. They are PAID to be patient and get to finish being a psuedo parent at clocking off time so have to be better when on duty than even a parent IMO!

Also want to day that although I don't know the full extent of hearing/dreamy issues, your lovely DS deserves whatever attention from childminder that it takes to keep him safe and happy regardless of what a tricky problem he presents to her. Don't make excuses for childminder.

Sorry 'day'= 'say'