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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the world of my friend but wish she would do something about her dc's behaviour?

105 replies

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/11/2009 16:14

This is a mum friend at school. She has a dd in my dd's class. We have been friends for about 4 years.

I like her a lot BUT her children are just not nice to be around (sorry). She is spectacularly bad at correcting behaviour that any reasonable person would think unacceptable. Atm I need to speak to her quickly most days after school but, during this conversation, her children will interrupt, pull on her sleeve, moan and whine ... and she ALWAYS stops what she is saying to me and responds to the child, usually with "sorry darling" etc.

Today her eldest dd (8 y/o) just baldly said "Mum, I'm bored, I want to go" and so we had to end our conversation so that she could scuttle off home.

What is wrong with saying to your child "I just need to speak to bibbity for two minutes, please be patient and don't interrupt again".

I am going to have to start texting her about things cos I nearly snapped at her dd today and it really wound me up .

OP posts:
lou031205 · 05/11/2009 18:03

Why don't you suggest that you both arrive 5 minutes before drop-off?

AlaskaNebraska · 05/11/2009 18:05

of course they can chuffing wait
you say HELLO LITTLE KID ARE YOU MINE

they piss off and run around
you say " oi lady here is the news"

Original poster
bibbitybobbityhat · 05/11/2009 18:08

Yes, I could do that, but the point is I don't think it should be necessary. That is why I started the thread. But I guess will, thanks, while I have to.

And after that I won't bother any more and she will wonder why I'm not talking to her anymore ...

OP posts:
shineoncrazyfirecracker · 05/11/2009 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

InterruptingKid · 05/11/2009 18:12

Im bored
can we go now

Original poster
bibbitybobbityhat · 05/11/2009 18:13

That last was to the poster before Alaska, because I agree with you AN, obv. That is all that is required but the woman will not do it. There is a gap in our way of doing things there.

OP posts:
vacaloca · 05/11/2009 18:14

bibbity, I agree with you and I'm quite shocked at the number of people who think you're in the wrong. I really expected this would go the other way.

InterruptingKid · 05/11/2009 18:15

mum BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING

vacaloca · 05/11/2009 18:17

Ah, I see the tables are turning now. Phew.

Vinomum · 05/11/2009 18:17

I must be old fashioned too because if I had dared say to my mother 'I'm bored I want to go' while she was talking to her friends I'd have been given a clip round the ear. In fact, I wouldn't have been given a clip round the ear, because I never would have dared say it in the first place. You could say it's being old fashioned, but actually a child interrupting an adult is just bad manners.

coffeeholic · 05/11/2009 18:17

Shh darling, mummy's talking.

coffeeholic · 05/11/2009 18:18

Obv that was to interupptingkid!

I always think; this behaviour would not be acceptable in an adult, so at what point do you address it with your child?

Original poster
bibbitybobbityhat · 05/11/2009 18:21

Ah Alaska and Vaca and Vino . My new bessie playground mates. Big group hug.

OP posts:
Vinomum · 05/11/2009 18:21

Exactly coffeeholic. The whole point of this bringing up kids thing is that we're teaching them how to behave in the world and giving them life skills for when they're independent of us. Teaching children it's OK to interrupt other people and getting their own way all the time isn't a very good lesson IMO.

GibbonInARibbon · 05/11/2009 18:24

Talk about the OP getting the third degree....now OP you said that you speak after school, is that stood by the gate? or walking away after collecting DC's? Do you walk side by side or are you slightly ahead by a pace or so? fucking hell...I'm sure people store up their anger throughout the day and just keep hitting refresh on active convos just waiting to pounce

If this happens all the time YANBU, I personally ask DD to wait until I have finished speaking and then she gets my full attention.

collywobble · 05/11/2009 18:24

I don't think yabu at all.
I think children need to learn that it is bad manners and rude to interrupt when an adult is talking.
In that situation if my child were to interupt I would explain that I am talking at the moment which acknowledges that you have heard them and then after I had finished the conversation I would give my child my undivided attention.I understand that children need to speak to their parents at the end of the school day but at the expense of manners and interupptng an adult conversation I don't think so
I really agree with you everlong I'm speechless too.........

shockers · 05/11/2009 18:26

I quite agree vinomum !!

PyrotechnicToadstool · 05/11/2009 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 05/11/2009 18:35

When DC first cme out of school I do think they should get priority for a while - to say hello, and to impart any info they might have.

If I was in the middle of a concerstaion, I would say expcuse me to the friend to do the above with my DD, and then go back to the conversion 30 seconds or so later, asking DD to wait a while.

However if I need/want to chat to a parent once DD is out she knows she needs to wait and be patient. She knows she'd be in trouble if she pulled at me saying she was bored, that;s for sure! DD is 7y and has been expected to have manners and not interrupt unles important since startng school.

I workin a Y1 class and we are currently doing some role play examples of when it is ok to interrupt and not.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/11/2009 18:43

there seems to be this real expectation in this culture that adults come first and kids can put up with it.
what is so wrong with this mother putting her child's needs ahead of yours?

Actually thisisyesterday, IME parents are often bending over so far backwards to understand and accommodate their DCs feelings that the small matter of manners an other peoples' feelings is getting overlooked.

I think this is a huge reaction to the way that our generation, and our parents generation was brought up, with too little consideration given to childrens feelings and opinions. But I think the pendulum has swung to far the other way.

yelpol · 05/11/2009 18:50

yanbu. you say hello to your dcs, nobody is ignored, there is a time and a place for everything - including teaching manners. this is one of those situations where it would be perfect to teach them "dc, please wait while i finish my conversation with xxx, we'll be going home soon. please don't say "i'm bored", it's not polite, we can talk about it later". for goodness sake, we all wait in queues in shops, it's our right to buy things but we must wait our turn, it's children's rights to speak to their parents, but sometimes they must wait their turn. not all the time, but in this kind of situation it's not unreasonable at all.

isittooearlyforgin · 05/11/2009 18:53

Perhaps friend does not want confrontation with her children at school gates and feels it would be better to deal with kids at home? Not all children are quiet, contemplative types.

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 19:09

Oh please, maybe the reason we have so many ill-mannered children is that they are not taught to wait for a couple of minutes while adults, who are in charge, have a quick conversation.

DS does this, and gets short shrift. Chatting to parents after school is often a way of making sure your dcs get playdates, are involved and its part of being in a school community...

children might not understand because they want what they want when they want it. Its up to us to mediate their place in their communities, and learning a bit of patience is part of it. Its called good manners.

You do your children no favours by making them feel they are in charge of you.

InterruptingKid · 05/11/2009 19:10

oh MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM
cna we go now

MadameDefarge · 05/11/2009 19:11

No IK, I am talking to the nice ladies...