To think that all because there are other black women in the room ...

[Asana]

... does not automatically mean that we know each other/came together?

I was at a baby playgroup today and arrived later than usual. There were two other black women in the room with their children. After a few minutes, one of the organisers came up to me and said that my friend had been asking about the group/how it works etc. I told her that I wasn't sure whom she was referring to, given that I didn't know anyone there this week. She then said to me, "Oh, I mean your friend over there. Didn't you arrive together?" When I told her we didn't as I had only just arrived, she said that she thought I and the two other women had come in together and knew each other. It later transpired that the other two women didn't know each other either, nor had they arrived at the same time and, up until that point, none of us had so much as uttered a word to each other. This leads me to wonder why oh why she automatically assumed that we were friends.

At an 02 shop last week, all the sales reps were sitting down with customers, so I decided to patiently wait in line. Sitting at the desk in front of me were a male sales rep and a female customer, who was black. A woman came into the shop with her daughter and we got to talking (usual random chat about the weather etc). When the male sales rep in front of me finished with his customer, he went to the main desk and asked who was next. The woman went straight to the desk and started asking him about the mobile phone deals they were currently advertising. I spoke up and told her that I was first and had been waiting for some time. As she didn't seem to hear me, her daughter re-iterated what I'd just said. She looked back at me and said, "Oh, I thought you were with the lady that just left. I'll be done soon." And she proceeded to turn around and continue her conversation with the rep.

This happens more times than I would care to admit and it really gets my goat. AIBU to be annoyed at these assumptions and say to people that do this (with a sardonic raised eyebrow like so ), "Not all black people know each other or are directly related, you know ..." ?

Riven, now why didn't i think of that...

YANBU but to play devil's advocate maybe she thought you would feel more comfortable being with another black lady.

I lived in Croydon once. For about 6 hours. I ran away in the middle of the night.

True, shrieking, but most people at least attempt to engage brain before opening mouth.

I used to live in London and every time I went on holiday people would ask me 'oh, do you know so-and-so'. Yeah, I know every single one of the 7m people who share my city (think population is even more now)...

But that's not quite as bad as assuming all black people travel round in packs!

YANBU - I can't believe people could be so idiotic. Must be very annoying for you!!

YANBU at all. To me this is a subtle but somehow "acceptable" form of racism and is totally outrageous.

YANBU Asana - cringeworthy. Have to say (as a Croydonite) I am also wondering what playgroup it was as I will be joining one soon and would like to give that one a wide berth

YANBU - that is outrageous!

I am mixed raced (British/Caribbean) and have had 'What?! You don't like Reggae music? Or Rice and Peas?!' which I find quite bizarre. Er... no, just because my father was born in the Caribbean doesn't automatically mean I am into all things Jamaican.'

Bloody hell OP am [shocked] for you. Next time, reverse the tables and pair them up with another person with similar looks/background/shoes (!), how bloody rude.

Haha, I know exactly what you're talking about! "Oh, so you're Iranian? There's another Iranian person here, Ahmen, you know him?" or "You're Dad's from Iran? Awesome, does he know the [Turkish!!] guys in the kebabby? Can he get us free chips?"

yanbu

reminds me of our ante natal classes. there a black lady there on her own, an asian couple and a handful of white couples. the midwife kept saying "our asian ladies often like this" or "our african ladies often like that" it was very cringeworthy.

had to smile when the black lady in a heavy regional accent just replied "im from wolverhampton..."

YANBU!

radstar...briliant.

I once went to a parish council meeting where a lady came up to me and asked how my father was. I looked her up and down and decided that I didn't know her and the chances of her knowing my father (who lived at the opposite side of the country) were somewhat remote. So I politely replied that he was fine but how did she know him? Turned out she'd assumed my "father" was a man of the right age and Asian appearance (I'm half Asian) who'd been to the previous council meeting ...

How ridiculous! YANBU.

It's a bit like when Americans assume you know the Queen if you're British (no offence to any Americans intended!!)

I did say to one Iranian family I knew that we had another set of Iranian friends with a ds starting school at the same time as their dd and my ds. But not in a 'you must know X' kind of way, just in a vaguely 'you might be interested' kind of way, given we don't actually have many Iranian people round here (actually I think those two families are what newspapers always call 'the X community').

And at least I knew both families were Iranian, rather than merely assuming two families of vaguely middle-Eastern appearance must know each other!

YANBU OP and a lot of other people on here.

But people see what they want: when people are introduced to me or my sister by the other one, they almost always announce they can see the resemblance (don't you look alike?!). The fact that we're different races doesn't seem to occur to them. (Oddly, having grown up in the same house, we do look slightly alike...)

(The other thing black women get is "don't you look like Tina Turner/ Witney Houston/ Oprah / Mel B... and so on. )

Hideous and hilarious at the same time, this thread. Obviously, very bloody annoying for you OP, YANBU!
How can people be so... dim?!

Asana, I'm shocked by both your stories. I can't imagine the first story happening at a group locally to me, a very mixed area of London, but then I'm astonished that someone can still think that in Croydon. Did you say anything at the time?

The woman in the phone shop may just be incredibly rude, or she may be racist and rude, or she might have said that thinking it would somehow justify her rudeness (not that it does) by pretending she'd made a mistake when challenged.

edam: We've had that too, which is alright when the familes are nice iyswim? We were once introduced to Iranian neighbours of a family friend who had just moved over here. They were arseholes and the kids were bullies, only met them the once thankfully!

Met quite a few lovely Iranian's who've moved over here from my junior school who asked my Dad to write letters out in Farsi as the parent's didn't speak English well.

One thing I do love is when Mideasterner's are chatting to me and realise I'm half-Iranian by my facial features (coughbignosecough) that one always entertains me

Ooh, I'd never noticed a big nose think, will look at my friends at school pick up and report back!

thing

lol chaoica - dh alwaya gets Will Smith or simon fron Blue. Nothing like eiher of em

excuse the typos - one handed typing as just burnt my hand