to be utterly depressed about turning 30...???

[mummee09v]

i turn the dreaded 30 in a few days and i am so bloody miserable about it.

its a fact that everythings just gonna go downhill from now on. my looks, my figure, my health, my career opportunities. i have been looking in the mirror lately and thinking i look rough. i am really into fashion but i am now starting to worry i am too old for a lot of stuff. i used to sing in a rock band but haven't bothered since my DC2 was born earlier this year coz i think i am too old for it. i have never had a career as such coz i flitted from job to job in my early 20's then have been at home with the kids since mid 20's. and now i just feel like a boring housewife. getting older is shit.

please someone kick my arse and give me some positives. i ought to be grateful, i have 2 great kids, a great fiancee (who i am treating like shit at the minute coz i am so down) and some good friends. but i am just trapped in this gloom hole that i can't climb out of.

I have found my 30s so much better than my 20s. Yes as I've progressed through my 30s I've mourned my fab wrinkle free skin with invisible pores, but that's just superficial. I am a much happier person in my 30s, I'm more confident, more self assured, more everything... I'm sure that's why I didn't settle down with dh until I was 34... I was far too hung up and self absorbed in my 20s to even find a decent partner.

Now if we're talking 40s... that's another matter

YABU. Your issue isn't with being 30 but with the fact that you're not that happy with your life - and you're using the age thing as an excuse.

Rather try to take your 30th birthday as the start of something - you've got a good, well established life and family and now is the time to start thinking about what you want. 30 does not mean things are over, b ut it's a good time to thinka bout what you want to do next. Children, fiancee doesn't mean you have to now remain the same for the next 50 years.

happy birthday to us!

i've just turned 30 and feeling good about it - feel old enough to know what i want and make mostly the right decisions and young enough to have decades to do it in!

30's so much better for me than 20's.

Just felt more sorted, more sure, more relaxed, more happy. ad still looked hot!!!

Now nearly 40 even more sorted, realaxed and happy, slightly less hot, but not much!

I clicked intending to say yes, YABU. But perhaps you're not. However, turning 30's not so bad, honestly.

I just turned 40, I didn't have kids until late in my 30s (37 almost 38 and then 39) but much preferred my 30s to my 20s.

I think you should try and get back to singing.

How old is DC1? Do you feel ready to try and go back to work now, and what would you do for childcare? Might be worth looking at the nurse training, but find out about other options too. What sort of jobs were you flitting between before kids?

Good luck working out a plan, and hope you'll be looking back in a few years time at how great your 30s have been.

Says me who wants to change my life now at 40.

in what way elkie?
(Ignore that if it's personal)

OK everyone is making me depressed to live my twentys!

Am i really still going to be a self absorbed - know it all but dont actually know it all - not as happy as i can/will be - person for he next decade???

Great

I'm with Reality on this - at 30 you are just old enough to know you don't know it all, and still young enough to enjoy it.

Not so much 'stuck in the middle' - more 'let's go round again.'

So enjoy!

Oh,YABVU i turn 40 next year!! Sort of feeling the same way as you do really. I have gone from not feeling like a grown up, to feeling old without the self assured bit in between.

But really, tis just a number - i did my PhD when i was 31 and had DD2 when i was 35, she is just starting school and im looking for a job now - its an exciting time. Just have to pretend im not approaching the big 40.

At the risk of sounding like a pop psychologist (hi! My name's Linda Papadopoulos...), I don't think this sounds like it's really about your age, mummeeee, so much as your current life circumstances. All the posters who have written about how brilliant it is to be 30 are right - look are the least significant issue and as you age I hope you come to realise that.

But right now it sounds as though you feel trapped in a life that you didn't really want and can't see a way out. Am I going vaguely in the right direction with this?

if it is any consolation I found it much harder turning 30 than turning 40, just don't give a sh*t any more

and btw don't think looks fade after 30, after 40 well, it is another story but by heck what character and infinite cool I have now

oh yeah, and get back into the singing - a friend of mine is a few years older than me and really got into her singing in a big way, bought a guitar, taught herself to play it and prouduced an album!! She looks bloody fantastic too - mind you, she doesn't have any children! not sure what that says, but certainly not to old to enjoy it - she even makes money from it now. Not enough to quit her day job but its enough to know shes appreciated.

get a grip.

Try being 45!!! How the hell did that happen? I am sure I am still 26 really.

YANBU but 30s are fab. I felt a teeny bit like that but only because society values looks and beauty (youthfulness)above most other things. However, there are loads of famous celebs in their 30s who are just as popular as when they were 20s. In any case, you can't look young forever BUT you can always look good for your age with what you have been given.

What's the alternative to getting old, death? Staying the same age forever and not watching our kids grow up? If you live till 90 then 30 is still a baby really.

I have felt much happier about myself in my 30s. Can see through alot of things that I couldn't previously.

I think many people feel like this. Same with when they get their first grey hair or crows feet.

Linda, you are right. It's not about age, it's about being down .....

thanks everyone

your replies have made me see that its maybe not just the age thing.

i am not "trapped in a life i didnt want to be in" as someone suggested, i am happy to have my kids and fiancee, i wouldn't change them for anything.

but as i said there are certain things i am very dissatisfied with, ie not owning a home (i dont know why i am so obsessed with that but i always have been!!) and i feel i have no purpose in life other than being a mother, which i love but i feel i would get more fulfillment out of life if i did more.

i don't have any hobbies anymore, i used to do pilates and pole dancing classes as well but nowadays when it gets to the evening i just can't be bothered to go as i am so shattered. plus i feel guilty about leaving the kids with my fiancee even though he says he doesn't mind, i think he would because when i have had the (very rare) night out without him he makes "jokey" comments about me dumping the kids on him to go out. plus my son isnt his so that makes me feel bad too.

maybe i am not too old to go back to the singing, maybe its more of a (lack of) confidence thing. the thought of auditioning for a new band terrifies me. i used to be such a confident, sociable, outgoing person but these days i am shy and scared and don't think much of myself to be honest.

i don't know why i have changed so much. 3 years ago i had just split up with my twat of an ex husband after years of unhappiness and had a new lease of life, i was happy, was just about to start my nurse training, i felt sexy, brave and confident and loved my life. it felt like the world was my oyster. i want that carefree, fun girl back.

god i cant believe what a can of worms this has opened.

You can have that carefree, fun girl back - it sound like there's a lot to tackle and so the best approach would be to take it one step at a time rather than trying to climb the whole mountain. If I were you I'd start with the thing that would boost my mojo - singing is definitely it! Just start with singing around your home, then sing with your kids around the streets - you'll feel self-conscious at first but it will soon become normal and you'll be delighted by other people's positive responses as well. Just build things up gradually - don't think about joining a band now, just get back into the swing of singing and of practising and enjoying your voice.

Then once regular singing has lifted your mood you can think about trying to join a singing group if you'd rather not expose yourself as a soloist just yet. And then perhaps you can also look at the other aspects of your life that are not as you want them to be.

YABU - get off your pity pot and go out and enjoy the best decade of your life! No longer holding the insecurities of your 20's i think yo finally love the skin you are in in your 30's. And how fab that you are a young mum with kids already born. I know of many friends in mid to late 30s desperately trying to start a family.

30's rock.

OP you sound very unhappy, I agree with some of the others that it isn't the age you are going to be that bothers you, more what you think is missing in your life.

You should definitely try and carry on with your singing, I know its hard when you have kids but it will be worth it!!

Good luck!!!

Oh and I am 28 and especially with two small children taking their toll I am already worried about losing my looks!!! I do think society values youth and beauty so is it any wonder us girls feel the way we do??

My mum always said that her 30th was really hard and hated it, I couldn't understand that and actaully I always looked forward to turning 30. I saw women in their 30s as being far more interesting than 20 somethings, still attractive still young but stronger and more forthright.
I turned 30 this year and really got irritated by all the "ooh, the big 3 0 coming...." comments, I was looking forward to it.
But actually, I hate it. Its not that I feel old, I reckon I've got anpther 20 years til I feel old but its a strange thing, it suddenly hit me that I am in a different stage of life. I'm not 20 something anymore and I dont quite feel comfortable yet in this age bracket.
Maybe its more to do with suddenly feeling like I look older - I think I've aged a LOT this past year or so and I'm starting to feel invisible. Also things like music - I listen to the same sort of stuff I listened to 5, 10 years ago but now I feel like one of those old duffers trying to keep up with the youngsters, I'm not but I feel like it could look like that, like I'm not quite entitled to like the same stuff as a 20yo.
Maybe its just a period of adjustment but I really do feel pretty irrelevant. 18yo hairdressers and shop assistants are doing that thing that I used to do- looking straight through me. Ach, its the way of the world, its natural but it feels like its all happened quite suddenly, coinciding with turning 30.
I may seek solace in alcohol, like all respectable grown ups.

jeremyvile you have perfecty summed up one of the main things i get depressed about to do with getting older

ie the feeling invisible and not knowing whether you are too old for certain things (ie certain kinds of music and fashion etc) and having "young people" think you are old (coz i know at 18 i thought anyone over 25 was way past it), yet deep down you don't actaully "feel" any different to when you were 18.

what kind of music are you into?? i am into rock and feel practically ancient at gigs and rock clubs!!!

30's are great, wish I could do it all again, I turn 40 in Jan!