to expect the teacher to praise my ds a little bit at parents evening

[witchwithallthetrimmings]

I was really looking for her to say that he is a lovely bright happy boy that is showing signs of genius but did expect a little more than "he is doing fine". She did not say anything negative and told me that he is engaged with all the thing he is given to do but never once gave the impression that she actually liked him and he is lovely

I can sympathise, I once went to DD1's parents evening to be gushed at "oh how lucky you are to have her she is a wonderful pupil, always polite, tries her best" etc etc.

I then went straight into Ds class and spoke to his teacher. She hummed and harred for a while then a light almost pinged in her head

"he has beautiful eyes" she said

The dinner lady in charge of DD's class adores DD (it's a case of blatant favouritism) and, while that is all very nice, I'm not sure it's going to get DD very far in life!

Bonsoir ~I disagree,caring about their emotional development is paramount ~ without that you have nothing.

I bet he is a fabster, witch. I do think the target/SATs/National curriculum culture interferes significantly in this area. It's very obvious when you have twins that they say broadly the same stuff about every child, pretty much. It's very dull. Even nice teachers who clearly like your child mostly revert to a formulaic tick box list of what they can and can't do, when push comes to shove.

You are confusing two issues: caring about a child's emotional development is totally different to liking the child.

Personally I'd rather have the harsh truth. Although I will say that now as my sons report was lovely and personal. He struggles a bit with his writing and most of the meeting was helping me help him. They teach things so differently from when I was at school so I was glad of the help. It also came with a reassurance that he was a good reader so it wasn't like he couldn't learn quickly with the right help.

She also pointed out he's a "confident child" read: noisy. But I suppose if I'm not told I can't help, I just want a good school-parent relationship.

Perhaps if all negatives came with the little action plan to help with improvement the parents evening system would work better. No one wants their childs negatives listed.

I agree that concrete action plans to give parents the means with which to enable their children to achieve their learning objectives are the way forward. Much better for everyone concerned (parents and teachers) to think of all children as work in progress that to adore them.

I'm not confused don't worry,what I'm saying is the teacher should put the child's emotional development above all else and genuinely care,and this should be transmitted to the parent in an empathetic and kind and honest way.

The teacher should like all the children really ~ why not?

Gosh, I would be horrified if the teacher put the child's emotional development "above all else". I want the teacher to teach my child to read, write, count etc and to cooperate happily in a structured group environment.

I don;t like all the children I teach, that is just human nature. I woould still find something positive to say about each child/

In a limited amount of time the teacher has to make a judgement call about what to say. If they give lots of examples of your DC's caring/loving/entertaining side there may not be time to talk about progress and vice versa. The teacher needs to show that they do actually KNOW the child but the parent has to be proactive if there is specific information they want. A good teacher will be able to answer questions about your DC but cannot be expected to know what you want to hear in 10 minutes. OP, it is great that the teacher thinks your DC is doing OK, I am sure you will hear better (and maybe worse if your DS is like me in high school!) comments over the years. Do ask the teacher how he is getting on with friends, how are his manners etc if you want to know. Teacher may have assumed that you are already aware that your DC is a lovely, bright genius'

For example I work as a doctor.
I care about all the patients and would find positives to say to relatives over and above their treatment and medical issues.

I don't have to like everyone but I sincerely hope I can care about and like[in a general way not a friendship of course] them all.

Actually, the more I think about it, the less I want lots of emotion getting tangled up with learning. It's important for children to want to learn for themselves rather than because they like the teacher/want to please the teacher.

Bonsoir ~at primary school emotional development should be at least on a par with educational learning I would have thought that was obvious.

I don't think that it is useful to compare doctors and teachers. People only really consult doctors in times of crisis/to resolve problems, when they are feeling especially fragile and worried, and they need lots of extra reassurance.

The classroom should be a stable environment for ongoing progress. So the children shouldn't need lots of extra reassurance.

I am a teacher who likes all her children (and at secondary, it is not unknown for me to teach half the kids in the year - so 90 Year 7s plus other years!). I always find SOMETHING unique about each child that is THEM, that you can talk about - tbh I am one of those annoying teachers that rambles on about kids... And in Inner London that can be quite interesting (lots of gesture and sign language for parents who don't speak language. You can guess my 'she has a tendancy to chat' hand gesture accompanied with a (cos it's not terrribly naughty, now is it??).

Emotional development is my raison d'etre (as a teacher), I guess.

School should be a secure, stable environment to enable learning and socialisation. But it is not primarily about individual emotional development - it is primarily about acquiring specific skills and tools for life.

I don't agree with favouritism or being ott about certain children,it should be fair.

Adair ~you sound great and inspirational teachers are really something special at secondary school.

Sorry Anna, but my priority is completely the other way. Children's social and emotional development is far more important than learning to read and write (kids can't concentrate on academics if their head is in a mess). Maybe that's related to the schools I enjoy teaching in (mostly work in challenging schools and PRUs).

Contrary to what a lot of people have written, I actually do expect my son's teacher to like him. I am a bit at some people saying that teachers can't be expected to like all the children.

My son is in reception and it sounds like the OP's son is young too. I believe that a teacher of very young children should be the kind of person who loves children. If a teacher dislikes a 5 year old, then he/she is in the wrong job!

When he's 16 and gobbing off in the classroom, then the teacher has my full permission to dislike him but I would not want my 5 year old son to spend 6 hours daily in the company of someone who dislikes him!

Children's social and emotional development is obviously going to come before learning. But it ought to come from home. I agree that, very sadly, some children come from chaotic homes and that school/teachers have to step in. But, thankfully, most children don't need remedial emotional development at school. They need to learn at school.

I teach secondary.

I in about 7 years of teaching there have been only about 1 or 2 that I have actively disliked- and I have taught some very very difficult children and been on the recieving end of some violent and unpleasant situations.

There is a difference between not actively liking someone and activley disliking someone.

I think we are talking at cross-purposes. Teacher's need to model positive, respectful caring behaviour in order to back up (counteract?) what parents provide. The learning needs to take place within an environment of positivity, and courtesy.

I am not talking about explicitly teaching sharing or turn-taking or conflict management(though obv you deal with it when it comes up). Explicitly you are teaching English or Science or whatever.

Though ultimately: if my child leaves school with 9 GCSEs, yes, I will be pleased. If she leaves as a happy child, who can communicate positively with a diverse group of people and enjoys being creative and learning, I'll be satisfied.

Bah - rogue apostrophe. In fact, lots of v dubious grammar .