...make an issue out of his female best friend

[Confusedsoul]

Hello

Not posted before but I read daily... thought maybe you guys could give your opinions on this situation.

I've been seeing someone for about 3 months, things are pretty good, he's met my children, etc - all fine. However his best friend is female, she is single, and in the past they've slept together (on two occasions he says). I thought that was a bit odd when he first told me, but thought hey, he's with me - forget about that. They didn't see each other all that much for the first 6 weeks or so that we were together, but recently they've been meeting up more (which he tells me about, which is good, right?). But now they've decided that they're going to go swimming together two evenings a week... was a bit when he told me, but didn't say anything. He rang me last night and said he couldn't see me tonight as they were going swimming, but will come over weds evening instead. I said ok... then about an hour later had a text saying "I can come and see you tomorrow (tues) after all as i'm not going swimming anymore". I replied saying "Oh, why's that..." to which he replied saying "X can't make it anymore and I'm not motivated enough to go on my own"

Am I being childish by feeling that I'm second choice? Like, if she was free he'd go swimming with her, but now that she's busy he'll come and see me instead. Part of me thinks I'm being unreasonable, but I can't helping feeling rubbish about it all.

Thoughts? I would prefer complete honesty, if I'm being a goon then tell me so! (PS. I'm confined to home every evening unless I get a babysitter or the ex and very not dear H happens to have the children. This may be adding to my frustration.)

How much discussion have you actually had with this man about monogamy, boundaries etc? Because he doesn;t appear to be lying to you or concealing anything from you, which rather suggests that he doesn't, at least yet, see the relationship between you and him as a big serious exclusive major commitment. And at only 3 months into it, unless you have both agreed that you are desperate only interested in Serious Relationships, nor should you.

SGB - We've talked about the fact that we are in a monogamous reationship and we are only sleeping with each other... I don't think that makes me desperate, just means that I don't want to shag about and I don't expect my man to either (he feels the same).

Spent most of the weekend with him and found out that it was just blokes out on friday night,the best friend was away this weekend.

I'm not worried that he is actually sleeping with her,I trust him that he wouldn't do that,it's more the idea that there are underlying feelings. I know I can't ask him not to be friends with her,there's no way i would want to do that - my OP was asking if I was being unreasonable for 'feeling' a bit hurt and bothered about him choosing to go swimming with her once or twice a week.

OK, so you have agreed on monogamy and trust him. In whcih case YABU and need to find yourself something else to think about so you don't spend all your time obsessing over what he's doing and who with.