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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to take DD to playgroup because of first time mums?

63 replies

Disenchanted3 · 19/11/2009 09:41

DD is my third and by this point I'm just going with the flow, letting her do what she does, not really fussing at all and just getting on with it really

Most of themums at playgroup are first time mums who take their babies to every activity going at Surestart, which is great, I did it with DS but this time I've just not got the time ffor it

But I made an effort to take DD there last Wednesday and I won't be going back again

Struck up conversation with 2 mums, both of which just asked me question after question then proceeded to answer their own questions with regard to their kidsHEr: How old is sh? How many teeth has she got? My Lucy is 9 months, she has 2 teeth,

me- oh erm shes 10 months, got 6 teeth
r- 6 teth wow, whats she eating? Lucys on peress, mostly because

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

I just wanted to do some painting with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 19/11/2009 09:43

Totally messed up post there, DD was keyboard bashing

OP posts:
Firawla · 19/11/2009 09:44

just take her if you want, but dont bother to get too involved in the conversations. surely if you don't look too interested and dont really ask them anything they would move onto someone else? if you wanted to go and do painting i dont think you should miss out just for that

sarah293 · 19/11/2009 09:45

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sarah293 · 19/11/2009 09:46

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Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 19/11/2009 09:47

Awww Riven,

bunch of bitches

OP posts:
Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 19/11/2009 09:47

Your daughter is beautiful

OP posts:
madamearcati · 19/11/2009 09:48

God no.All these things are fascinating with your first Dc but mind-numbing by your 3rd or 4th.Although you may find you are treated as some sort of oracle by first time mums because you have been through it all several times.

bellissima · 19/11/2009 09:48

It's when they even start about growth percentiles. Am I the only one who sort of looked at these for DC1 and never even opened that page of the book for DC2?

Forgive them, for you were there once.

TheCrackFox · 19/11/2009 09:51

I was lucky that I found a playgroup where nobody wanted to talk about the DCs. We were just so desperate for adult conversation.

I don't even understand growth percentiles as I never had my boys weighed past the 6 week check.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 19/11/2009 09:52

Yes crack, about 3 people have asked me what DD (10 months) weighs in the last week and I have NO clue at all, I think she was about 6 months old last time she was weighed

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 19/11/2009 09:55

YANBU. Am sure there were lots of third and fourth time mums who found you equally boring about your PFB

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 19/11/2009 09:57

I only have one DC and I don't care about that stuff either if it helps. But I have a friend who is on DD3 and still asks me how mant teeth/how many night wakings etc. It's not only first time mums who can bore for england

sarah293 · 19/11/2009 10:02

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LilyBolero · 19/11/2009 10:04

I used to take ds2 to a toddler gym class (mainly because I was feeling guilty that I hadn't taken him to something like that and he was really late walking). He is a third child.

Bear in mind he was (and is) tiny for his age, didn't walk till 20+months, has a speech delay. We went when he was about 18 months.

Conversations went something like this;

Mother of 8 month old PFB; What a sweet baby - he looks about the same age as mine!

Me; I think he's probably quite a bit older tbh

PFBMum; No, they look about the same - 8 months?

Me; Yeah, he's 18 months.

PFBMum - oh.....well of course mine is very well developed for his age...I expect yours is running round everywhere, getting into all sorts of mischief

Me; No, can't walk yet.

PFBMum; Well he won't be long will he, crawling all over the house etc

Me; He can't crawl.

PFBMum; Oh......I expect he's been putting ALL his energy into talking,I bet he never shuts up....

Me; He can't say anything.

PFBMum; Oh....are you really worried about him?

It was SO annoying - especially because they were lovely mums, and I'd have liked (and tried) to talk to them about who they were, not their children! But I stopped going because I just couldn't handle the above conversation 3 or 4 times a week, every week...

Sassybeast · 19/11/2009 10:04

Riven - I know someone who massaged her babys gums to encourage teething - I kid you not

sarah293 · 19/11/2009 10:10

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colditz · 19/11/2009 10:22

God, I go to a Surestart groups and the kids are lucky if they don't get slightly neglected

We tall about money (none of us have any), children's clothes (as in "I'm throwing out boys age 2-3 - do you want any?"), bargains in local supermarkets, the breakdown of member's relationships and how it's important to eat, sneaking veg into dinners (and how it's not a huge deal if they won't eat them anyway), the appalling quality of the teabags used, new shoes (anyone's), haircuts (anyone;'s) etc ad infinitum.

We have gelled really well, as a group. You have to find one you like though, I went to one that made me want to slit my wrists, it was so competitive and interferey - and it was at Ds1's school, which I thought had NORMAL parents!

claw3 · 19/11/2009 10:23

I took my third ds to mother and toddler groups, he wasnt interested in the other kids and i wasnt interested in the parents, dont know where he gets it from!

I would sit and paint, do puzzles etc with him on the little tables and chairs, why the other mums sat on the big chairs round the edge of the room and chatted.

YorkshireRose · 19/11/2009 10:25

This doesn't just happen at playgroups.

When I was at soft play area with DS (2nd DC) when he was 17m old (and very big for his age) had an older lady (probably someone's know it all granny) say to me completely out of the blue "he's very big not to be walking isn't he - what's wrong with him?". What do you say to that???

DS didn't walk until 18m - I think it was just laziness inherited from his dad!

boolifooli · 19/11/2009 10:28

Totally agree. DS, aged 3, is a titch and going to toddler groups is/was not much fun when some other mum's are behaving as if I should be sick with worry about him. It's the same when I take him to nursery, it's more obvious there as he is with kids his age. It's not a ride at Alton Towers fgs, entry into education doesn't depend on height as far as I know!

preggersplayspop · 19/11/2009 10:32

All the playgroups I have been to you you have had to practically strongarm someone into a conversation with you. Most mums stay in their cliques and it can be quite intimidating as a new mum, especially if you are not naturally outgoing.

I've been so desparate to speak to someone other than the checkout lady in the supermarket that I probably have started an inane conversation about my babies weight/teeth because it can be quite hard finding common ground with people otherwise.

BloodRedTulips · 19/11/2009 10:33

tbf, the worst mum i know for the constant inquisition on ds2's developement is also a third time mum and the most relaxed and chilled mum of a baby i know is a first timer (not counting myself obviously )

i think some personality types are just drawn to certain environments... i bet the women you talked to will be just as irritating overenthusiastic with their 2nd and 3rd babies.

the looks of horror i've been getting this time round though when asked 'how many weeks is he?' and i answer 'haven't a clue, i'm having trouble keeping up with the months to be perfectly honest'

biggirlsdontcry · 19/11/2009 10:49

boolifooli i can sympathise with you , my dd is the same , she is 3.10 & tiny for her age , i am fed up with the looks people give me when i tell them her age .

Annner · 19/11/2009 10:57

I had the "walking contest" in the park with my late to walk DD, who finally sorted it out at about 21 months. "ooh, isn't she rather big to be crawling?" "Aren't your worried?" "What does your HV think?? ad nauseum.

To all of those who seemed to equate early walking with higher levels of development, I learned to point out gently that the higher the order of mammal, the longer they prefer to stay closer to their mother and don't walk. Early walking is great for baby giraffes.

Soon shut 'em up.

Glitterknickaz · 19/11/2009 10:58

I don't go any more tbh. I feel I have nothing in common with anyone there, having three sn kids the pfb mums really can't relate to me.

Mind you the worst thing I have ever encountered is at school, there's a mum there that refers to my kids as retards and even refers to her own son as a window licker.

She's never bothered getting a diagnosis for her own kid just tells everyone he's autistic and a complete and utter window licker.