to think many parents who send their children to the lower quality independent schools are so pretentious it is cringeworthy?

[Barrelofloves]

Is it due to insecurity? Because I have found the seriously loaded/titled folk are not like that at all.

Oh I so agree.

If it's not Eton or Winchester, then the local sink school with the oiks is infinitely preferable to the horror of going to school with the middle classes.

Barrel - I hate this AIBU topic, however am moved to post since you are getting it in the neck so much

I know just what you mean - as I went to one of the sorts of schools you're talking about. Not that the education it provided was lower quality - actually it was very good. But it wasn't a famous school a la Eton or even the best known private school in the area. The parents were mostly the local accountants, solicitors, small businesspeople, well-to-do farmers (it was a rural area) - solidly middle class as you say, not toffs (who have their own schools). A proportion of the kids there - not all by any means, but some - were pretty snobby. By contrast in recent years (at work) I've been swamped in old Etonians and the like - and you're right, as a rule of thumb the posher they are the more fun they are (or the more easy of manner). Is this what you meant?

IMO the difference is between being actually to the manor born and aspiring to be to the manor born. It's a bit like being 'more English than the English' except in this case it's being 'more posh than the posh'.

oh god I find this cringeing admiration of the aristocracy as revolting as middle class desperation to be join them.

There's only one solution, shoot the lot of them.

Sorry, Lequeen, but:

She doesn't have to aspire to anything, because she has always been already there.

Where has she been? Why is she any different?
OK, so I agree, your nouveau how big/posh is your car/house/clothes is annoying, extremely so.
But why should someone be a somebody purely by virtue of the family that they'd been born into?

What couldn't she aspire to?

I would imagine the ones who go to the high quality ones have done their research,and are pleased with the results. This poor quality one had a dire inspection, high staff turnover, facilities pretty dire as most fees I would say are going into maintaining the crumbling old pile and in maintaining the principal's wine cellar.

They even charge parents a lot extra for special needs eg dyslexia help when in reality it is the Australian gap year students with no training whatsoever who are providing the service as part of 'house duties'.

I'm sure the parents must be aware of this and I know some parents left because of this but it still astounds me that there is a lot of buying into the 'gloss'of it all and keeping up appearances despite it nearly bankrupting some. May be it is some kind of middle class paranoia which turns these people into socially insecure lepers if they are not with their own ilk.

But is the High quality one far more pricey?
I do understand what you're trying to say, I do.
But it may be that they can only just about afford the lesser ones?

I would really love to know which area the OP is talking about.

LeQueen we were of the third variety but have discovered that by moving to a more rural location we still get a first class education but it's free! The cherry on the is that one of the top grammar schools in the north is also nearby and also free!!!

Barrelofloves please tell me what region you're in!

whoop whoop for state schools

Shockers, are you near me? We have an excellent Grammar here in East Lancs.

Halfcut, Toot Toot!!! Whoop de la Whoop!!

Which school is this? It can't be that low quality if it has a wine cellar.

Yes I think the high quality one is more pricey.

I am as poor as a church mouse btw and went to a terrible state comp but I did very well academically regardless so had a good career.

I'm tired of the looks of sycophantic interest when they know who I'm friends with and where I live but it's amazing how the conversation fades away if you've sent your dc to the local state comp.

Well spotted, Breasts. I'd be on that PTA!

lizzylou Lancs but north west. Nice to hear a familiar accent on here

OP is hilariously fucking funny with the "lower quality" independents

I have an inkling what the OP means - in my part of Lancashire (out of catchment for the few remaining grammars, dammit!) there is an excellent private school (if by that we mean vg exam ratings, not poshness - its non-HMC and tons of bursaries) but theres also a few mediocre ones where, if you factor in that they are somewhat selective (an entrance exam which will weed out at least the bottom quartile) then actually their results don't stack up against the better local comps. So you are left wondering if there is any 'added value' ... possibly its not much more than rugger and buying 'nicer' classmates

I think LeQueens categories are about right - if you're in (3) then you won't waste your money on the mediocre independents, it'll be the excellent one or do the best you can in the state sector. Those properly in (1) wouldn't have had forebears going to the so-so schools, so that more or less leaves (2)

Lancashire is well represented on this thread!

Shockers, I moved here to be with DH, but I getting more NOrthern by the day

Private School teachers don't have to have degress necessarily do they? Or is that teacher training?
Or am I stuck in an Evelyn Waugh timewarp?

Most private schools wouldn't dream of employing teachers without very good qualifications and experience, this thing about private school teachers being unqualified harks back to when my parents were at school in the 50s. Certainly the school I went to attracted the very best teachers but then it had an excellent academic record so was able to cherry pick the best

Its probably been said already but the title post is so ridiculous I can't be assed to read the responses... WTF do you think parents should do OP, if they have dire local state schools and a reasonable income but one which prohibits them sending their DC to Eton or similar? Send them to the only avilable state sink estate school because to do otherwise might be viewed by others as "pretentious"?

Or do as many of us would, which is send their DC to the school which they feel will give those children the best education, life experiences and opportunities possible and if that means paying for it, so be it?

I'm pretty sure they do have to have a degree. They need good teachers because they don't tend to have TAs in our experience.
I have to say that my DS loved his school and it was good for him but the fees get steeper as the children move up the school and the holidays are a joke.
I do know what the OP means to a certain extent. We were lucky with the parents in DS's year but some of the ones in the year above were insufferable snobs.
Still wonder if we did the right thing... he has settled really well at his new school though.
Lizzylou there's nowt like a lancashire lad! Mine's from Yorkshire though so don't tell him I said that!

Private school teachers do not legally have to have any qualifications at all, although they do need to be CRB'd.

A piece of paper does not give an indication of a good quality teacher.

I thenk you, Wriggle.
I was sure that was the case.

Shockers, it takes a v special type of man to make me live in this windy rainy place, so yes, Lancashire men are v special