To think that all because there are other black women in the room ...

[Asana]

... does not automatically mean that we know each other/came together?

I was at a baby playgroup today and arrived later than usual. There were two other black women in the room with their children. After a few minutes, one of the organisers came up to me and said that my friend had been asking about the group/how it works etc. I told her that I wasn't sure whom she was referring to, given that I didn't know anyone there this week. She then said to me, "Oh, I mean your friend over there. Didn't you arrive together?" When I told her we didn't as I had only just arrived, she said that she thought I and the two other women had come in together and knew each other. It later transpired that the other two women didn't know each other either, nor had they arrived at the same time and, up until that point, none of us had so much as uttered a word to each other. This leads me to wonder why oh why she automatically assumed that we were friends.

At an 02 shop last week, all the sales reps were sitting down with customers, so I decided to patiently wait in line. Sitting at the desk in front of me were a male sales rep and a female customer, who was black. A woman came into the shop with her daughter and we got to talking (usual random chat about the weather etc). When the male sales rep in front of me finished with his customer, he went to the main desk and asked who was next. The woman went straight to the desk and started asking him about the mobile phone deals they were currently advertising. I spoke up and told her that I was first and had been waiting for some time. As she didn't seem to hear me, her daughter re-iterated what I'd just said. She looked back at me and said, "Oh, I thought you were with the lady that just left. I'll be done soon." And she proceeded to turn around and continue her conversation with the rep.

This happens more times than I would care to admit and it really gets my goat. AIBU to be annoyed at these assumptions and say to people that do this (with a sardonic raised eyebrow like so ), "Not all black people know each other or are directly related, you know ..." ?

beeny, are you actually lawyers or do you just dress up as lawyers?

Asana, I have had people in the United States ask me if I know Paddy Murphy. Or any of the other forty people who inhabit this little island.

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. It sounds bloody annoying!

I'm Irish and sometimes when I'm out and there is another Irish person there you get someone almost trying to push you together saying, "Oh come over here and meet so and so, she's Irish!"...

I know people are being friendly but just because we are both from the same country does not mean that we are going to get along like a house on fire or have anything in common or even want to talk to each other.

Its always a little embarassing and awkward.

Never assume I say!

snort @ chegirl. Your post reminds me of when I was at college many aeons ago and a white woman in my tutorial group who lived with a man whose origins were Caribbean told my black friend that she ought to listen to reggae music to get in touch with her roots. She was born in Nigeria

OP - YANBU. How very annoying for you. I would be fuming. Depressing to know that sweeping racial stereotypes still exist in Croydon. Move to Kilburn - it's much nicer here

devotion - that used to happen to me loads when I live in LA, I'd go to parties and people would say 'oh you must meet X, she is also from England!' Oh hurrah. And that's obviously who I want to meet when I've moved 8000 miles away from the sodding place

ha ha

why do people do it?

YANBU at all, its very silly people jumping to conculsions like that. Not all white people know each other you woul not say that to them would you!

I am that this happened in Croydon, which is a very mixed area (I live here too).
Must admit I am now wondering which playgroup it was, as well (you don't have to name and shame on here....)
Though I do think it's a kind of generalized social faux pas rather than racially-motivated (having on occasion been shoved at the only other SINGLE person in the room as obviously we would both be gagging to talk about dating agencies and our miserable lonely lives...)

Oh my god. That is so jaw-droppingly rude - especially the customer in the O2 shop! How did she not hide her face and run out of the shop? I would have been utterly bloody mortified. YANBU at all.

hey devotion, so you must know reservejudgement
I also loled at dressed up as lawyers - do you think they're actors for those daytime "accident claim" ads?
I'm ginger - no-one has ever assumed I know or am related to another one Although there was another girl at university who looked nothing like me but had the same hair colour and people always got us mixed up. I was delighted as she was slim and pretty - not sure how she felt!

YANBU, that was pretty rude.

I imagine that it was more a social ineptitude more than racism tbh.

I have lived abroad for most of adult life and if I could have Euro for each time that someone has said to me, 'Oh, you are from Scotland, where in Scotland, do you know Hamish MacTavish/Jeanie MacGeevie...'

LOL at dressing up as lawyers. I am dressed up as a SAHM today.

I am dressed as a student (dressing gown!)
can see today being a lazy one...

I'm not dressed at all

YANBU that would be annoying.

NorthernMumtobe my (white) friend went to Bradford uni and she had exactly the same experience there

YANBU. The woman in the O2 shop was bloody rude I think the woman at the group was just bloody dim!

Sort of reminds me when I was uni. My Dad is Spanish, so had a Spanish surname (I'm married now).

I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I had an email from the International Students committee asking me if I wanted to attend a workshop, to improve my English .

I sent them an email back asking them did they send that email to everyone with a foreign sounding surname? I never got a reply...

I also had the usual people asking me if I knew Juan Hernandez or Maria Sierra in such and such a place. Yes like I know every Spanish person in Britain!!!

YANBU at all.
Rude and bizarre.

Dressing up is actually dressing up as both wear suits and wigs and gowns in court.I am sahm at the moment so wear tesco pyjamas.Ihave air stewards on planes look at me shocked if i have said we dont want tea or coffee and then ask husaband again.

I have noticed this from time to time and it is rude OP.

I think the woman in the phone shop was really rude,

DSs school rang me to ask if I'd need a translator for his target setting meeting, which was thoughtful, except that I get my complicated foreign name from DH (who wouldn't need it either given that he was born in North London) The lady who rang apologised, and was rather sheepish but I suppose at least they were making an effort although randomly ringing every student with a non-english name seems somewhat haphazard.

YANBU, but it isn't just racial.

I often get asked if I know so and so who lives in Sydney...there are almost 5 million people in Sydney!

Happens if there is more than one Aussie in the room as well.

Doesn't make what happened to you any less bizarre though, people are just weird.

ah, that does sound like proper dressing up
Not sure what you mean about the tea and coffee - is it that they assumed you wouldn't understand the question?

Bloody hell beeny how do you restrain yourself from violence?!

I was once waitressing on an American group in England. When they found out I was from Scotland 'mom and pop' had the following conversation:

"do you remember that guy from Glasgow we met here last time in London, oooh, what was his name"

"oh it was Jock, do you know Jock from Glasgow"?

Laurie, someone in Minnesota once asked me if I knew 'Sue from Manchester'.

Turned out I did! They were very pleased to get back in touch.