to think that 5 is too young for after-school playdates?

[Pendulum]

I'm not talking about meeting up with ol, "known them since 6 months old" friends, but rather about "DD seems to be making a new friend at school, better have them over to play" occasions.

Left to my own devices it wouldn't have occurred to me to start these so early, but DD has been invited to other people's houses a number of times so naturally I have invited these children back.

On almost every occasion the child and DD have disagreed over what to play with and retreated to different parts of the house, leaving me to flit between them giving DD swift kicks up the backside pep talks about how to behave with guests, and jollying along the friend (usually a virtual stranger) so she doesn't get too freaked out. I often get the feeling that DD would actually prefer to be on her own although she claims not to want the friend to leave at the end.

So -AIBU to think that they are a bit young for this type of socialising, especially after school when they are tired? I wonder how many of us are doing it so that our DCs don't get left out, rather than because they actually enjoy these occasions.

I had the same thing...I still dont like these times and my DD is 6 now.

To be honest I think it's a thing they HAVE to do to socialse them...it would not have occurred to me either...but DD got invited and I had to invite back. I make sure there are plenty of crafty things for them to do which seem to help/

I think it depends on the culture within the school, and whether the child is a first or second child.

With DD1, we lived in a large town. We never did playdates, most people just arranged to meet up at the local soft play after school.

Now, we live in a village in the sticks. There is no soft play within a 10 mils radius, and a few afterschool clubs but that's it. Playdates are pretty much the main after school activity here. DD1 usually has one each week, and she also goes out to play in the streets with friends one night a week (in summer - too dark at the moment).

Because DD2 (3) sees DD1 (6) asking for friends to come over to play, she asks to do the same thing too. So yes, DD2 has had playdates after nursery. Sometimes the parent comes, sometimes not... but they play very nicely.

Different circumstances, different desire I reckon!

It depends entirely on the childs own personality and emotional maturity whether they can cope with going to play or going to tea at their friends homes. I knew a little girl who's mum actually didn't let her go to others or have friends to play/have tea at theirs because the child couldn't cope. She got up at 5.30am and by the end of school was worn out, hungry, and likely to lash out at her little sister. Her mother used to push her home in the buggy while her 2 1/2 yr old sister stood on the buggy board. Tea was at 4.30pm, and bed was pretty much at 6.30p.m. It simply wouldn't have worked. I don't think they did any after school socialising until the girl was nearly 6.

Others do really well, take everything in their stride at others houses including their parents, siblings, pets, food etc.

I wouldn't do any longer than 2 hrs if they are having tea as well as a play. I tended to limit Birthday parties to this too. If in doubt, start with a short time and lengthen next time if the children have enjoyed themselves, don't want to leave etc.

YANBU I loathe them to be honest. I let my girls go from about 3 or 4 with people I knew they would be OK with (they used car seats that kind of thing), but for my (twin) boys i was much fussier!! Because they were so accident prone (major incidents as well as minor) and had speech and visual problems. I avoided those parent who let their kids run riot and play in the streets. they started being invited from 2 years old at playgroup!!I used to hate being mithered every day. Certain parents wanted them 2 or 3 times a week! (and of course expected me to have theirs for the same, even though i have 5DC!!)

Now they are 8 I am abit less 'fussy'. I don't think i am overprotective, though, they have been on cub camps from age 7 and out/overnight with relatives from toddlers.

My advice is go with your gut feeling. If you don't feel right, make excuses, your kids are precious. Who cares what others think!!

YANBU I'm so glad someone mentioned the competitive parent social engineering - it really seems like that at our school. I feel quite guilty for not making more effort. My DC has 3 good friends at school. One can't come after school, one doesn't like to do after school play dates and the other I find very hard to like. I do have him over occasionally but it's hard work and not enjoyable. Am also pleased to hear it dies down a bit in year 1 - will look forward to that.