to get so annoyed with some mums to be

[LadyTeasmaid]

Today I find out if I'm preggers. If I am HURRAH! If not, my plan is to upgrade from my local crappy gym to the nice flash private one up the road as a make myself feel better pressie.

I been reading a bit on the preggers board, and it may be hormones (please!) but I'm so angry. Whinging about how they're not allowed a home birth because they're high risk! African woman have a one in 16 chance of dying in childbirth and pregnancy. And we whinge about having to go in a nice clean hospital. Makes me mad. If I am preggers I hereby swear not to whinge and moan about stuff that doesn't matter much at the end of the day.

"My main anger was at the thinking that health professionals tell us stuff to upset us, or to make things less enjoyable. When all they trying to do is deliver not just our babies safely, but all the other mums on the ward."

I think it's very naive to accept anything you're told by a person in a white coat. The reality is some decisions are made for political reasons, convenience, or because that's just the way they've always been done rather than in the best interests of mother and baby.

that's like saying I did some 'training' in 'Europe' FFS - AFRICA IS A CONTINENT

This thread has positively upset me. But I am 30 wks pregnant with twins with premmie birth threatening, oh and agonising arthritis... but then I mustn't whinge there are women in AFRICA who have it worse...

Where you give birth and how happy you are with that has a HUGE impact on how much pain you feel, and how well you cope with it. It's easy to be dismissive of how powerful the birthing process is emotionally when you've not been through it. I had to be checked out at a labour ward because my labour had a long (3 day) latent stage, and it was very distressing at the time - bright lights, high gurneys, no staff bothering with patients for 40 mins at a time. I was so relieved to be transferred to the lovely midwife led unit with low lighting, soft beds, and a birthing pool, and as soon as I got in that pool all the pain left me. I only needed gas and air until the birth 4 hours later. I am quite certain that I'd have needed an epidural in that mainstream labour ward, which increases your risk of a c section by a huge multiple. And sure, I'd have had my gorgeous ds any way he arrived. But it would have been hellish. AVOIDABLY hellish.

Women have every right to birth in a place that doesn't cause them to suffer far more pain than they need to; anxiety and fear can be catastrophic. A difficult birth can cause PND and lead to trouble bonding. Sneering at women in that position who want to avoid a repeat is nasty, yes. I hope you never find out quite how nasty. NO woman should suffer through a terrible birth experience when that's avoidable, and that applies to women here as well as those in subsistence cultures. Not all "women in Africa" live in abject poverty, as has been noted, but even where women are deprived of a chance at safe birth, how is that atrocious obscenity made any better by denying women elsewhere? It's like trying to force kids to eat food they hate by saying "there are people starving in Africa!" Totally irrelevant and really rather stupid.

After losing dd1, I swore blind I'd never complain if I could just have a baby. It didn't last... It's normal - if we kept applying a global perspective to every gripe we have we'd be paralysed into guilty inaction.

YABVVU for repeated use of the word "preggers". We're not in an Enid Blyton novel. Just been reading your other thread about joining the gym in AIBU and think YANBU in that one!

Busy OP!

I think you are being a bit unkind OP. However I do agree that a bit of perspective is a useful thing in many areas of our lives.

Childbirth can be very traumatic, no matter where it takes place. Equally it can be a breeze.

Saying "yeah, but it'd be worse if you were in Afghanistan" is not helpful or relevant. Many things would be worse in Africa or Afghanistan. If you were living in Africa you wouldn't be able to upgrade your gym membership to cheer yourself up.

op my MW did not believe me when i said i had pain, despite having an epidural. 12 hours of screaming agony later (I was being induced) they finally changed the epidural, i had instant pain relief, but was then only 1cm dilated and the baby had turned. EmCS and PND followed.
Forgive me for not agreeing with your assertion that the professionals are only trying to do what's best.

"we whinge about having to go in a nice clean hospital"

Not my experience at any rate and thanks to Scottish Power going through a water pipe my hospital didn't have any clean water for 24hrs. Just lovely.

Yeah, and actually, what was the gym stuff about? What relevance has that got to the rest of your post? If you're really so bothered about childbirth mortality etc in Africa, why not donate your subscription to the "flash" gym to a charity which can help with that.

True point funnylittlefrog. But can't we use the sh*tty times of others to rationalise how lucky we actually are?

Hazeyjane, again I empathise with the 3rd degree tear, and the pain. And yes no harm in a whinge, but shouldn't we be whinging about the fact that perhaps our local hospital could be cleaner, for everyone, rather than insisting we don't go there personally?

hf128219 Why would I have to check? If it is regarding possible pregnancy it is perfectly safe to continue to exercise during pregnancy if one did regularly prior to pregnancy.

I have no desire to TROLL the boards. I posted here as due to forum title it seems the most fitting and I look forward to any reponses when I return in about 1 hr.

YANBU. Personally, I find the pregnancy boards very reassuring and supportive, and an ideal place to go for a bit of a whinge now and again in order to keep everything in perspective. I'm sorry you don't feel the same, but heigh ho. Just stay away from that particular folder if it makes make you angry.

I love this thread.
Being really really annoyed and moaning about ...er... people moaning.

TBH though you need to get over yourself.

I have a child with severe disabilities. I could quite happily leacture one and all day in and day out about ANY complaints they have re children - " your child is staying out too late ? Be grateful he can go out at all" " Your child is asking you to play some stupid game? Be grateful he can talk at all"

I am actually quite pleased when I see the shit that bothers people as it shows we are all just frail and all need to complain and worry and moan. No one has a perfect life and everyone has petty annoyances.

As for doing exactly what the medical advisors tell you because they are just doing it all to make you safe ....

A sense of perspective is invaluable Orm, but so, too, is not being made guilty about challenging the status quo when it is not good enough.

OP, your comments are illogical, rude and frankly sheep like. Substandard maternity care in parts of Afriac is no reason not to campaign for better care in the UK. And if that means fewer births with trauma, then so be it.

Frankly your OP is like writing in the 1910s: 'all these middle class women whinging about not having the vote is outrageous! They should be thankful they're not closeted in a Harem like in Other Nations.'

This is the internet not RL. People are allowed to moan if they want to. I hope you are pregnant. That will be lovely for you.

There is always someone worse of than us. Its not only Africa where women have substandard maternity services. Maybe women in Afghanistan who are not allowed to consult doctors think those in Africa are lucky buggers?

Bizarre. What was that last bit about TROLLS in there for?

Women, we just don't know how good we have it.

We should just all be grateful and shut the fuck up?

I am not in the habit of being told to do anything, what with being an adult and being able to do my own thinking. I will do what I wish with my body, where I wish to do it and I will bear the consequences of those decisions.

Someone is always worse off than you, always.

WhoisAsking - In answer to your question, I think OP is referring to
^ShowOfHands Fri 20-Nov-09 13:42:24
Otherwise you'd be trolling across MN telling people with PND because of birth trauma that at least their babies are alive^