to think that 5 is too young for after-school playdates?

[Pendulum]

I'm not talking about meeting up with ol, "known them since 6 months old" friends, but rather about "DD seems to be making a new friend at school, better have them over to play" occasions.

Left to my own devices it wouldn't have occurred to me to start these so early, but DD has been invited to other people's houses a number of times so naturally I have invited these children back.

On almost every occasion the child and DD have disagreed over what to play with and retreated to different parts of the house, leaving me to flit between them giving DD swift kicks up the backside pep talks about how to behave with guests, and jollying along the friend (usually a virtual stranger) so she doesn't get too freaked out. I often get the feeling that DD would actually prefer to be on her own although she claims not to want the friend to leave at the end.

So -AIBU to think that they are a bit young for this type of socialising, especially after school when they are tired? I wonder how many of us are doing it so that our DCs don't get left out, rather than because they actually enjoy these occasions.

My youngest is 4, in reception and she has 1 or 2 'playdates' a week. I don't entertain them beacuse it defeats the object.

I feel your Pain, OP.
Under 6yo, I hosted some playdates successfully for DC1, and many many successful stress-free playdates for DC2.
But DC3 (currently 5yo), SIGH. Not a chance. It's bad enough having one electric emotional cry-baby 5yo in the house, I really can't face the risk of two+ of them.

So we've hosted 2 playdates so far in his life (one lunchtime, and one after school) and maybe I'll attempt another after Christmas.

Then again, maybe I'll wait until he's 17 .

My boys love playdates (yuck to the word too - sounds American to me...) and I am always happy to have their friends here. I find mine behave much better with other kids around and to be honest... so do I!

My daughters have had playdates in the afternoon for up to 2hrs with friends from pre-school (age 3 and up).
Usually came round to our house

It does depend on the child, but I find that when having a friend round, they entertain each other. This makes me time to spend with my teen.

Pendulum - and others - you could be describing my exact experiences of doing the children's playdates and them being a complete nightmare.

As did some of the other posters i threw in the towel with ds and friend. Life is hard enough adjusting to your first school year without added social pressure of 'playdates'.

Look at it like this - eventually they will mature and then make their own real friendships without any parental intervention.

Not having people to play because you are too tired/ child too tired does n't mean your child will be at a social disadvantage from other kids in the class. It really doesn't.

Incidentally my dd is a much easier child in terms of having friend's around. But maybe that is because her friends dont trash the house and have tantrums when I refuse to let them kick a case football through the tv

Not too young IMO - ds arranged his own first sleepover at 4 so it is entirely about the individual. It's also fine to have someone over for just an hour or so though, especially if they don't know each other well - tbh I wouldn't want to spend more than that with a very new friend either!

Having said that, I know that ds settled into school much better when he'd spent some time with individuals in his class at home, rather than encountering them all in the mass at school.

Keeping them under your eye for the first couple of times is a good way forward as well - you'll soon work out which ones your dd actually likes and gets on with.

In Reception last year, there were lots of playdates and I felt obliged to do many too.
But it was fine, becasue it was pleasant and the boys played beautifully, not as yuo describe.
But in year 1, there have been very few, by everyone.
So take heart that it is probably just a bit of over-zealous competitive parenting by grown ups, that will die down.
But YABU. They love it and it is important. go with the flow.

My kids were playing out and had other kids round by 5. Never called playdates, that's an american term that seems to have been adopted in parts of England. If a parent rang me asking if my kid could go round I'd discuss it with the child and ring the parent back. Usually it was just 1 of 3 or 4 friends they regularly played with though and the kids often discussed it in the playground "can I come and play with you" " do you want to come and play with me" and then ask the parent when they got home.
If DD isn't keen leave it but don't see 5 as too young. My eldest particularly loved having friends round once he started nursery at 4.

my kids are 10,9,7 and the success of having other kids to play is completely dependant on which kids come over.

There are some who always fight/ break stuff and others who are so delightful you would not even know they were in the house.
There are some kids I struggle not to actively loathe

I do hope my kids are not little brats at other people's houses

Why have the horrible kids round? Whilst my kids are at an age where I can control who they play with I do so. Generally they haven't been best friends with obnoxious kids, but kids who were a pain just didn't get invited round more than once. I'm not running a creche.

Message withdrawn

kids are all different, aren't they? when mine were that age, we did have the occasional child round to play- and some have now morphed into old friends

I hate them too, it's a nightmare to arrange as well, dd's friends all seem to do an activity every night, she only does one thing a week. They never eat anything, or much and it annoys me.
Really wondering if it's worth the hassle.

No.

I think "rubbish" is a bit harsh dilemma456, even on an AIBU thread.

During half term DD had a friend over for the morning. The girls disappeared into her room for two hours then came down for lunch, which they ate hungrily and politely. It was fab. If all of the occasions were like that, then I wouldn't be posting on this topic.

I think my point is this: if they're not mature enough/ good enough friends to entertain themselves without me hovering over them making peace, then what it the purpose of the "playdate" (for want of a better word)?

I suppose if that kind of intervention/ direction comes naturally to you then you may find it a completely normal state of affairs. For the reasons I've given, however, I am unable and unwilling to run crafting workshops for unknown children in the hope that they will choose to be friends with DD as a result. I am pretty sure that my mum and my friends' mums never did this kind of thing for us when we were kids.

In our street all the kids are in and out of each other's houses, especially in the summer.
I childmind and they know not to come over when i'm working, but as soon as I've put the baby stuff away then I get at least 4 or 5 kids in the house as my daughters invite their friends over.
My parents used to do the same when I was young, us kids went from house to house (or flat to flat) when I was 6yrs old.
All part of childhood memories
Just don't think about cleaning up until nighttime!

It depends on the child. And it depends on the child coming to tea.

My DD loves having friends over for tea and has since she started pre-prep - so aged four. Although she has siblings her brother has SN and so sometimes in the vening it was just her on her own. She plays well and is independent and can entertain herself but having friends for tea is actually a great option for me as she is not vying for my attention.

I never let them last too long and always arranged a pick up time. I would have something for them to do if they couldn't find a mutual activity. And if they argued or stopped playing together I found saying to both of them
" you could play on the trampoline/do these sticker books/set up x game or whatever . If you can't find something you would like to do nicely together then I can always phone x's mummy and tell her that she should come and get x now rather than later"
ALWAYS worked. without fail.

not yet experienced the "joys and delights of" these playdates but no doubt won't be long as my DD is in reception. If straight after school, how long would you recommend arranging one for? would you include tea? what have 1st experiences of them been like?? Grateful for any tips!

I wouldnt want to do it, dd is grumpy and tired enough after school. Tbh i dont enjoy her company that much so i dont think she would have fun, she tend to get in pjs and chill out

She does go to after school club sometimes and plays nicely there

I do like finding old threads and finding my previous incarnation having posted