To be annoyed with nursery

[twittergirl]

Am getting really sick of comments from my DS's nursery but not sure if I am just being over sensitive so would appreciate an outsider's perspective on this.

My DS is 13 months old and every time I pick him up I just get a long litany of things he can't do yet - he isn't walking/drinking from a beaker/eating big lumps/feeding himself.

I am finding it really disheartening to be told all his "faults" every day. I am fully aware that many 13 month olds can do all these things but by no means all of them do and I don't think the fact that he can't yet makes him backwards in anyway. I have no problem at all with them encouraging him to do these things but don't think they should be making an issue of it if he isn't ready yet. They even wrote in his diary one day that he wasn't feeding himself because he was "lazy" which made me furious (although I think they actually meant it as a joke)! He's not lazy ffs, he's just not ready yet.

I haven't said anything to his key worker yet as I think it's really important that we maintain a good relationship but these endless comments are really starting to get to me.

What do you all think? Is this an issue? Or am I just being over sensitive?

If anyone wants to see my paper, email me at boffinmum at hotmail dot co dot uk and I will send you a copy.

It's something I feel very strongly about. Show me a child developing in every respect according to the books and I will show you a robot!

YANBU. Here

Thanks Boffin that helps a lot, even though my area is Health Pschology and I am aware of children developing at different rates and in thier own time not when government targets dictate, i still cant help worrying about my dd 2.8 years, in particular the potty training.

The thing is, there aren't Government developmental targets - it's just that the curriculum is utterly misunderstood by people effectively dabbling at developmental psychology.

Yes and imo a lot of childcare workers take these child development theories quite literally when really they are only a guide.

and do not take individual differences in children into account.

If you open any child psychology text book, the margins they give are massive - about six months either side in some cases. I have to say I don't think much of childcare workers who care so little about their profession that they they have never had a look at one of these related textbook. Applause to all those bothering to do so, and special applause to those doing degrees. That's what we need.

Agree boffinista, a lot of childcare workers take theories and studies quite literally really imo. My 2.8 year old dd is at the same stage as say a toddler entering 2 years for example, she is only just beginning to talk longer sentances and make some effort to remove clothes and to put shoes on but not fully able to dress like i know a lot of toddlers her age are able to even though i show her. My dd is no way near ready for potty training, even though the developmental theories state that she should have an awareness and interest of bowel and bladdar movements and is able to state when they have done a wee or poo, which dd is not able to do, only just recognising when she has done a poo as from yesterday.

To cut a long story short i know that she will do it in her own good time, there is so much else she is able to do that some toddlers of her age cannot yet, she is just young for her age and will develop these skills when she is ready not when i tell her to or anybody else for that matter.

I am lucky with the nursery workers at dds pre school nursery that they are very positive and tell me the lovely things that she has done that day and never the things that she is not able to do.

You need to speak to the manager asap, the longer you leave it the more wound up you will get. You are paying them to care professionally for your child not assess him.
My daughter had a fantastic nursery. The staff there were wonderfully supportive and always happy and positive. As a result the feedback on collection was always informative and positive and I had one happy, confident little girl. I totallly agree with purepurple "children's development starts with what they can do. Not what they cannot". If you cannot get a sensitive, positive and understanding outcome to your meeting with the manager it may be time to look for somewhere else.

In my opinion, by making constant negative comments, they are coming across as frustrated. It's not about a child developing late because you can't really judge a baby/child but it is understanding and knowing that all children are different and develop at different rates.

They are being a little unproffesional and I agree with the comments given to you. I would make an appointment with the manager and explain how the constant negative remarks are making you feel.

Hope you get it sorted.

Thanks again all. Am going to see how it goes this week and if I don't see an improvement I'm going to raise it with them.

You might find other parents feel the same. Have you done any asking around?