..to suspect that all the peopel refusing to see parents at xmas are hte ones

[AlaskaNebraska]

who have kittens when parents dont want to see school plays, 1st birthdays, horrendous 8ths birthdays ?

or not
you cant have it both ways

My mother is dead. She doesn't go to school concerts either so am I excused for not having her over for Crimbo ?

YAVBU. Actually, I refuse to see my parent at Christmas or any other time of year as he's a complete waste of skin.

HTHTiggaxx

Phew - very mixed.

My middle sister had 20+ years of "family" Christmases - her, DH, DS and DH's family, slowly dwindling. One year she was finally able to say "This time it's just the 3 of us" (plus their 2 dogs) and really, really, enjoyed being able todo just what they wanted.

Of course, DS is now half of a couple (buying a house now, too) so there will probably be alternating visits for Christmas Day, and perhaps some years when DS and his partner (if they have any sense) just relax and enjoy it in their own company.

It really doesn't have to be lots of people to make it you know, and while some might love it, others clearly hate being pressured into it.

I don't think there's any point expecting to reach a consensus as every situation is different, and if they don't conform to what any one family/ person expects, so be it !! It would be rather boring if we all did things exactly the same, wouldn't it!

We spend the majority of xmas day on our own and always have done. I would be happy for people to visit but we just don't have the room to accommodate any guests. If I lived in a house where you could move without tripping over someone I would invite people over, although chances are they would decline anyway.

i would gladly never set eyes on my mil again but given that the rancid old bag hasn't got anyone else or anywhere else to go we'll feel obliged to invite her to ruin our few days off together...
hopefully she wont come-but then if that happens she'll expect us/dp to trek down there for a few days with dd2-which is i reckon what she's angling for...over.my.dead.body (unless dp shells out on somesort of uberspa for me to go to while he does the family thing!)

If these people exist, then they are unreasonable.

But I odn't think there are many of them.

Sassybeast, you are being utterly unreasonable not to have your mum over for Christmas. I bet you don't ask her to baby sit either.

OP - I like staying in my own home for Christmas. We did one Christmas at my mum's house, and it was a logistical nightmare, fitting everything we needed for the stay, plus all the christmas presents and stocking presents into the car. In fact, we ended up having to spend over £200 (if I remember right) on a roof box.

When we lived close enough to MIL's, she and dbil used to come over to us for Christmas day, and we did enjoy that. Now we live hundreds of miles from my mum, his mum and his dad (they're separated and he lives even further south than her), so moving the whole thing down to either of them would be even more of a nightmare. My mum might come to us if her health allows.

Lol I have spent every year of my life going to my parents or having them over for Christmas. They have abused me all my life. I had to invite them to birthdays and school plays too. No more. Never again.

My PIL are lovely we always pop round to see them..

This is the first Christmas day I am actually looking forward to wholeheartedly. Ever, and that's 39 years.

I try and stop my parents coming for school plays, 1st birthdays, 8th birthdays and Christmas. It's practically a full time job, but worth the effort. As anyone who's ever met my parents would agree. Some parents really do need keeping at arm's length.

I don't like my parents, or my MIL. My parents do nothing for us and we try to be as fair as possible with MIL (we do lots for her and she does some stuff for us, but not really with our DS who she barely knows as she is stuck in the middle of nowhere unable to drive and we can't spend all our time at her house).

I would love to have an extended family to spend Xmas with but apart from my brother's ex-wife and her family (who are lovely and include us where they can, but have other people to see too) we have nobody to spend that time with where we can all relax.

YABU

I need a wine box in my car. It's the way forward.

Both DH and I have very young parents (stil in their early 50's) so IL's work full time and far too busy to come to school plays etc and my parents retired young and live 2 hours away from us now with their own busy lives. I'm spending christmas with my parents and can't wait. It's a riot, very boozy and will take me days to recover!

Actually I've lied. IL's came to the school Christmas fair last year, stayed for about 10 minutes seemed to have some sort of panic attack and disappeared off (the wine box in their car?)

my mil came to visit us for a few days- i took her to 'rhymetime' at the library and a few of the antenatal group said 'thought mil was coming up how's it going' i said 'she's over there and she was sat FURIOUSLY leafing the pages of a childs book by a miniature train in the same room but not joining in/being polite/civil'
this is one of the many reasons i can't be doing with her breathes

My relatives all live too far to come to school plays and birthday parties, although I think the kids both had 1st birthdays at grandparents house, but too young to have a party as such. They aren't into acting so are rarely in school plays and if 1 of the 2 parents managed to get time off work to go to early primary school stuff we thought we were doing well.
I don't think going to school plays etc has anything to do with how much you love your grandkids.
Some people seem to live in a strange world where everyone is "local" and no-one has to go to work. My kids' grandparents have only retired since they started secondary school.

My parents aren't invited for Christmas. My father is the most miserable fecker on the planet. I don't expect them to come to see school plays etc - 270 miles is a long way to travel for a nativity

No, my father is the most miserable fecker on the planet. Really. I will put him up in competition against any contestors.

He doesn't approve of father christmas, Christmas trees, rudolph, snowmen, alcohol, stockings, any "Christmas play" which isn't based on the nativity story, any "Christmas song" which isn't directly Christian, and he has no hesitation in stating his objects loudly and publicly to everyone in sight. It's such a laugh taking him to a school play or having him around at Christmas. I generally have to go around and warn neighbours and anyone in the vicinity so they don't get too offended, and then I have to do serious debriefing work after he's gone.

I do see my parents, my PILs, my siblings, my BIL/SIL and niece (soon to be nieces), other family and plenty of friends over the Christmas period.

But we have Christmas Day itself at home, just the three of us.

I love my family. I love DH's family. I love spending time with them, and with our friends. We do so regularly and often throughout the year. We holiday together, we celebrate things together, we have fun together.

However one day a year - Christmas Day - is when we sepnd it just the three of us.

Nobody is upset, no one is offended, no one is being left on their own.

If cicumstances change within family and friends then of course we will change what happens too.

FWIW my parents and PILs usually come to DD's birthday parties, and have come to various school events as and when they have wanted too. I never expect them too, but they like too sometimes.

I have two boys and will quite happily not want to spend Xmas with MIL.

She's Ok in short bursts and we get on in lots of ways, but when she tutted me last year as she lifted the bag of potatos out of the cupboard and was shocked to learn they were from Tesco and NOT organic and how the Christmas dinner would not be quite right. She also glugged all (yes all, the two bottles we had) the champagne whilst I was putting the kids to bed.

That was it for me for a while.

phew hulababy there's someone else out there who does something very similar! We are the same, just want Christmas Day to ourselves to relax just the three of us. We also see family and friends throughout the Christmas period. I can't be doing with the stress of hosting the meal on Christmas day, we just have a leisurely time at home ourselves, it's wonderful.

My parents usually come on Boxing Day for dinner.

This year I have invited my PIL, SIL, BIL & Dh's granny for Chirtsmas Day. They live about 20 steps away & i like their company. It's so much more relaxing than my father's company.

Not my mum, she's lovely, I could spend forever with her, but my dad is the mos crabit bastard ever put on the face of this earth & spending time with him is a punishment..... which is unfair to my children on Christmas Day. At least by Boxing Day the kids have calmed down a bit & won't need to be told to shhh, shut up, be quiet or pipe down, which he has said to them in the past...... no, I specifically invited the ILS this year as the sister who usually has mam & dad has said they want a break this year..................... "Oh, what a shame, I can't have them anyway seeing as I have 5 others coming." [innocent smile]

My mil comes to xmas dressed as stuff. You know like christmas trees and fairy godmothers and things

I wouldn't miss it for the world lol

I agree lovechoc

Last thing I want on Chrstmas Day is to be dashing about, run off my feet. We spend the morning in PJs, DH and I have champagne whilst watching DD open her presents, we listen to christmas songs too. We have a lovely dinner, we watch a film, we might go for a walk, we play with DD's toys, etc. It is all relaxed and fun, and no stress

not read whole thread (sorry - that usually annoys me!)

but id have kittens if my parents DID want to see me
ever.

more so as SF is dead. id get a proper shock if he turned up at the school play.

and i quite like kittens....

so thats me done

Here's what i think.

Inviting grandparents to dc's Christening/birthday party/Christmas play Etc is polite. Come if you want to see your grandchild BUT this doesn't equate to having to tolerate someone who is vile/rude/obnoxious to you on the one special day of the year in the confinds of your own home. Also you then have to run around catering for everyone as if you are some kind of domestic servant when really you might want to spend the day doing what you actually want to.

I am of the opinion that if someone is rude and vile to me for 364 days of the year then I don't bloody want want them to suck-up to me in order to get a free slap-up cordon bleu meal on the 365th day.

On the other hand when people get on I would love a full house.