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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be miffed that best friend has chosen same names as DS for her new baby?

58 replies

DipsyLaLa · 13/11/2009 17:26

Hello Everyone
I'm new here. I need some objective advice. Best friend has just had a baby and while I am over the moon for her I am somewhat cross that she has decided to name her baby exactly the same two first names as my DS. I might add that she is also godmother to him.

I know she is free to name her baby whatever she likes and I'm not asking her to change it. But isn't this just bad form?

OP posts:

famishedass · 13/11/2009 17:29

Well, it's a bit odd but, whadyagonnado?

YANBU - I'd be miffed too. If you really want to annoy her refer to your ds as (for example) Jack, the first Jack and hers as Jack the second Jack.

kissyfur · 13/11/2009 17:34

I'd be miffed too! there are enough names out there to not choose the same ones as your best mate good idea to refer to your DS as the first and hers the second

Vivia · 13/11/2009 17:34

YANBU that is really damn nasty.

I am particularly upset by this because of my mother's experience. My mother named my twin sister Jane. Soon after, her best friend gave birth and named her newborn daughter Nicola. Two weeks later, my sister died. The next day my mother's friend registered her baby's name: she had changed it to Jane.

Heartbreaking in our situation, but still bloody inappropriate in yours, Dipsy.

EvilTwins · 13/11/2009 17:40

YABU. You may have given your DS those names, but that does not mean you own them. It doesn't mean that your DS is no longer his unique self. OK, fine, there are plenty of names to go round, but why should your friend have to avoid names she likes just because you like them too?

Rubyrubyruby · 13/11/2009 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juneybean · 13/11/2009 17:45

I find this totally bizarre, I know no one owns names but to use names that your best friend is using is just weird.

I personally would never name my children the same as my best friends children.

Original poster

DipsyLaLa · 13/11/2009 17:45

well that makes me feel better already thanks.

I have already mentioned it to her as tackfully as I could. Just said something like 'feel a bit funny that you've used both DS's names'. She didn't take that well at all, said I didn't own the names and it was her choice. I completely agree with her on that part. But, I just feel a bit let down that she thought it would be OK.

It wasn't so long ago that she vented to me about a friend of hers that had pinched the name she wanted for any future DD!

Double standards!

OP posts:

lockets · 13/11/2009 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lavenderkate · 13/11/2009 17:52

Aahh, I understand how you feel but personally I would take it as the highest form of flattery.

Vivia, I am trying to be kind and careful when I say this- did your Mother's friend possibly do it as mark of sentiment?

ASeahorseIs4LifeNotJust4Xma · 13/11/2009 18:06

YANBU to be miffed if she has previous form for being cross when someone used a name that she liked but hadn't actually used. However, given she's just had a baby, she might not have considered the issue in such logical terms...

blueywhite · 13/11/2009 18:28

I wonder how long she had been considering using those names? Might not have been inspired by your ds, but before then?

This has just reminded me that a woman in my ante-natal group who I became friends with named her dd the same two names as my dd and I just thought "Hey, good taste!!"

Never occurred to me to be offended.

iamaLeafontheWind · 13/11/2009 18:31

I think it wold be a lovely mark of respect to name your child in memory of a friends child. Would probably ask first though.

DoingTheBestICan · 13/11/2009 18:40

When my Mum was preg with me my Aunt lost one of her twin baby girls to cot death,i was given her name as my middle name as a mark of respect.

Not sure i would like my bf's child having the same name as my child though,YANBU.

Vivia · 13/11/2009 18:44

Lavender - I know you're being kind and positive, but she truly wasn't that kind of friend. Years later, she proved to be a very nasty person indeed, sadly.

pinkandsparkly · 13/11/2009 18:50

I've told everyone I know the name of my future (not even concieved, theoretical child does not even have potential father yet!) dd, should I have one.

It might sound mad, and probably is but at least nobody could say I copied them! Every time one of my friends has a baby girl I steel myself when they announce the name, in case they have picked 'my name'. So far so good but if it happens one day I will just have to deal with it.

lavenderkate · 13/11/2009 18:52

oh Vivia.

Think 'karma' and smile.

autumnsun · 13/11/2009 18:59

YANBU - Its really odd to WANT to pick the same names. Whenever your kids are together it'll be confusing and just sound silly calling them the same thing. I have avoided any names of my friend's children when choosing my children's names. It just put me off somehow.

Never mind though, at least you had the name first!

Maybe she'll change her mind when her hormones have settled down and she's really thought it through!

Original poster

DipsyLaLa · 13/11/2009 19:10

I agree with all of you. I know it is a compliment to have copied DS's names but I still find it very strange. Also I think that if I had seen this post from someone else I would have said that I would have been flattered and not to worry about it.

But here I am worrying about it!

OP posts:

JTGPsmummy · 13/11/2009 19:11

YANBU, I thought the same as autumn, it will get confusing! Especially as BF and I assume you will see a lot of each other.

Years ago, way before having my DS, I told my pregnant friend that we had already picked out a name for a future son. Sadly her baby died when she was 8 months pregnant and when she had him she named him the name we had picked, so obviously we couldn't use it after that. Also my DHs cousin called her son the same as ours, then said we had pinched her name (ours is quite a few months older).

Also can't believe she got annoyed with you when she had a similar issue before! Double standards.

cakeywakey · 13/11/2009 19:23

It does seem odd, but everyone will probably think so too - especially if you mix in the same circles. You'll just have to rise above it.

In my family, there are a number of names that crop up time and again but no-one worries about it. Just let it go and be happy for her in her new mumhood.

meltedchocolate · 13/11/2009 19:29

I wanna say YABU because she has every right and it is so irritating if you like a name but cant use it for the unspoken rule of not name stealing.

However, i would be really miffed if anyone 'stole' my sons name.

Love hearing it when someone i dont know has chosen the same name, but a friend.... no that would annoy me.

2rebecca · 13/11/2009 19:31

That is odd. I can understand her choosing the same first name as sometimes you really like a name and don't want not to choose it just because a friend or family member has had that name first, as she's a friend chances are the 2 boys won't spend much of their older life together anyway. Choosing 2 names the same is strange though. Don't think I'd be upset by this though.

MaggiePie · 13/11/2009 19:33

I wouldn't be angry, I'd be baffled. A lot of people say you can't steal a name, but ut it's a very odd thing to do. Like advertising the fact that you 1) have no imagination and 2) that you want to shamelessly copy somebody because you admire them a bit toooo much. It's kind of creepy and odd.

Exclusion clause to the above though: It does slightly depend on the name. George, William, Jack,,,, maybe it's the name she always wanted too.

But if your son is called Victor Jago and she copied you exactly then that is really mad.

MaggiePie · 13/11/2009 19:37

what's the name. go on. you really have to tell me so I can assess how bizarre it really is.

I mean, if it's Daniel James for example then that's one of those combos that just jumps out at you. I don't even know a Daniel James.

2rebecca · 13/11/2009 20:26

Actually what is odd is that she didn't discuss it with you first. If I did decide to name my child with the same names as a close friend I would discuss it with her first and try to get her on side.

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