To think that all because there are other black women in the room ...

[Asana]

... does not automatically mean that we know each other/came together?

I was at a baby playgroup today and arrived later than usual. There were two other black women in the room with their children. After a few minutes, one of the organisers came up to me and said that my friend had been asking about the group/how it works etc. I told her that I wasn't sure whom she was referring to, given that I didn't know anyone there this week. She then said to me, "Oh, I mean your friend over there. Didn't you arrive together?" When I told her we didn't as I had only just arrived, she said that she thought I and the two other women had come in together and knew each other. It later transpired that the other two women didn't know each other either, nor had they arrived at the same time and, up until that point, none of us had so much as uttered a word to each other. This leads me to wonder why oh why she automatically assumed that we were friends.

At an 02 shop last week, all the sales reps were sitting down with customers, so I decided to patiently wait in line. Sitting at the desk in front of me were a male sales rep and a female customer, who was black. A woman came into the shop with her daughter and we got to talking (usual random chat about the weather etc). When the male sales rep in front of me finished with his customer, he went to the main desk and asked who was next. The woman went straight to the desk and started asking him about the mobile phone deals they were currently advertising. I spoke up and told her that I was first and had been waiting for some time. As she didn't seem to hear me, her daughter re-iterated what I'd just said. She looked back at me and said, "Oh, I thought you were with the lady that just left. I'll be done soon." And she proceeded to turn around and continue her conversation with the rep.

This happens more times than I would care to admit and it really gets my goat. AIBU to be annoyed at these assumptions and say to people that do this (with a sardonic raised eyebrow like so ), "Not all black people know each other or are directly related, you know ..." ?

YANBU!

How odd! YANBU

YANBU!

It is a 'different' thing, dh gets it with other asian people and i get it occassionally if there is another woman wearing hijab (as i do) it is assumed you are part of a group

Blimey. Must be extremely irritating.

YANBU - next time you have to say something.

Happens to other minorities too. I was at a mothers and toddlers group the other day - other mums are talking about someone I don't know - one turns to me to join in the conversation. I have no idea who they are talking about. She then admits that she assumed we must know each other because we are both Jewish. Not all Jewish people know each other either!

LOL. I really don't know what to say to that. oo oo i can use the

I think you should say something to them. They sure wouldnt do it again!

YANBU at all. I think you really should say what you put at the end. Its not rude and it made me smile. The only thing I can think of as to why they may do it is maybe there aren't a lot of black people around where you are, so a few togther they may assume that you are together. Although if that is the case it does seem very rude tbh.

I have discovered though that there are more and more people out there that have no manners at all and that really pisses me off (and more of them seem to work in shops now) I don't know if it is just me taking more notice or people really are getting ruder!

YANBU. It sounds very annoying and ignorant.

Yanbu.

This is the kind of assumption that people who wouldn't normally consider themselves to be racist could easily end up making.

It's good to be reminded of these things.

YANBU.

How irritating and TBH dumb.

I took my DCs to a family wedding. They are mixed race. They were seated on a table with the only two other mixed race children present.

Because 'I thought it would be nice for them to be together'

Obviously they had so much to discuss, hair braiding, skin creams, rap music, Bob Marley..

I get this too. Very annoying.
YANBU.

YANBU!!!

I knew a guy at University who, apparently, had once known a white girl who was (his words) a slag.

So, he felt compelled to shout SLAG at pretty much any white female he saw. Or Bitch. That was his other word of choice.

Nice guy.

It happens in every walk of life and should not be tolerated.

It's not a nice feeling, even when it's meant in a non offensive fashion. - acutally, sometimes, it's worse when it's not even meant to be offensive? When the person doesn't realise they are being offensive?

chegirl, very funny, lol!!!

Really odd. YANBU.

I live in London - Croydon to be precise - which perhaps makes it all the more shameful. I probably shouldn't even start on how the same person at the playgroup started telling me how interested I would be in a sing-a-long CD they had because one of the singers was a Caribbean* singer!

*Note to those that may not be aware - I'm from nowhere near the Caribbean! Unless my country of origin in West Africa has somehow magically uprooted itself and made its way through the North Atlantic Ocean all the way over to the Caribbean Sea ...

how odd
i live in a predominantly white, rural area and still couldnt imagine this happening!

YANBU

This is so strange!

I live in Croydon as well. Maybe if it was an area predominated by one ethnicity. I used to live in a very white middle-class area where this ignorant assumption would be more commonplace.

This isn't about social areas, it's about individual sterotypes.

I lived in Bradford many years ago and you would, literally, get hissed down the street for wearing shorts / t-shirt (even though I'm white).

I've been called a slag / bitch / whore just for being white.

It's not right, but it happens in every walk of life. I think each individual has to take resposibity for their own actions.

Some people are just idiots, aren't they?

I've noticed that if I'm at a bar or till and a man is nearby somehow I become invisible as the staff assume I'm his partner, and deal with him, even if I was there first.

Usually, of course, the bloke in question has the decency to point out that we're not together, and I'm ahead of him.

Sometimes he doesn't. I deal with this by loudly asking them if I've 'gone invisible'. Usually gets the message across. ;)

YANBU at all!

I am white but not British. Often when my nationality comes up, somebody will say "oh, I know somebody who lives in your country, do you know him?". Strangely, so far, this has never been the case...

Thankfully, my situation lacks the racist angle, so grrrr and for you, OP!

This happens to me a lot.I am asian husband is white (posh)even if we are waiting for a table at a restaurant people often ask if we are together.If we are both at work dressesd up as lawyers it doesnt happen.

Shocking behaviour you are definately not being unreasonable.

I would be fuming, Croydon from the times I have been there have been mixed cultures so I am shocked.

I can't believe in todays society that people are so stupid and ignorant, its really quite scary, when I went to school in London I went to a school or all mixes, when I moved to Wiltshire (was 14) there was 1 black child in the school and no asians, I couldn't believe the comments from my peers.

I had grown up never to notice colour/race/religion we lived in a mixed area, it still shocks me now, luckly the town I live in has changed and is more balanced culturely but its never acceptable in my mind someones careless comments about sex/race/colour/religion are all equal and should be treated the same way.