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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be utterly depressed about turning 30...???

79 replies

mummee09v · 09/11/2009 11:01

i turn the dreaded 30 in a few days and i am so bloody miserable about it.

its a fact that everythings just gonna go downhill from now on. my looks, my figure, my health, my career opportunities. i have been looking in the mirror lately and thinking i look rough. i am really into fashion but i am now starting to worry i am too old for a lot of stuff. i used to sing in a rock band but haven't bothered since my DC2 was born earlier this year coz i think i am too old for it. i have never had a career as such coz i flitted from job to job in my early 20's then have been at home with the kids since mid 20's. and now i just feel like a boring housewife. getting older is shit.

please someone kick my arse and give me some positives. i ought to be grateful, i have 2 great kids, a great fiancee (who i am treating like shit at the minute coz i am so down) and some good friends. but i am just trapped in this gloom hole that i can't climb out of.

OP posts:

Morloth · 09/11/2009 11:16

30s are excellent, old enough to know what you want and young enough to enjoy it!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/11/2009 11:20

YABVU. You've already listed a great number of positives. You have two great children a great fiancee and some good friends. you've already done the hard part and had the kids, my dd diddn't turn up until I was 37, she is a delight but bloody hell, when you are 45 years old, living somewhere you don't want to live with no family and nothing in common with most of the other mum's in dd's class, you'll have something to moan about.
You aren't too old to retrain as something which would interest you, if you are concerned that you are overweight you can lose it and you are able to judge if wearing a certain outfit is unsuitable.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/11/2009 11:25

If your DCs are little, I can see why you might be feeling a bit in the doldrums, because parenting is so all-consuming and it's easy to sort of "lose yourself" for a while. But it gets better. You have a good foundation there.

Get some time for yourself, start singing again - you are NOT too old and it will keep you in touch with who you are inside. Try and do some exercise that you enjoy and you can start to feel more in touch with your body again. You have years to find a job you are going to like, and will have gained loads of skills from being a mum.

I am 40 on Friday, and have never been happier.

LC200 · 09/11/2009 11:26

I was 30 in Feb and felt exactly the same, especially with the looks thing. I think around the birthday is quite hard, because you're thinking about it so much, but since my birthday's been and gone, I really don't worry so much about it.

OrmIrian · 09/11/2009 11:27

30? 30!!!??

Ha ha ha ha ha....

verytellytubby · 09/11/2009 11:28

I've been happier in my '30's. 30 is not old. I'm 36 and feel happy in my self and my life. I finally have all 3 at school and going to re-train and go back to work.

You listed some lovely positives. Focus on them. Don't get caught up on a number and waste some fantastic years.

foxytocin · 09/11/2009 11:28

yabu. the 30s are fantastic.

i turn 40 on thursday.

30andLurking · 09/11/2009 11:29

I hear ya...

Just before I turned 30 I got MASSIVELY introspective, and was comparing myself to my friends who have amazing careers/wardrobes/social lives/children etc etc It made me totally reassess everything I had and hadn't achieved, and not all of it was pretty.

BUT then I celebrated my birthday by going away with my DH and we just had SO much fun for a few days it reminded me of when we got together aged 19. Then a few of my oldest, closest friends came to visit and we had a completely impromptu evening of dancing around our sitting room, making cocktails and general arses of ourselves. Like being in our early 20s again, only with more confidence/a wee bit more cash/definitely more 'oh sod it' attitude.

I'm still thinking about some of the things I haven't achieved yet and want to, mainly on the jobs and babies front, but I feel like it's just a different decade of adventures, not better or worse.

And don't worry about being too old for fashion and music - Debbie Harry, Jo Whiley...

OrmIrian · 09/11/2009 11:29

BTW generally life gets better and better IME. You have to life more... carefully... maybe, there is more to consider, but life if richer and deeper.

teatank · 09/11/2009 11:30

agree with morloth i am 38 and love it. i think you have just lost your confidence since your ds was born and need to find it again. whos says your too old to sing in a rock if you want to do it.

HuwEdwards · 09/11/2009 11:31

depressed about turning 30?
I think you're nuts. Honestly.

Original poster

mummee09v · 09/11/2009 11:36

thank you ladies.x

kreecher - thats the thing, i am not overweight, i am very slim, and reasonably attractive (so i am told) but i am scared of losing my looks and figure as to be honest i sometimes feel they are the only things going for me.

i went back to uni and tried to retrain (as a nurse) a couple of years ago but lasted only a few months as found the coursework so hard plus was going through some problems with my love life then ended up pregnant with my dd anyway. i was quite clever at school i passed gcses and a levels, but i honestly feel my brain cells have died since having kids. so now i dont know what to do with myself. i do want to go to work but there isnt a lot about at the mo and i don't know what i want to to do.

and my home situation isnt great either, i'm in a private rented house in a shitty, crime filled area, which we have been served notice on anyway. we have got to be out in 2 months and we can't seem to find a half decent place that won't completely bankrupt us. so thats worrying me too.

i wanted to own a house by this time of my life but coz of how expensive it is to buy these days that isn't an option. i feel a bit of a failure to be honest, the only thing i seem to be any good at is popping kids out

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 09/11/2009 12:08

I would give the nurse training another go. I think you can start three times, although I am not advocating you drop out again. This time it sounds, housing aside, as if your life is more stable. I qualified years ago and it is a brilliantly portable job.

borderslass · 09/11/2009 12:09

wish I was 30 again I'm 39 next Thursday to close to 40 for my liking especially with hubby winding me up he's 52.

forehead · 09/11/2009 14:18

OP,i don't think that the problem is the fact that you are turning thirty, i think that the problem is that you are not happy with your life and turning 30 reminds you that you haven't achieved what you want to in life. Instead of getting down about this, be proactive. Enrol in a part time nursing course. When you start thinking positively, all aspects of your life will change. I say this a someone who retrained as a lawyer at the age of 28.
I am now 35 and actually look much better than i did 10 years ago.

Feierabend · 09/11/2009 14:24

YABU... 30 is still so young... I wish I was 30 again! I can't wait to be 40 now actually

Seededbiatch · 09/11/2009 14:28

I turned 30 earlier in the year, trust me, it's not bad, not bad at all.

You know nurses qualify for key worker housing? Worth looking into

RealityBites · 09/11/2009 14:28

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meltedchocolate · 09/11/2009 14:39

RealityBites - At twenty years old you think you know everything........??

TimeForMe · 09/11/2009 14:42

YABU! I am 45 today so be grateful!!

ineedalifelaundry · 09/11/2009 14:46

I think you should embrace your 30's as the decade you're going to start redefining your career and your self confidence. Leave behind the drift that your 20's became and start afresh.

By the way, I also drifted through most of my 20's. Since turning 30 I've trained as a teacher, bought my first house and had my first baby. 30 was a turning point for the better in my life, and I knew it would be, so i didn't mind the birthday one bit.

Can I also openly admit to looking forward to my 40's? My dd will be 6 when I'm 40, so we will be really having lots of fun as a family.

And remember - dirty thirties, naughty forties. I feel sexier than I ever did in my younger years

Hullygully · 09/11/2009 14:49

Try heading fast towards 50 you young trollope you

displayuntilbestbefore · 09/11/2009 14:50

I didn't have a problem with turning 30 but as I approached 31 I felt I was now going to be in my 30s and it made me feel a bit odd - but in fact I can say with absolutely honesty that your 30s are fantastic and I don't know why I was anxious! As another poster said, you're old enough to know what you want, you know who you are and have a much bigger degree of self confidence. Embrace your new decade and enjoy it - I'm closer to 40 than 30 now and I enjoy be a 30-something! You can't stop the years so you may as well enjoy them!

RealityBites · 09/11/2009 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/11/2009 14:51

foxtocin Happy Birthday to us, happy birthday to us, happy birthday dear u-us ......

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