in being angry with my husband for behaving like a weekend father

[Alvira]

We have a 10 year old DD. Husband/DD's Dad isn't involved in nurturing her growing needs, disciplining her or being involved in her education. Husband loves playing with her when he gets in from work, buys her treats and takes her to the movies etc during school holidays. After a few hours in his company during the weekends and school holidays I find she becomes unruly and disruptive. He lets her do what she wants because it makes life easier for him. Does anyone else have this problem?

yes - I have an ex husnabd that behaved like this -he now complains that his dd will not behave and always wants something - in fact he complains that she only talks to him when she wants money or lifts....

Fortunately she doesn't treat me or others like this, just him.....

mine doesnt even do that so id be counting myself and my dc lucky.

I have a slightly similar thing with my DH. He works away during the week and although he dotes on the kids he doesn't see a lot of the stuff that needs doing so I have to do all the thinking and if I want him to do something I have to literally stand over him and delegate and direct him which almost makes it pointless. I have recently started bringing this up in conversation and it seems he is beginning to get the idea. I think men can be like kids, you need to nag a bit to make changes.

This is going to sound like sour grapes but it isn't, honest, I've had 14 years to get used to it. My ex-husband sees my children once a month for about an hour and has only started to do so in the past year. Prior to this, nothing... not a call, not a birthday card, not a pair of shoes...

So, make the most of what you have. Your DH loves your DD and plays with her - thats important. Presumably he also provides for her. It could be so much worse.

My DH does what HE wants to do under pretence it's for kids.

Y'day DC's wanted to go out on their bikes to the park.

DH took them 150 miles to visit a shop HE wanted to go to.

Valhalla I don't want to sound ungrateful but he is all about the big, grand gestures - wtf is wrong with the park?!

Get Wifework out from the library, describes beautifully how fathers pretty much avoid all the boring stuff e.g. feeding, making sure clothes are clean, sorting out party replys and school stuff etc ad nauseum, but are more than happy to pitch up for the fun bits, particularly if there is an audience, oh and thank yous are clearly required afterwards too.

TBH if your DD is 10, this must be so ingrained that it will be difficult for you both to change the pattern, also to be brutally honest at the minute there is no incentive for your DH to change. He gets to spoil his DD, she thinks he is a fab dad and you get left to pick up the pieces.

Why don't you try a weekend away to see if that helps him get a sense of perspective .

A vote from me!!

My DH is away all week so is, in effect, a weekend father... But, GOD KNOWS, when he's home, we all have to run on his clock!

DS's nap? (He's 17 months) - can be cancelled.
DS doesn't want to eat breakfast? Well, let's not bother.
DS needs another new toy? REALLY!!!??!

GAH!!

DH is a good father, but it does get to me that he gets all the bloody good bits and I get the nappies, and trying desperately to get DS back into a routine on MOnday (Important, given I'm at home with him and my 3 month old DD alone!)

Oh yes, DD... she gets pretty much zero attention from DH.

Vallhalla - while I sympathise with your situation, I think it's a bit disingeneous to suggest that a women who is unhappy with her DH's behaviour should just keep quiet and be grateful that she has a husband at all.

Of course it's great that he plays with the DD, but parenting isn't all about play, and he's not pulling his weight in what should be an equal partnership. It's not fair and the OP is quite entitled to be annoyed.

I had similar thoughts Annie. It's perfectly natural and healthy to tweek what you have been given in life to give you the most satisfaction. After all, no one is asking for anything that is unfair.