to expect the teacher to praise my ds a little bit at parents evening

[witchwithallthetrimmings]

I was really looking for her to say that he is a lovely bright happy boy that is showing signs of genius but did expect a little more than "he is doing fine". She did not say anything negative and told me that he is engaged with all the thing he is given to do but never once gave the impression that she actually liked him and he is lovely

In1981 'it was quite clear that she doted on him and several of the others within his class'

I think that would bother me, a teacher shouldn't be doting on several of the children, but have a professional, but still caring, attitude to all the children, regardless of what they thought of them.

The OPs DSs teacher just sounds like she's trying to have a bit of objectivity, which although not the gushing the OP is looking for, sounds about right to me.

Parents' evenings seem to have become increasingly formulaic. Usually the teacher will say something nebulous about "doing fine" or being "above average for all attainment targets"...

Would it kill them to say something more individual, something about what our children are like as individuals, not all about how they relate to the bloody National Curriculum?!

Last time, I swear, the teacher READ OUT what she had written in front of her... with her finger following the words. (I may have imagined that last bit, but it felt like it.)

I felt like I wanted to be Sir Alan Sugar: "Put yer notes away and TALK ter me!"

I know what you mean. You're not actually looking or them to say 'I love him he's just great' but increasingly there is a lack of warmth and real connection with the children in the way they report, and the focus is on targets, acheievemnt and what they have/should/will achieve, right from when they start.

I agree with that Baroness (although, actually, I do secretly want them to say "I love him, he's great" ).

Some teachers are just better at engaging with them as individuals, and you do want to have a sense that, if problems arise, then the teacher has the imagination to look holistically at things relating to that child.

But, it's not a perfect world, and they have 30 to teach. And they can't like, or be interested in all of them equally.

Also, I genuinely think that some teachers don't perform very well on parents evening.

I would rather listen to the OPs teacher than whoisaskings ds how horrid . I did not think that they were like this now, when i was a little about 25+ years ago teachers could be quite cutting. My dm informed me that she would not go to another open evening as she was fed up with the negative comments. I was not that bad, just dysleixic which in those days was lazy. Funny that when i entered college, was properly assessed and got the right support i did rather well i might hasten to add

Can I just say, as a teacher, that we just can't win with this one?! I hope that I come across as caring and warm to parents and certainly I try to make parents' evenings not too formal and try to put people at their ease. However, many headteachers now are not keen on teachers saying anything that might be construed as favouritism - in case they talk to other parents and they feel it is unfair. This can include statements such as "He's a lovely boy to have in the class>" etc. I was actually told to change end of year reports which contained the phrase "She's a pleasure to teach."

I can understand parents' frustrations with this, but teachers are on a very clear remit to simply report what the child has achieved/needs to work on etc.

At our last parents evening my middle dd was described as "the classic invisible child".
I left feeling rather .

YANBU I would have loved the teacher to tell me how wonderful my little on is but she didnt

My daughter is in reception and the teacher didnt really have much to say apart from what sounded alot like a moan that she aparently asks too many questions. She had asked "Is our world a playset" which seems like a rather odd but valid question but the teacher just seemed annoyed by it.

I wouldnt say i got the impression she didnt like her but I did get the impression she would prefer if my daughter shut up and coloured in her picture without trying to learn anything outside the lesson plan lol

I still dont know if we are supposed to tell her not to ask questions or let here?!

Well, I do think that was out of order Minty. There are nicer ways to talk about a child......

fernie3 shes a pholosopher ! Wait until she gets to uni they will love her.

To OP - what year is your ds in? In reception last year I found parents' evening to be a collection of meaningless and wishy-washy statements. We had our first year 1 meeting last night. Ds's teacher has made various statements about him since the start of term so I was expecting quite a lot. Instead she spent a good chunk of it saying how much he liked her (no mention of the reverse) and that he is progressing. When I pushed her for something more tangible she said he was average. The other stuff she said left me with the firm impression that she has no idea what makes him tick and actually does the opposite of what she should be doing to engage him. It is going to be a long year but at least she has stopped saying she thinks he has SEN.

I can understand the need to keep language that is too personal out of the reports/parents evenings: I am sure schools get overrun with parents complaining that MrsTryingHerHardestToBePositive has favourites because she said to Jason's mum that Jason is lovely but only said to Kyle's mum that Kyle is polite and hardworking. Or alternatively, that she doesn't know the children because she says the same to all the parents.

What one would hope it that the teacher does not use overly negative language about an offspring, nor that they spend the entire 15 minutes on the problems and forget to mention any progress that might have been happening.

But "doing ok" doesn't sound to me like negative language- I think I'd have thought that was...well, ok.

When I was teaching we had some training about parents' evening. The point was made that it would be a good idea to start with a positive personal observation about each child. It made the whole meeting so much more relaxed when we started from the fact that I did see the child as an individual and that there was something I liked about them. Also, as in MollieO's experience you really hope that your child's teacher does know what makes them tick.

I hope my DC's teachers will do this too.

The head at my school spent a lot of time making sure all the staff saw things from the parents point of view too, and always made us look for each child's special talent.

And I did like all the children I taught.

I think teachers can get too fixated on academic achievement and classroom behaviour (understandable how it happens) and so can overlook the more personal side of things. I agree, there's nothing better than to have little insights into the nice side of your child.

WARNING....CYNICAL POST COMING......

Was on a great training course this week about behaviour management where the lecturer
described the psychology between teachers and how they talk about the children. He described a phonecall home to a parent to give a positive comment about the child was the NUCLEAR WEAPON of primary school.
Reason being....the parent thinks the child is perfect, so if the teacher notices this then the teacher must be really clever and very good at their job.

I used to have one parent I had to phone every week - she wrote me up to three letters a day otherwise. It was time-consuming but very effective, so I think you're right spudmasher!

I often wonder if the mother was a MNer, she questioned everything I and the school did, it was like a personal AIBU everyday. I was completely demoralised by the end of the year. Her child was absolutely lovely though.

Interesting about starting with one positive comment Omicron. Ds's teacher started her session with me saying how ds has great difficulty with one aspect of maths!

I think that in 7 or so years of teaching I have never been able to not find something nice to say about a child.

I am something of a gusher though.

MollieO, maybe the teacher needs to do the same training I had? . We watched a video with a 'bad' and 'good' example and everything.

I think I was Unquietdad's teacher - we never had training on what to say at parents' evenings and I was horribly nervous at them all and read from notes. I didn't really know what I should be saying about the children, but mentioned their progress in different ways, how they'd settled into the class and (hopefully) how lovely their little one was in their various ways.

But you clearly can't win with parent's evenings cos I met with the parents of one of the sweetest little boys who was gorgeous and I loved to bits - one of those cuddly bundles of baby cuteness and I told them how lovely he was and how good at making friends and the dad said 'yes, yes, but you only tell us good things. What does he do wrong that we can improve?' Poor little chap, he left after a term when the family moved back to Japan...

I don't really think you nee training it is just common sense they all need something positive, a recent achievement, something personal, as assessment of where they are and what they can do to improve further.

My ds teacher told me when ds was ill she missed him terribly and to tell him to get better asap ~ she is an older lady and absolutely lovely ~ she connects with them all.
She also gets very concerned if he is ill in school and waits especially to tell me herself.
She is a gem.

So no,YANBU,if he is a lovely boy engaging and doing well she should feel free to compliment him.

If you look back over the thread you can see why teachers will never win... some posters want to know about how their child has settled, some want to know about academic progress, some want to know what they can do at home to improve and some seem to want to know whether the teacher likes the child. Just appreciate that you can't please everyone and that the teacher is trying to give you the information they deem important at the time. If there is anything else you want to know, ask! Unquiet dad, I would appreciate a teacher who used notes as it shows that they have spent some time before the meeting thinking through what they most want to say and to make sure that they don't forget anything. Talking for 3 hours to 15 different people it is not always easy to keep your thoughts straight, especially after already doing a full day at work!

Of course it is lovely when the class teacher adores your child. All parents have their egos deeply wrapped up in the achievements of their children, and, given that teachers get very close to our children and know them well, their approval of our children makes us feel good about ourselves.

But it is not necessary for teachers to adore a child for that child to make good progress learning with that teacher. And learning is really the most important thing a child should be doing at school.

But OOOh it is not hard to do all of those things so everyone is happy.