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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not liking it when the inlaws say dd (4yrs) has a 'dirty' laugh..(I know I am not, but not sure where else to put it)

27 replies

princessmel · 02/11/2009 11:04

I really don't like this phrase.
I tell them that I don't like it too.

It just really annoys me. It's inapropriate. And anyway, her laugh is cute and 4 year old like imo.

What do you think??

OP posts:
TheMoreItSnows · 02/11/2009 11:19

I get this with my dd (4.5yrs) - I don't like it either, but I take the opinion that they are the ones with 'the problem' if they think that a 4yr old can have a 'dirty' laugh.

Must be a bit much from the in laws though particularly if you have asked them not to do it. Take the 'water off a ducks back approach', and make mental note to yourself that they are odd.....Or throw a hissy fit and ask them exactly what they mean - and sit back and watch them try to explain!!

Original poster
princessmel · 02/11/2009 11:26

I do try to ignore it, but it just gets on my nerves. Last night I snapped back, 'no she doesn't, she is a little girl' .

They then said that has one too.

They do other things that make me mad too (don't all inlaws?) like calling another cousin, (6yrs, boy) gay, a lot. For example, when he's dancing to something on tv.

Arrgh!

OP posts:
TheMoreItSnows · 02/11/2009 11:53

Hmmm they sound mighty odd, could they mean 'gay' in the 'old fashioned' sense of the word if he is dancing?

If I were you I would definitely go down the route of 'forgive my foolishness but could you explain to me what you mean by a 'dirty laugh' - even the oddest of folk would struggle to attach a 'sexual' connotation to a 4 yr old wouldn't they?

They'll struggle, but maybe come up with an 'alternative' - cheeky, or raucous, or whatever and then you pitch in with 'yes CHEEKY, exactly, she has a CHEEKY laugh - let's use that in future shall we?'

My mantra in times like this is 'and breathe......in through the nose, out through the mouth'

(And if that doesn't work - start posting in AIBU under In-Law Hell!!!) I am with you though, it is really horrid to have such an inference applied to your small child...

Original poster
princessmel · 02/11/2009 11:59

Oh yes when I say 'no she does NOT have a dirty laugh, I don't like you saying it' , they say 'oh you know what I mean and usually make some reference to it being a harmless comment.

The gay thing, they mean he is being camp and effemenate(sp). And so what if he is imo.

They say 'look at XYZ , he's so gay, hahaha!' etc.

I have said that I don't want my dc's to pick up on it and use the word gay as a way to laugh at someone, or poke fun at people.

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 12:00

i think you shoudl just ignore it, tbh. they just mean that she makes a yuk yuk yuk kinda noise, not that she's sid james. pick your battles.

Original poster
princessmel · 02/11/2009 12:06

Aitch, I do agree with picking my battles. There are a few things like this that I just try really hard to shrug off and ignore.

It's hard though.

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 12:41

'course it is. but i think that they are just not thinking, rather than insinuating anything gross.

RealityBites · 02/11/2009 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NanaNina · 02/11/2009 19:29

Oh I reckon it's just a slightly old fashioned saying - it means nothing more than "a cheeky laugh" - so why take it so literally. Sorry but some of you mums are SO hypersensitrive about your ILs. Would you feel the same if your own mum/best friend made such a comment? The gay comment is a bit silly but again it's just soemthing that people say who aren't very aware of the need for political correctness. I'm not condoning it but can't some of you mums just chill out a bit about the ILs......?

AitchTwoToTangOh · 02/11/2009 19:31

aren't you a mum, nana?

Hagg · 02/11/2009 21:00

I would hate it, but everywhere children are being sexualised younger and younger. Getting mad will not help. Understanding will. But sometimes there is nothing you can do.
Hugs

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 02/11/2009 21:06

My DD is four and she really has a "dirty" laugh. A real throw the head back, laugh loudly like something really naughty has happened.

I love her laugh, it starts me laughing even when she's laughing at stuff she shouldn't be and I'm trying to tell her off!

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 02/11/2009 21:08

The gay thing's weird. Lots of people say 'dirty' laugh but don't mean it in the sex way- it's just that everyone knows what that means. A proper, cracking up laugh.

pigletmania · 02/11/2009 21:08

why is it known as a dirty laugh cant it be known as a mischevious or naughty laugh, why does everything have to be sexualised. Totally wrong adjective IMO

halfcut · 02/11/2009 21:08

Its just an expression ...not worth getting your knickers in a knot over

pigletmania · 02/11/2009 21:11

They sound totally ignorant to me princess keep correcting them mabey they will come to realise and stop it.

madamearcati · 02/11/2009 21:11

I think its a question of semantics.Different words and phrases have different meanings for all of us.i wouldn't associate a'dirty' laugh with being sexual more like 'up to no good'

SazZaVoom · 02/11/2009 21:12

My DD1 (and DD2 working on it) has a cracking dirty laugh. Tis brilliant, i am with ElfOnTheShelf all the way

Just chill out and enjoy her and if you are upset by a turn of phrase then i'm sorry but you have too few things in your life to really worry about IMO

So yes, YABU

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 02/11/2009 21:14

I'm with Paninied. My DS has a realy gutsy laugh and when he goes, he goes, he totally gets the giggles. I've often thought, wow, that's a dirty laugh, but I mean cheeky. It hadn't crossed my mind that a laugh could be sexualised. I would be more pissed at the gay jibes.

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/11/2009 21:32

ds2 has a dirty laugh

NanaNina · 02/11/2009 21:51

Aitch - yes I am a mum but my sons are all grown with families of their own and I am a MIL to 3 dils and a GM so I often try to post from a slightly different perspective. I just sometimes think that young mums post really trivial stuff about the mils and it just tends to frustrate me. On the other hand I have read stuff about some mils which sounds pretty dreadful.

I think it is so sad that these r/ships between mils and dils seem to be so troubled and of course on MN it is always dils complaining about mils and not the other way round.

I have good r/ships with my dils but I have never interfered in their lives or given advice about parenting. I had an interfering mil when I was a young mother with my first baby and I vowed at that time that I would never be like this when I was a GM and I've kept that promise I made myself all those years ago.

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/11/2009 21:55
ElfOnTheTopShelf · 02/11/2009 22:02

DH has a mum and step mum so dispite the fact I have only been married once, I have two sets of PIL's. The trick is not to sweat the small stuff

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/11/2009 22:38

Elf lol dp's mother has not spoken to him in 5 yrs or so. So I am saved the hassle of having pils'

Twintummy · 02/11/2009 22:47

My DS has the dirtiest laugh. It's contagious. I think of it as a dirty laugh so it doesn't bother me when family/friends and even his teacher have commented on it! Don't think dirty laughs mean anything sexual. I suppose it's a cheeky belly laugh!

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