Three pounds on a Christmas present. Is this tight or ok?

[RockBird]

SIL happened to comment at the weekend that she has done her Christmas shopping and spent £8 on brothers and sisters, £5 on other halves and £3 on children (there are three under 6 in the family of which DD is one)

Background: Both her and her fiance are very high earners, the highest earners in the family and they do not have children or a huge mortgage. Both sets of parents are paying for their wedding. Only mentioning this to clarfiy that lack of money is not the issue.

I also should make it clear that I do not expect any presents IYSWIM. If she had said sorry I'm not giving presents this year it absolutely wouldn't bother me. But I think £3 is odd. I would rather she had spent the whole amount for our part of the family on DD or got nothing at all. For DD's first birthday earlier this year she didn't buy her a card, she got a very dark, grown up notelet and wrote a one on it. That really annoyed me and is possibly clouding my judgement over this but it all just seems stingy and I'd rather she hadn't bothered.

So go on, let me have it. I'm B very U aren't I?

YABU - the amount does not matter. You can always spend the same.

Also they may be very high earners but nobody knows of the outgoings and expenses they may have. They may have debts like the rest of us from years ago to pay off.

Did she say what she had got for dd for £3?

i think if people want to spend less money at christmas then they shouldnt buy the adults anything so they have more money for the kids.

im sure no parent would mind someone just getting their child something and not them i would much prefer it over the adults getting more expensive gifts than the kids. that is just weird to me, christmas is all about the kids.

But she hasn't really 'bothered' has she, that's the point. She's picked up the first thing she saw for everybody. That, to me, shows a complete lack of effort and interest and if she felt that it was that much of a chore she really shouldn't have. Sorry but grabbing anything off a shelf and thinking 'job done' is not in the spirit of giving and that's what she's stated she's done.

Anyway, I don't want to do a stealth thread. I'm being U, I accept that I will think happy thoughts and go off now and start buying for her wedding present, outfit, hotel for the night, flower girl outfit for dd...

OK, that was a stealth, I really am done now!

Wierd one.

I suppose she should have spent more on the kids - that would be the pisser offer for me.

I have very rich uncle who bought me and my hubby a very nice expensive bottle of red last xmas, yet nothing at all for my son.
That kind of shit pisses me off.

i agree, she has not bothered and no thought went into the first birthday pressie. Just be the same. give them some old piece of toot.

Lol @ the John Lewis wedding list. Do they have a pound shop in there?

What would be your SILs going rate for a wedding gift? £2.75ish?

YAjustventing because unless you're really struggling, £3 on a niece/nephews Christmas gift is a bit tight.

Didn´t realise that she had just "grabbed things off a shelf"

One of the reasons many wealthy people are wealthy is that they don't make a habit of spending a lot of money.

You don't get rich by cutting a lot of cheques.

Has she always had money? Or has she worked hard to get where she is? Some people can't help trying to save money, it's ingrained in them no matter how well-off they seem. Maybe what she's doing reflects insecurity, in which case YABU.

But your original point was 'is £3 on a present stingy?', not 'is it rude to make no effort when choosing presents?'. Which one is it that you're annoyed about?

YANBU. Your sister can spend whatever she likes on a present but the way she has decided the precise amounts in advance is stingy. I actually think telling you just how little she has spent is totally out of order. It seems as if it was intended to make you feel bad about how little she thinks of you and your family and I don't really see what benefit she gets from this. It seems to me that if she saw the perfect present at a bargain price she should have kept that to herself.

YABU. Of course they can spend what they like on presents.

However, I do think it is very odd for her to have told you exactly how much they have spent per person! Not really in the true spirit of Christmas, is it.

You know - SILs. Who can fathom them [shrugs] Odd creatures.

Have you thought that she might have told you the price so you don't go and spend a lot of money on them to make you feel better if they are richer - the gift expectation thing? (IYSWIM).

Mind you I know that my expectations of gift giving and recieving changed a lot when I had dd, am sure I was meaner before!

Also maybe she is stressed pre wedding and has had that hormonal bridezilla change that sometimes happens?

All that being said - I think she is BVU to tell you the cost of everything, she could have just said - have done my xmas shopping and gloated that way not that she had done a smash and grab at tescos.

YAB Totally U. She has told you how much she has spent so you don't go mad buying things for them. She has bought the children a present ergo she has thought about them (unless she has bought them a colander I suppose ;) )
It is entirely up to her how she distributes her christmas budget & how much that budget is (or do you think it should be a percent of earnings? I for one think she is being sensible - sounds very much like my christmas budget.

Besides which your dd is 1 - she will have more fun with the paper than any gift £3 or £300. You seem to be annoyed that your SIL does not think your dd is the most important person in the world - I don't understand what was wrong with the notelet card either tbh

If this is such an issue for you get in early & buy the cheapest thing off her wedding list or go off list if it bothers you.

Also not you OP but others - I don't hold with christmas is not all about children did you not celebrate it before you had children? Christmas is about family & getting together not buying children huge mounds of plastic tat.

I don't know if yabu or not.

Telling you how much she's spent is naff imo. (Something my mum does relentlessly!)

DH has an extremely wealthy, childfree aunt and uncle who have never yet bought either of our dses (7 and 5) a Christmas present, yet always get me and DH something. That actually pisses me right off.

Hey Rockbird,
I think YANBU. 3 quid is tight if you are financially comfortable for close family presents. Plus I also care about what cards people send so YANBU on that either for me.

Sure it's been said before, but with Xmas though the best way to avoid trouble is to agree expectations/budget and everyone sticks to that. Having said that, it is still less than fair as £10 to us, say, is less of an issue than £10 to quite a few of our friends who earn less. It is a bit noticeable to have an imbalance at Christmas when everyone is giving, so we try to make it up by spending more on people's birthdays during the year.

And yes, I also agree that people should make an effort to get nice stuff for the kids (not to say that always has to cost a fortune!) even if that's at the expense of buying for the parents. I'm resigned to this now I have DS.

£3 is fine.....christmas is not about who can spend the most money...

i know some very rich people...they hardly spend anything on presents...(they think it's common to spend alot..)

they spend alot on food and drink though...

I agree with doodleydoo - she may have been letting you know the rough value so that you had a gauge for working out what to get them.

I thought at first you'd said she gave your dd a notepad with 1 written on the front, which really made me pmsl but a notelet card is not that bad really. It's the thought and the message that counts.

Does she have dc yet?

Imagine -- I bet a one-yr-old would love a colander!

AIBU to have no idea what I'm getting any of my nephews and nieces yet?
Could you pass on any £3 present hints this way, please, OP?