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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some people have NT dcs and still begrudge parents of children with SN a few extra pounds.

87 replies

posieparker · 09/11/2009 17:40

I am very lucky all my children, so far, have perfect health and normal behaviour patterns. I couldn't care less if the family down the road got £20k per week to help with their daughter who has sn because I'm sure they'd rather have less money and a daughter who didn't suffer.

What's wrong with people?

OP posts:
tasmaniandevilchaser · 09/11/2009 19:15

where is this other thread?

sarah293 · 09/11/2009 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

groundhogs · 09/11/2009 21:09

I am so, so sad about that other thread. That OP was the vilest I've seen so far.

Here's hoping Karma really bites that one on her arse.

Glitterknickaz · 09/11/2009 21:11

s'gorn....

dilemma456 · 09/11/2009 21:19

Message withdrawn

PacificDogwood · 09/11/2009 21:20

Good riddance to bad rubbish.
It was very offensive and unnecessary. It was perfectly obvious that the OP on the other thread was not looking for other people's opinions...
Grrrr!

chegirl · 09/11/2009 21:20

Oh great, just what everyone needs to make them feel that little bit better

I have told that if I spent a bit more time curing my child's condition and less time filling out forms to make money out of him.....

My son's physical needs are mild, his LDs are apparently far more serious than we first thought (its becoming apparent right now ). My OH gets DLA and we get the disabled component of TC and we were able to claim the maternity grant because of this.

I have been told we are lucky.

Fuck off, I want my OH to be fit and healthy again and I want my DS to have the relatively easy life his siblings can look forward to.

You can keep the money. We used to earn quite enough for all of us.

As the thread has gone, what did it say?

BetsyBoop · 09/11/2009 21:22

I'm glad the other thread was pulled, the OP was vile

But the OP of the vile thread had the answer in her own hands - if it's such a fantastic "gravy train" why does she not adopt/foster a SN child herself? She can get the "rewards" too then..."walk a mile in their shoes" & all that...

Me, I'm just eternally grateful to have two NT children & hope & pray it stays that way. I'm also glad to be living in a country where most people want to support the more vulnerable in society, and I am more than happy for my taxes to be spent in this way.

I'm sure when the midwife says "it's a boy/girl" ever mother's first thought is "does he/she have SN, so I can get more money?" NOT... FFS some people....

mummyofevilprincesses · 09/11/2009 21:28

This thread has made me cry.
I am fucking furious so cross at the op of the other thread. I have never seen anything so nasty and small minded and she should be deeply ashamed. I hope she has name-changed back and is reading these posts and starting to realise just how wrong she is.

mummyofevilprincesses · 09/11/2009 21:28

oops my striking didn't strike. I still feel like that tho.

Jux · 09/11/2009 21:37

Didn't see the other thread. Some people are appalling. She didn't even have the guts to use her real nickname, I gather? Cowardly as well.

The whole thing is quite disgusting. Glad it was pulled.

for all of you who were affected by it.

adriennemole · 09/11/2009 21:47

I found that other thread deeply upsetting as I have just sent my first DLA form off today for DS.
DH and I found it difficult to fill in as not only does it want pages and pages of information (which is fair enough) but it is focusing on all the negatives about your child which is hard for any parent to acknowledge, who wants to look at the negatives when you have such a wonderful child .

shockers · 09/11/2009 22:01

That is the worst part. You have to think about the bad days. I hate filling in those forms and would give anything to not have to.
I have felt incredibly angry this evening but also reassured by the overwhelming reaction to the thread.

2shoes · 09/11/2009 22:13

sadly as ths cowardly op of the other thread, hid behind a namechange, she/he/it could be anyone on mn

purpleduck · 09/11/2009 22:14

Didn't see the other thread...

My nephew (sisters child) and my neice (brothers child) were born 8 months apart. My nephew got meningitis at ten days old, and ended up brain damaged.

It was a very upsetting time - nobody knew if he would be "ok" and fully recover, or be left with paralysis - we didn't know.
I still remember my SIL being upset because there was so much focus on my sisters child, rather than hers.

Like the itsy bitsy bit of "attention" my sister got was any sort of compensation.
Selfish!

Meglet · 09/11/2009 22:16

The other thread was pathetic, ignorant shit stirring.

My dc's are NT, but I'm glad that we live in a country where children with SN can have extra money to pay for their essentials. Although I daresay its not nearly enough to cover everything .

nothollyhunter · 09/11/2009 22:35

dh & I have been putting off filling in ds' DLA application for 6 weeks now ... very traumatic form, makes it all the more real

Guess we're not taking full advantage of thr financial rewards that having a child with disabilities brings

DH was made redundant (I'm sure related to the amount of time off he needs for ds's medical needs - can't prove it though) - we're already £1000s out of pocket for ds' therapies & will probably lose our house. My career has ended. We're laughing all the way to the bank

katsh · 09/11/2009 22:55

Sounds like the other thread was appalling. I've recently filled in the DLA form, and agree that it is horrendous. I'm a lawyer by training,and should be able to form fill, but found it so upsetting that it took me weeks to get it together. I am thinking of writing to my MP to raise my concerns about the hurdles that people already under a great deal of pressure have to overcome in order to get this financial help. Has anyone else ever made any sort of complaint about the nature of the form?

katsh · 09/11/2009 22:56

Sorry should have clarified, I filled in the form for my dd. Total time from form arrival to in the post - 3 months.

drlove8 · 09/11/2009 23:00

id rather have dd4 without her disabilities , and she is mild compared to most of you (i think)...her dla is just that ....HER`S , not a hand out..its there because she needs a little extra to fund her essentials that she would not need had she been NT . CAR SEAT nt child £50- 250.... CAR seat sn child £ 420-489 .... buggy -NT CHILD £16- £200 BUGGY sn child £ 200+
bed nt child £100 -£300 . bed sn child £2000+
not to mention extra wear and tear and destruction , and cost of giving up work to care for dd4 full time.
is it just me but is the words SPECIAL NEEDS seen as a excuse for eccesive price hikes...

LyraSilvertongue · 09/11/2009 23:07

Can someone give a summary of what the OP said on the other thread (if it's not too upsetting)? I expect she got a pasting in response?

SparklyGothKat · 09/11/2009 23:13

I avoided posting on the other thread apart from a

I have 2 disabled children with mild/modarate CP, DD1 also has ADHD and learning disabilities, we don't know if she will be able to go to a mainstream secondary school in 2011, she is due her secondary school tranfer EP assessment in april. Ds1 has modarate CP and in mainstream secondary school, but we had to fight to get him into a school suitable for his needs as he doesn't have a Statement.

DD1's DLA is up for review in june, so I am waiting for the forms to come through the door in the next month or 2. I hate the forms but know it has to be done.

Dd1's legs have tighten up a lot recently and she is having spasms now.

I would give it all back to have them 'normal'

BTW I had another 2 kids after Ds1 and Dd1, I should be shot...

SparklyGothKat · 09/11/2009 23:15

lyra

Basically she said that we shouldn't get extra money for having SN kids, that we shouldn't have more kids while claiming an extra £60 a week DLA, and that we are all living the life of riley

glastocat · 09/11/2009 23:24

The OP on the other thread is a fucking brain dead idiot. All you parents of SN children should just ignore ignore ignore. Anyone with any sense really doesn't think like that, IME. Fuck sake, that thread has really pissed me off, and I only have one NT child. If I was PM, you'd be getting more than 60 quid a week, and I know many parents of SN kids who get fuck all.

choosyfloosy · 09/11/2009 23:25

Katsh - of course people, especially politicians, complain about the DLA form. They complain that DLA is so easy to get that we are all lolling about on chaises longues eating grapes to the sound of serfs playing harps. I have no doubt at all that many people would put dh in this category, that is when they are not talking about 'schizos' or 'psychos' and thinking people like him should be locked up for public safety.

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