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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell DH that I am pregnant?

89 replies

notanumber · 02/11/2009 17:04

Have namechanged (just in case anyone in RL has matched me). Not a troll.

1 beautiful DS (1.7). Long history of miscarriages and ectopics.

We are not trying to conceive at the moment - wanted a break from the heartache - but... we were a bit cavalier with contraception (we use the rhythm method - v reliable for us as I know exactly when ovulation is, and we had sex on the very last day of my fertile window) this month.

I've known that I'm pregnant for over a week (just because I am very good at recognising when I am up the duff, even before my period is due - due to lots of experience, sadly) but have not let on to DH.

Period was due on Friday and as I am very regular, DH has asked every day since if it's arrived, but I have just acted unconcerned and said that it's on it's way as I feel very pre-menstrual and it's just being a bit tardy.

Took a test today and it has confirmed that I am pregnant.

Obviously a baby would be welcome news. But another long drawn-out unsucessful pregancy is very much not welcome. It's always so stressful and awful for us both.

Would it be very unreasonable of me not to tell DH and pretend that my period has arrived, to spare him the worry? Also, I just would prefer to deal with it quietly on my own.

Obviously, if it's ectopic or similar then that will be apparent quite quickly (will have 6 week trans-vaginal scan at EPU) and I'll have to tell him, but if it's just a 'normal' straightforward MC, there's no need for him to know. I just think it will be easier for both him and for me.

Would appreciate your thoughts.

OP posts:
ThumbleBells · 23/12/2009 18:10

I hope you do tell him - I agree that he would be upset if he thought you were protecting him, he might think that it's his job to do the protecting!

I do hope things work out for you this time - having just had a MC myself I can see where you're coming from with this (although have no idea how it must feel to have more than one). Good luck!

stoppingat3 · 23/12/2009 18:33

Oh how wonderful, I too read the thread but didn't post,
So glad things have worked out ok and fingers crossed for a happy 6 months.
enjoy a wonderful Christmas

notanumber · 23/12/2009 19:23

Thank you thank you thank you all for being so chuffed!

It's so exciting to finally be able to tell people (and it will make my mum's Christmas)!

OP posts:
babbi · 23/12/2009 19:40

Congratulations !
Now put your feet up and relax and look after yourself !

Best wishes

SE13Mummy · 23/12/2009 20:14

This is one of the loveliest threads I've read; congratulations on your baby being in the right place and doing the right things.

Living with the aftermath of recurrent miscarriage and ectopics is a grim time (been there, done that and nearly died from a ruptured ectopic myself the Christmas before last) so it's wonderful to hear such happy news.

Take care of yourself, of your family and let them take care of you too.

FrankCross · 23/12/2009 20:19

Congratulations!

everylittlebeat · 23/12/2009 20:25

I read this from the beginning not realising it was an old thread. Wonderful news - and just in time for Christmas!

ImSoNotTelling · 23/12/2009 20:25

How wonderful! Congratularions

I have welled up too

girlsyearapart · 23/12/2009 20:41

Fantastic lovely news you deserve a healthy happy waving baby after all the heartache.

Merry Christmas

bunnymother · 23/12/2009 20:46

Wonderful news, congratulations!! Am also a little, err, misty eyed at hearing your news! A very merry Christmas to you, your DH and your DS.

ThumbleBells · 24/12/2009 03:17

God, I am such a fool - EVERY SINGLE TIME I don't read the last posts, this happens to me.

Congratulations, sorry to be an idiot and I'm really pleased for you!

Mmmango · 24/12/2009 03:45

Wonderful! What a lovely thread and what an amazing Christmas persent for you all! COngratulations

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 24/12/2009 03:52

Oh, how lovely! How happy! What great Christmas news!

bratnav · 24/12/2009 05:51

Amazing news, congratulations to you

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