to think childminder was in the wrong?

[meanchildminder]

A family friend just told me that they saw my ds being shouted at by his [new] childminder last week.
Apparently he forgot his school file and she sent him back into school for it and said to wait at the school gate.
He went back to school but instead of waiting at the gate walked further up the school lane to the pavement of the main road[only 100 yards or so].
She had crossed the main road to put the others in the car in a car park and when she saw him on the pavement shouted he had been told to wait at the gate.

It's not the shouting it's the leaving him on the other side of the main road that is the problem.The techers were not there.
He has just turned 8 in yr 3 and has glue ear,can be quite day dreamy and tends to not listen sometimes when he is tired.

ds says he told her he had forgotten his file and she said to go back into school andwait "here" which was at the corner of the main road.
He did this and she had crossed theroad when he got back but he didn't cross as he knew it was a busy road and anyway he had been told to wait.
He thinks she shouted across the road but did not hear her.

So I'm going to have a chat with her and ask her to wait for him if it happens again and not to leave him on the other side of the road again.

A child in our school was killed 3 yrs ago when his mum crossed the road[not this one one nearby] and left him on the other side and he crossed.He was 7.

I dont see anything wrong with what your childminder did.
At 8 a child should be able to follow simple instructions.

I don't understand this ~are you saying just 8,yr 3 is ok to leave on the other side of a chaotic main road next to the junction of another road when it may not be clear she is going to have crossed that road?

He can follow simple instructions [and if he couldn't it would have been normal at the end of a busy day,with a cold and blocked ears and a new c/m]but he thought she was going to be at the corner and she wasn't,so they weren't really "simple" and anyway there is no"ought" about it ~ the situation itself was confusing and that in itself means he could possibly have crossed.

What is it with MN that thinks children should be able to do certain things as if they should all be doing those things ~the point is she shouldn't have taken that chance and noone in real life here would do it.

So you are saying it is ok to leave him there unsure of what is happening next ...so if I don't say anything to her it could happen again?

Maybe I should have made clear that the c/m is exiting the school from the main exit not usually used by parents and on the main road ~we don't use that exit .

So,according to ds today he did follow her instructions but I don't feel happy that she left him at the main road junction and her crossing the main road without telling him what would happen next.

I think I should have posted this in a different section because this is daft she obviously made a mistake.

tech the cm shouldnt have left the young children alone in the car and waited for your son and then cross with ALL the children

but the cm did instruct your dc who is 8 to wait by the gate and she was coming back for him

my 4yr can listen and obey instructions and if i stay/dont move he will listen ESP by a road

i rather take offence about someone not being able to cross a road with young children, some as young as 3

i manage to cross a road with a baby,two 3/4yrs and 2 6yrs so 5children under 7

the cm told your dc to wait by the gate and he didnt - i would also shout at my dc if they didnt listen to me by a road

She told him to wait on the corner apparently and he did.

So he did follow her instructions.

So he did what she said but thankfully he is quite sensible and mature for his age I think several others in his class would have been upset.

The childminder left the school grounds without all the children for whom she was caring. She made the mistake... it's certainly not something I would have done and I don't feel the majority of childcares would have done it either.

Well you have two conflicting accounts - one from your friend and one from your ds. I'd ask the childminder what happened to get her side.

So now you saying he told her to wait on the corner? Your friend told you the CM told your son to wait at the gate and now your son has told you she told him to wait at the corner?

Which one was it? Maybe you should just talk to her and see exactly what happened instead of stressing yourself out!

Does she appreciate your son's hearing problems fully? If he is hard of hearing she would need to give him the instruction and perhaps ask him to repeat back where he is going and where he is to wait. It all very well you making excuses as to why he may not have paid attention, but if his problem is really that bad then the person in charge of him needs to be fully aware. DH is hearing impaired and although he hates me doing it sometimes when I need to make completely sure he has heard everything I have said I get him just to confirm back key points.

Ok well it has been confusing but I have spoken to ds after the response on here to see exactly what the truth is.

He says they got to the place where she picks up the dcs and he said about his file~she said go back in for it quickly and he does not know whether she said wait here or at the corner because he didn't catch what she said and then she was gone in a rush.
So he went in and got it and when he came out she wasn't yet there so he went a few yards further up the lane towards the corner to wait.He knew she was putting the dcs in the car but couldn't see her then she called over but he couldn't hear what she said over the traffic but thinks it included wait there.
He would not have crossed the road anyway as he knows he is not allowed.

This slightly differs from my friend who didn't hear the first instructions but assumed he had been told to wait at original spot at gate as he later had heard c/m calling over the road wait I told you to wait at the gate.

The distance from gate to road is only a few yards anyway.

I am happy with ds response and told him to ask if he doesn't hear but he said there wasn't time she had gone and thought the reason she hadn't got back before him was because he was very quick to get the file so he just walked a few yards to see,on the pavement as he hadn't heard where to wait for her.

So only issue is the basic fact she went across the road which I don't think was right.

I will speak to her but wanted to get it straight first.

Also they are just gate posts just a few yards behind the road so not as if he was behind a gate or anything.

Have had a chat with a friend who has the same c/m[dcs usually quite like this c/m but adults find her off putting] and decided to just say that ds was a bit worried by being on the other side of the road so could she stay with him.

I think there are two issues here tbh.

The issue wrt your ds seems to be that you're not happy that he was on the other side of the road from the childminder. I can sort of see this but having said that, at eight he should be able to be trusted to follow the instructions and not cross a busy road. My ds is seven and there's no way he would cross a busy road on his own.

The biggest issue for me is that she left other children in the car, and then crossed back over a busy road to get your ds. So she surely can't have been in full sight of the car, and thus the children, at all times.

This would leave me wondering where else she leaves children, and what other risks she's prepared to take.

It is IMO unacceptable to leave small children that are not your own in a car across a busy road, and tbh I would be looking for another cm.

I'm not really happy about it but at the same time I know he wouldn't cross the road ~ as I said he is mature and sensible,I just don't think it is her right to do that sort of thing.
One of the children in the car was yr 6.
I'm not just talking about leaving my ds or shouting at him,just the whole episode isn't very satisfactory.

And you may know your ds won't cross a busy road[AS DO I] but that doesn't mean you'd appreciate someone leaving him on the other side of a busy road I presume?

Especially if it wasn't quite clear what was supposed to be happening next and as part of a new routine.

I did the childminding course in Dec but decieded not to register (I now foster instead). There is a strict rule in childminding and child care full stop, that no cared for children should be left unattended in a car at any time (although you can leave your own). If nothing else she has broken this rule and you have grounds to report her to ofstead. My eldest ds is 8 in Jan and he has just started crossing little roads and sometimes walks home on his own. A main road however is a totally different thing and so is the fact he is minded. Even if you were comfortable to leave him there yourself as a minded child he should never have been put in that position whether he had been with her 3 times or 300 times. For a minded child to be given time out of sight of the minder a writtten permission letter needs to be gained from the parents. I am a really laid back parent but I would never have done this with someone elses child. She is not meeting ofstead requirements with these actions. I normally stick up for childminders as the new legislation has made it a bloody hard job for not much money, but saftey is paramount and this was not safe. If you don't feel able to talk to her or do but do not like the answer you can go directly to ofstead and they do not have to pass on details of who made the complaint, this allows other mums and dads at the school gates to keep a check that minders are safe. Hope that helps. Good luck.

carrieboo thankyou ~I feel some of the posters have maybe got much younger dcs and think 8 is really old but although he is allowed to his friends he was only 8 last month and none of his friends are out and about on their own yet so I don't think I am being ott.

I have been picking my own dcs up from this primary for a total of 14 yrs[!] every day and I have never had to do this.

I'm sorry I find your OP very confusing?
And just so I am clear my DD1 is also just 8 in year 3, and their school has a big gate then a road!
I am unclear where you think it was an unsafe she left him?? My 8 year old is more than capable of standing by the gate, on the pavement, or any number of places and knowing not to run across a busy road - come on he's 8 not 3!

Can't see the problem leaving a few children in the care for what would have been a few minutes tops??

All sounds a bit confusing and if you dont really like her and are over reacting a bit - so sorry I think YABU!

My DD is only just 8 and very capable of standing in the place told and knowing not to run across the road, maybe you need to allow him a bit of responsibility??

Just so I can really understand, how do you wish she had handled the situation. I am just asking so I can work out what she and all the other people involved could have handled this situation in an a way you would have been happy with.

You know your 8 year old. A few of the 8 year olds in my son's class I definitely wouldn't trust to do what your son was asked to.

Yes he may not have waited, but you want someone who can use good judgement even (or especially) when things don't go to plan.

A person looking after a minded child should not leave children in a car unattended full stop regardless of age and time left - it is a very clear ofstead rule. What you do with your own children is up to you (I do leave my own children in the car) but I would never break the ofstead rule.

The childminder should have sent the 8yo in to get the file and stayed where she was so he could come back to where he had left her. It is her responsibility to keep in in sight unless she has a written letter from the parents to say otherwise. An example given to us was if an 8yo minded child wants to play upstairs in the bedroom of a chilminders child a written permission letter must be obtained.

There are strict rules in place and you must err on the side of caution, it is a completely different care method than looking after your own child.

Hope that explains it better. I am not having a go at her as a person just that she has not follwed the safecare rules.

Sorry, but I think you're being ott. I have a 7 year old and a six year old and I would expect them to be fully capable of waiting in the situation you describe. Of course it's fine for you to explain to your cm that you are unhappy with this way of organising the pick up. I don't think that all parents would think this it was unreasonable, which is why you're not getting the response you want.

macdoodle ~ I think I said my ds is mature and sensible and would not cross the road.

That is not really the problem,it is that she doesn't know he is sensible.

But she is charged with looking after him,has only met him twice and shouldn't have left him behind.Then shouted at him.

Just to clarify,the c/m was across the road and then beyond the road in the car park she could not see him.

The issue I have is that she does not know him and she took a chaance on safety.For all she knew he could be quite immature or easily upset by this situation.

I wanted her to either say to him don't get the file,or to wait for him and all go together.

Sorry if I have been confusing it's because it's hard to describe the layout of the roads.