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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to object to breastfeeding friendly schemes

117 replies

Babieseverywhere · 05/11/2009 08:57

I have been reading this thread and the related website.

I understand that this group has great aims and is/will be helpful to many breastfeeding mothers but I don't like "breastfeeding friendly schemes"

I just think that in asking permission for something we already have a legal right to do, is setting a dangerous precedent. Some cafes/shops might feel having said no to the scheme that they have some right to hassle nursing mothers (which they don't)

I worry that by having safe ghettos areas where breastfeeding is allowed, may cause more problems for mothers who wish to feed where needed and don't wish to be shut away

Surely we should be pushing the law to protect all mothers from feeding their babies in any safe location. My rule of thumb if a baby can be safely bottle fed somewhere, it follows that this is also a suitable place to breastfeed.

OP posts:
giggleloop · 05/11/2009 10:13

The thing is me23, they think they are doing the right thing. They have provided a 'room' and point it out to bf mothers that they 'may feel more comfortable' using the room. They see a bf mother and think it is a kindness not to disturb them so they see the next patient instead. They don't understand how frustrating it is to have it implyed that you should be in a private place as if you are doing something unseemly.

StealthPolarBear · 05/11/2009 10:26

yes i do see the point about stickerless = NOT bf friendly
so how to co0unter that?

StealthPolarBear · 05/11/2009 10:27

maybe people more comfortable bf should make an effort to use both

ParanoidAtAllTimes · 05/11/2009 10:27

Perhaps bfing stickers would raise general public awareness that lots of mums need to bf their LO when out and about? I expect a lot of people have no idea how self conscious many mums are about bfing in public and perhaps if they were more aware of this they would be more sensitive?

FWIW, I tend to stick to places where I feel more comfortable and if I saw one of those stickers that would really help.

But I can see the point about places without them using it as an excuse to hassle bfing mums.

theyoungvisiter · 05/11/2009 10:28

Perhaps guerrilla stickering is needed ?

Armed with a roll of bf stickers and a torch, mners will sneak out at night to paper the UK...

StealthPolarBear · 05/11/2009 10:29

put me down for some of that!
(can i bf dd as i do??)

theyoungvisiter · 05/11/2009 10:31

The thing is, I am a v confident bfer and have always felt I am in the right to feed anywhere.

But if there were stickers, if I saw a place without a sticker, I would start thinking "gosh, is the owner secretly anti-bf? Why have they chosen not to sticker?"

It would make me feel MORE uncomfortable - whereas at the moment I just assume it's ok, and that I have an absolute right to bf anywhere.

StealthPolarBear · 05/11/2009 10:33

well the answer i suppose is to ask them to sign up!
assume of course they cant be bf-unfriendly, just havent got a sticker yet
guerrila by dayligt

TigerFeet · 05/11/2009 10:33

I shall put a sticker on my forehead

I will therefore be able to bf wherever I please

StealthPolarBear · 05/11/2009 10:35

excellent idea!!
tattoos for the really hardcore
(not me ... )

how are you doing?

theyoungvisiter · 05/11/2009 10:36

I just hate the whole premise I think.

It's like implicitly asking for permission to bf, like it's somehow a daring, offensive act.

If they want me to stop, well, let them get up the nerve to ask me. Why should I have to be the one to start umming and ahhing and requesting permission?

Bfing should be NORMAL. Having a sign saying its "ok" makes it seem like a favour.

Morloth · 05/11/2009 10:36

You mention it to them theyoungvisitor Mums have buying power. There are lots of us and we like to go out and chat and have coffee etc.

And yes I do think the more confident among us should BF wherever we can so that it becomes more "mainstream".

But a positive word to a business owner with a sticker and a negative one (nice though) to one without could really help get this going.

theyoungvisiter · 05/11/2009 10:40

I WOULD be supportive of a "baby friendly" sticker.

That could potentially cover bfing, but would also mean they had a changing table, highchair, and provided water for bottles.

I think that would be a lot more inclusive and wouldn't have the implication that bfing was somehow "permitted". It would simply be telling mums that they have the facilities here to cater for small babies.

As a side-effect it would also be a green light for mums who wanted reassurance that a place was definitely pro-bf. But it would do away with the idea that bfing has to be confined to special "safe" places, which is, I think, what offends me about the current scheme.

TigerFeet · 05/11/2009 10:42
theyoungvisiter · 05/11/2009 10:43

But why should I, Morloth?

It should be NORMAL, and illegal to harass bfing women. It shouldn't be up to us to persuade cafe-owners to allow it.

It's a bit like telling black people they should get shop owners to display an "all ethnicities welcome" sign. Why on earth SHOULD they?

Original poster
Babieseverywhere · 05/11/2009 10:45

Baby friendly is slightly better idea.

But I would still prefer encouragment for all mothers to feed, when, where and how is best for them and not to be pressured into small cupboards or toilets

OP posts:
Morloth · 05/11/2009 10:46

Absolutely should be normal, no argument there. But it isn't here and no-one is going to change it but us.

TigerFeet · 05/11/2009 10:47

There is a cafe local to me that displays a bf friendly sticker already. I go there not because they display a sticker, but because they do stonking hot chocolate with cream and marshmellows and biscuits and so forth for a very reasonable £1.50.

BE I will take you there when you visit

I can see how the presence of a sticker or similar would put a lot of less confident public bfers at ease, but personally I just bf dd2 as and when she needs it, regardless of whether there is an obvious symbol of whether people approve.

I have never had any comments, although dd2 is still teeny so there is time...

MaMight · 05/11/2009 10:47

There are some mums who are shy / nervous / uncomfortable / embarrassed about bfing in public.

I am not one of them.

Like many, many women, I don't really think about it. I would give no more thought to whether or not it was appropriate to bf my baby than I would to whether it was appropriate to give my toddler a jammy dodger. This works both ways - there are some places I might not give my toddler a jammy dodger, and some places I might choose not to bf. More likely through practical considerations than anything else tbh.

I strongly believe that the very best thing I can ever do for the cause of unremarkable bfing in public is to just get out there and do it.

I have and continue to bf everywhere and cheerfully chat to anyone who asks about it. I have been very lucky in never having any negative comments and lots of positive comments and lovely smiles. I have blistering responses ready for the day that Draylon McDailymail decides to challenge me .

I really do think in my own tiny way I have made a difference.
I have exclusively breastfed an enormous baby to 6 months and never once let bfing (either of) my children be an obsticle. There are HVs (for goodness sake) who don't believe that is possible. I have quietly done it with no particular agenda and everyone who knows me, I think, has a positive impression of bfing from my experience.

I hope I don't sound smug - I am not trying to. I get that I have been lucky in my bfing experience. But I really, really do think that the best way to normalise bfing anywhere and everywhere is just to do it. And it is up to us, the women who aren't shy or embarrassed or nervous, to pave the way for those who are.

Stickers = bad.

theyoungvisiter · 05/11/2009 10:47

I agree Morloth, but I don't think that stickering places is going to do anything to normalise it.

Rather the reverse, it's going to imply that places need to give permission to let women bf there.

TigerFeet · 05/11/2009 10:49

IMO the only way to normalise something is to go out and do it. Personally I wouldn't approach cafe owners, I would just quietly bf in their cafe with no whistles and bells.

thesecondcocking · 05/11/2009 10:52

i wont be filling it in-it gives the impression that breastfeeding is something that needs to be permitted-where i know it is something that i could and would do anywhere i fancied,for either of my children at any time.
i also don't like the idea of women recruiting others to join a cause when all it is is feeding your baby-if you refuse to join will you be frowned upon by whoever asks you?
i am pro breastfeeding,don't need a t-shirt/sticker/campaign to tell me it's ok to do it. Maybe i am inherently lazy,but i feel the more people kick up a fuss(when it's not illegal to breastfeed) the more that those who aren't pro bf will 'judge'

Original poster
Babieseverywhere · 05/11/2009 10:55

I wouldn't ask a cafe owner if it was alright for me to read a book, or wear a certain item of clothing, why would I ask him how I could feed my baby ?

I just nurse my children when and as needed and I haven't had any bad comments from a stranger yet.

TF, Your cafe sounds ace

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 05/11/2009 10:57

was that to me? i didnt mean ask permission to feed, i just meant say you'd notice they hadnt got a sticker & suggest they got one as it would encourage business from bf women.

Purplebuns · 05/11/2009 10:57

I reckon that if there is a sticker, it should indicate that they are going to support you, by making you a free cup of tea once in the act

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