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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the world of my friend but wish she would do something about her dc's behaviour?

105 replies

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/11/2009 16:14

This is a mum friend at school. She has a dd in my dd's class. We have been friends for about 4 years.

I like her a lot BUT her children are just not nice to be around (sorry). She is spectacularly bad at correcting behaviour that any reasonable person would think unacceptable. Atm I need to speak to her quickly most days after school but, during this conversation, her children will interrupt, pull on her sleeve, moan and whine ... and she ALWAYS stops what she is saying to me and responds to the child, usually with "sorry darling" etc.

Today her eldest dd (8 y/o) just baldly said "Mum, I'm bored, I want to go" and so we had to end our conversation so that she could scuttle off home.

What is wrong with saying to your child "I just need to speak to bibbity for two minutes, please be patient and don't interrupt again".

I am going to have to start texting her about things cos I nearly snapped at her dd today and it really wound me up .

OP posts:
seaglass · 05/11/2009 19:13

I think everyone has a friend like that - I definately do - she's great, but I can't stand her children!
See her without the children, it'll never work otherwise, everyone has their own views on parenting, sounds like yours and hers differ

coffeeholic · 05/11/2009 19:17

Well said MadameD.

I agree seaglass; and as our children get older, the differences in parenting styles becomes more apparent

InterruptingKid · 05/11/2009 19:20

i have a lovely mate who was once interrupted by her TEEN son to make her go and play swingball in a convo

NO, fuck off.

isittooearlyforgin · 05/11/2009 19:21

Madamedefarge - sorry disagree with you, have dc 2.5 and 5 and can not stay and talk at school gate much as I'd love to. Its not bad parenting, its knowing when its best to call it quits and acknowledging the trigger points. I need to focus all my attention onto the situation in hand to deal with dcs effectively. I chat to my friends on the phone in the evenings.

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 19:32

Istooearly...I agree with you that with smaller children you do need to monitor them and often have to shoot off...but an eight year old? No.

Original poster
bibbitybobbityhat · 05/11/2009 19:34

Isittooearly? (not too early now btw ) the children in question here are 8 and 6. It was actually the 8 y/o who said "I'm bored I want to go home" I think she's old enough to wait for a minute or two.

OP posts:
junglist1 · 05/11/2009 19:48

YANBU children that age who wont wait come across as precious whingebags. Especially the ones that are bored with everything.
"Excuse me the adults are talking" works well.

Vinomum · 05/11/2009 19:51

'You do your children no favours by making them feel they are in charge of you.'

I agree. And you don't do yourself any favours by doing this either!

isittooearlyforgin · 05/11/2009 19:58

bibbity - thank god its not too early!!

Ziggurat · 05/11/2009 19:59

YANBU at all. Vinomum has said exactly what I think.

I'm really surprised that there seem to be so many Mums who think children displaying bad manners is to be encouraged.

Asking your child to wait a couple of minutes while you finish a conversation is not going to stifle their wonderfulness - honestly. They will cope. And learn a good lesson with it.

I'm new, by the way!

KERALA1 · 05/11/2009 20:00

No point posting MadameD said exactly what I was going to say .

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 20:10
Wink
Bonsoir · 05/11/2009 20:20

"Do you think that children who interrupt other people when they are having a conversation should be reminded that this is not polite behaviour?"

It is not always impolite to interrupt. This applies to everyone and anyone.

pointydogg · 05/11/2009 20:26

no, but there are very impolite ways of doing so, soir. I want my dc to do so politely, if they do it at all.

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 20:27

And also BA, there is also a very different way of speaking in French to English. It is possible to be much more, um, direct, in French without being perceived as rude...

Bonsoir · 05/11/2009 20:36

Maybe, but I only speak English to my DD and vice versa.

I feel very strongly indeed that school pick up time is not an appropriate time for mothers to do business with one another and that children should be their first priority. If other mothers don't respect that for me and DD (though I don't come across this at all) I will have no qualms pointing that out, personally

pointydogg · 05/11/2009 20:39

friendly playgrounds are lovely, aren't they

Bonsoir · 05/11/2009 20:41

We have an immensely friendly playground and park, where lots of children/mothers/nannies hang out after school, weather permitting. Lots of socialising goes on - but not in the 10 minutes or quarter of an hour post pick-up. That is adult-child time

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/11/2009 20:42

I have taught my sons (age 6 and 9) to say "excuse me" when they interrupt

Francasaysrelax · 05/11/2009 20:46

As I said earlier it depends on the age of the child.
I can see how a 4 yr old craves for his/her mother's immediate attention.
But, as I said, at 8 they are mostly capable to wait for a few minutes.

Mine are 5 and 7 and mostly keen on walking back home chatting to their friends (am I that boring?)

MrsGravy · 05/11/2009 20:47

Whilst I agree that children should be taught not to interrupt adults who are speaking, I think you are being very harsh.

Is this really the worst example of their behaviour you can give??? Children aren't exactly at their best after school, they're tired and want to get home, chill out and spend some time with their mum. I don't think it makes them terribly behaved if they're unable to be polite and patient at this time.

Why not just text her as you've suggested?? It would be easier on you all.

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 20:50

But BA, you are expecting mothers to then go and join others to socialise in the park...that is not going to work for everyone...sometimes you do just have to have that conversation outside the schoolgates...

And I don't get the specialness of that just after pick up time, its not sacred. If I have a quick chat with a mum then whisk ds off home, I don't think he will be scarred for life.

If I am expected to join in some herd activity in a park in order to arrange a playdate, I would feel coerced and managed. who is to say that is convenient for every mum or carer? It makes gross assumptions about what "should' be done socially, even worse that demanding ones child is polite.

Kinda, join us in the park, or be an outcast. Bleh!

Bonsoir · 05/11/2009 20:52

If you don't want to go the park, arrange another time. I really don't think that school pick up time is adult business time.

IMVHO children tell you the very most interesting things about their day in the very few minutes post pick-up... and this goes on for years - DSS1 (14) and DSS2 (12) still need ears open ASAP...

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 20:55

Well, my ds would rather have his toenails pulled out than talk about his day straight after school, that comes out over dinner or shared tasks....they are all different!

Francasaysrelax · 05/11/2009 20:58

Mine is like yours Madame. He likes to chat once he's home (after being to the park ). Sometimes he tells me crucial things when he is in the toilet... ...