Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think it is rude not to send a thank you card for a wedding gift?

33 replies

SqueezyIsBackToBlack · 12/11/2009 14:35

Gave quite a big wedding gift about 2 months ago to a couple we are friends with. The wedding was about 6 weeks ago. Have seen them since and no thank you card?

AIBU to think this is very rude?

OP posts:

Hassled · 12/11/2009 14:37

It is rude. Not thanking people for presents is always rude, IMO.

Lulumama · 12/11/2009 14:38

maybe they are waiting for special thakn you cards to be printed? i think if a tahnk you has not arrived after 6 weeks, it is rude

SlartyBartFast · 12/11/2009 14:39

do they have children?

if not, they have more time than those who do.

preggersplayspop · 12/11/2009 14:40

Yes I think its very rude (but give them a bit of time to come back down to earth and get organised etc). Having said that I was having a clear out a couple of years after my wedding and found a stack of cards I had forgotten to send . Mortified.

Bathsheba · 12/11/2009 14:40

It is rude generally...however I sat here for a while tutting at an old school friend whose wedding I had attended and received nothing - she then contacted me about a year after her wedding to tell me that 2 weeks after her wedding her elderly mother had died and, TBH, knowing how close they are and how much she had cared for her over the years (her mum seemed ALWAYS to have been elderly, and I've known this girl since I was 8) I understood that it wasn;t her priority...

So, in some cases yes, very rude however in other cases, understandable and certainly forgivable

SlartyBartFast · 12/11/2009 14:41

or perhaps they are combining it with christmas cards?
i know i did

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 12/11/2009 14:44

I know i'm going to be in the minority, but I have never in my life sent a thank-you card, and I don't know anybody that has!

Oh, correction, we did receive one card saying thank you for a wedding gift, but that's the only one ever!

Original poster

SqueezyIsBackToBlack · 12/11/2009 14:45

They have one child but I can't think of any reason that they couldn't have sent one out yet. When we got married our cards were sent out after about a month but we told people that was because I was making them etc.

It's not that I'm militant about getting one. I just think it's either polite or the done thing, especially when we spent so much time choosing, buying and delivering their gift to them. Just feels a bit

OP posts:

GrungeBlobPrimpants · 12/11/2009 14:49

It is rude not to do this for any gift, I think. Six weeks is long enough I'd have thought.

woozlet · 12/11/2009 14:50

It took me 6 or 7 weeks to get our thank you cards out. I had 85 thank you cards to write and a 5 month old, so it took me ages cos I wanted to write a bit about each gift etc.

YouCantTeuchThis · 12/11/2009 14:52

I hate it as you don't know whether they received the gift, if it got mixed up at the wedding (notorious problem) or what!

We are militant 'thank you' writers and it takes a whole load of time, but people spend time and money buying a gift - a few words of thanks on a card or even by phone/email/smoke signals - it's not a lot to ask!

bogie · 12/11/2009 14:53

It is rude I would always send one out...... But I don't think I would notice if someone didn't send me one.

KurriKurri · 12/11/2009 14:57

I wrote thank you letters to everyone who gave us wedding gifts. Unfortunately I gave them to DH to post. They were discovered three years and one child later, in the pocket of his old duffle coat. Bizarrely No-one mentioned not receiving a letter,all too polite .

I hasten to add I did rewrite all the letters and apologise for the 'delay'.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 12/11/2009 14:57

[total novice]

It's DS's 2nd birthday coming up. Should I be writing thank you cards to everyone that sends him a present?

seriously, what's the etiquette here, what events demands thank you cards (obviously wedding gifts) and what don't?

Original poster

SqueezyIsBackToBlack · 12/11/2009 15:06

I wouldn't expect thank you cards for anything except probably a wedding gift as it tends to be more expensive and it's just nice for the couple to say thanks for coming to the wedding, the gift etc.

I wouldn't send or expect them for Christmas or birthdays at all. I suppose everyone is different though as my MIL sends them every time she gets a gift.

OP posts:

YouCantTeuchThis · 12/11/2009 15:10

We send thank you for all the kids gifts - we get them involved and, when they are old enough, they will write them themselves.

I don't get thank you cards from everyone else for birthdays and, tbh, I don't really care as long as it is acknowledged verbally by parent or child.

January is a fecker as we have dec/jan birthdays and christmas...bad family planning

lambanana · 12/11/2009 15:11

I dont know whether there should be a time limit.

You get one - polite

You don't get one - rude

hebdenhedgehog · 12/11/2009 15:13

A real pain to do, esp if loads as after a wedding, but as YCTT says it is polite to do so if people can be bothered to send you a gift then should really be grateful enough to thank someone for it/ them.

Gifts from DD friends always get thank yous asap after the party, the longer you leave it the worse it is.

As it happens, we're still waiting for thank you's from my sister & BIL whose wedding was 2 months ago. She too has young DD (well, 2yo) but I reckon 2 months is about long enough?! We'll be getting job lot thanks from christmas and wedding in January at this rate!

mrsshackleton · 12/11/2009 15:20

stars

If you say thank you face to face for a child's birthday present fine, but if - say - presents are opened after the party or they arrive in the post you should write a card/quick note/send email at very least. Two minutes per card. When I'm not thanked I never know if the present got lost or not.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 12/11/2009 15:22

mrsshackleton - good point.

thanks, and I'm not an idiot - honest!

emsyj · 12/11/2009 15:25

It took me ages to send our thank you cards out as we had moved house weeks before the wedding and were up to our eyes in it - also had very little time off work due to starting a new job 5 weeks before the wedding. I do think it's rude not to send one, but I don't think 6 weeks is a realistic time limit. A lot of people have them printed with a wedding picture on and that can take a while to sort out. Give them a chance - also be aware post services are to cock at the moment (and often more generally). One of our invitations never arrived and at least one thank you card (that I know of) didn't arrive either - wasn't a case of our failure to send, just Royal Mail's failure to deliver. So it might have got caught up in the post.

Quote: "do they have children?

if not, they have more time than those who do."

Um, of course - because those without children have empty lives and long, languid days of doing nothing.... what a ridiculous thing to say. The amount of time you have depends on many things, not just whether you have children.

spiralqueen · 12/11/2009 15:50

YANBU - I also hate those (usually) pre-printed cards that say "Janet & John thank you for your wedding gift". So you have no idea if they actually have any idea what you got them, and now that so many people ask for vouchers/cash it's nice to know that they got something nice/useful with it.

I did take a few months to get all ours out (about 130) but I did write a personalised letter to everyone telling them why we had wanted the item/what use we were putting it to and saying how much it had meant to have them there with us. I also sent letters to those people that didn't give us a gift to thank them for being with us on the day.

emsyj I agree with you on the whole about the children thing but it's a bit different when they're under one as mine and woozlet's were at the time

meltedchocolate · 12/11/2009 15:56

Be patient, maybe one is coming, mine took about three months to arrive but in my deffense i was VERY pregnant and hand delivered them

Grendle · 12/11/2009 16:09

Yes, it is rude. But there may be a good reason. One of the thank you cards that we sent after our wedding was delivered over 12 months later by Royal Mail . The person in question told us because she thought it was a giggle and couldn't work out what we were thnaking her for until she looked at the postmark which was for a few weeks after the wedding.

These days it takes me ages to send thank you cards, as life is so hectic . I do get there in the end though.

girlywhirly · 12/11/2009 16:22

I wondered why we had heard no thanks for friends wedding present, it turned out they sent everyone photo cards, and the photographers were slow getting them done! The time scale fits. They did mention correctly the gift we gave them in the hand-written note in the card.

If you hear nothing at all months after the event, it is rude, especially if it has been posted/couriered by those unable to attend the wedding. Nothing wrong with a quick call/email/text to say a parcel had arrived safely, but will open after the wedding. Then send a proper thank you.

Flip

1 2