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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with nursery

63 replies

twittergirl · 17/11/2009 22:05

Am getting really sick of comments from my DS's nursery but not sure if I am just being over sensitive so would appreciate an outsider's perspective on this.

My DS is 13 months old and every time I pick him up I just get a long litany of things he can't do yet - he isn't walking/drinking from a beaker/eating big lumps/feeding himself.

I am finding it really disheartening to be told all his "faults" every day. I am fully aware that many 13 month olds can do all these things but by no means all of them do and I don't think the fact that he can't yet makes him backwards in anyway. I have no problem at all with them encouraging him to do these things but don't think they should be making an issue of it if he isn't ready yet. They even wrote in his diary one day that he wasn't feeding himself because he was "lazy" which made me furious (although I think they actually meant it as a joke)! He's not lazy ffs, he's just not ready yet.

I haven't said anything to his key worker yet as I think it's really important that we maintain a good relationship but these endless comments are really starting to get to me.

What do you all think? Is this an issue? Or am I just being over sensitive?

OP posts:
hf128219 · 17/11/2009 22:07

YANBU. Children do things when they are ready.

SarfEasticated · 17/11/2009 22:08

I'd be cross too, he's not there to jump through hoops for them, he's there to be looked after beautifully until you come and pick him up. I would worry that their attitude would rub off on my child tbh...

preggersplayspop · 17/11/2009 22:10

YANBU - I would be v cross if my nursery was coming out with those sort of comments. He'll develop those things in his own time, they must surely see children develop at different rates all the time??

Original poster
twittergirl · 17/11/2009 22:11

SarfEasticated - yes - I am worried that maybe they are putting pressure on him. If they are, I think that is more likely to slow things down than to speed them up.

OP posts:
TeamEdward · 17/11/2009 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 17/11/2009 22:13

My DS developed later than (what felt like) every other child on the planet, but I got lists of what he could do from Nursery. Plus reassurance that children develop at they're own rate.

YADNBU

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 17/11/2009 22:15

they're????

their, obviously.

argento · 17/11/2009 22:17

I don't think it has anything to do with the EYFS - it's all about respecting children as unique individuals. It's not about assessments or meeting targets.

YANBU though, I'd be upset about those comments too.

Original poster
twittergirl · 17/11/2009 22:19

preggersplayspop - yes, that confused me too. His key worker must have seen tons of babies over the years but she seems to think that the day he turned 12 months he should suddenly be able to do all these things. She ought to know better than most that children develop at different rates.

OP posts:
KnackeredOldHag · 17/11/2009 22:19

I'd say something to his keyworker, but in quite a light way, rather than being confrontational about it. If she doesn't react and back off then be a bit more direct. Possibly she just thinks she is being helpful and doesn't realise it is upsetting for you.

That said, I think most parents would be pissed off with the comments. DS1 also didn't walk till 16 months, threw up with lumps in his food till past 1 (I can't remember what age) and refused a beaker for ages too. I was never worried about it and always felt completely confident that he was well within a "normal" range.

SarfEasticated · 17/11/2009 22:19

I'd have a chat to the manager if I were you, sounds very unprofessional/unPC

bigchris · 17/11/2009 22:20

your keyworker sounds shit tbh
sorry

Original poster
twittergirl · 17/11/2009 22:24

KnackeredOldHag - yes, that's what I was thinking too. I have been starting to cut her off with a light "oh he's still learning" but I may have to be more direct if she doesn't take the hint.

bigchris - she's actually generally very good with him. These comments have only started since he turned one so I think she just have some very fixed expectations about what a 13 month old can/should be able to do.

Thanks all for seeing my point on this. Wasn't sure if I was just being oversensitive.

OP posts:
Lotster · 17/11/2009 22:26

YANBU - a nursery that can't nurture each child as an individual is not worth your money.

BetsyBoop · 17/11/2009 22:28

I can't see how EYFS is to blame, when the whole point of that is that children develop and learn in different ways and at different rates

[[http://nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/earlyyears/eyfsareasoflearninganddev elopment/allstages/820months here] is what your DS should be doing somewhere between 8-20months (note the huge range here)

I would have a word with the Nursery manager, surely not every child then have magically walks at 12months etc?

(Goodness knows what they would have thought of my DS who was 17.5months when he walked )

BetsyBoop · 17/11/2009 22:29

I'll try that link again...

elopment/allstages/820months here

BetsyBoop · 17/11/2009 22:31

third time lucky, doh....

here I hope

time I went to bed

Original poster
twittergirl · 17/11/2009 22:32

Thanks BetsyBoop!

OP posts:
happyharry · 17/11/2009 22:32

Each child is very different. My 1st walked at 17 months and my 2nd at 9 months.

pigletmania · 17/11/2009 22:57

YANBU fgs he is just a BABY!!!! There is so much pressure on those so young to acquire all sorts of skills that given a bit of time will come. Why dont you talk to them and tell them what you have said here. If they are skilled in childcare they will know that that these developmental stages that they learn about in childcare/development are not arbitary but vary between children. Dont worry your little boy sounds like he is doing very well.

pigletmania · 17/11/2009 22:58

if it does not improve find another nursery that will look after him in the way that you are happy with.

pigletmania · 17/11/2009 23:01

There are times like this that i am glad that i am a SAHM at least i will have no nursery judging my dc.

Foxy800 · 18/11/2009 07:11

I work in a nursery and all children developed at different pace. I would never dream of constantly highlighting the fact a child wasnt doing something like walking and certainly wouldnt put in a diary that they were lazy!!!!

I also have a 3.5 yr old lo and she didnt start walking till 18 months old.

TheApprentice · 18/11/2009 07:27

I think this is terrible! How on earth is making these comments going to help anyone? He sounds completely normal for his age anyhow.

FWIW I have a 15 month old and have been amazed just what he has learnt to do over the last 3 months. He is just starting to try to feed himself with a spoon (2 days ago). And I myself didnt walk till 18 months and theres nothing wrong with my walking now!

ComeONFabStopStressingSOMuch · 18/11/2009 07:36

YAdefinitelyNBU the nursery worker is.

If she says it again I would be tempted to say "Enough. A|ll you do is tell me all the things he can't do. He is a baby, not a robot. Please stop or I will be taking further action" then walk away.