to expect my DH to take the train to work??

[alfiesmadmother]

Can't stop crying about this today- stupid pregnant woman!

I'm heavily pregnant with 3 DC under 7. We are a one car family. It's half term this week and I have had a week of bored kids/park/nothing to do- it's not been too bad, the kids have been great. We live out of the way with only a corner shop, which is fine really.

Today I addressed the issue suggesting DH could have left the car and caught the train/ bus. It would be a 30 min train journey and a ten minute bus drive. He said if I had told him I had specific plans he would have but i would have to pick him up- so drive through rush hour traffic into town then back with him at tea/ bath time. Fair enough.

But is it unreasonable to say he should actually leave the car for his pregnant wife and 3 kids as a priority and make his own way too and from work?? That he should put us first and let us have the car for half term even if we didn't have specific plans.

Just need to know if I am being a selfish over emotional (bored, fat, fed up) pregnant woman!! And what do other people do?

[CarGirl]

40 minutes on the train reading or listening to ipod is hardly a big deal really.

[ImSoNotTelling]

Oh whoops he normally drives all the way?

He ought to be getting the train really, for some reason I assumed he was driving to the station

[alfiesmadmother]

Thank you so much for all your replies! I can't believe I have wasted 24 hours getting so upset/emotional/angry about this!! I took the kids to the park yesterday and the bus missed on the way back. We were stuck for an hour by a busy road, I just felt sorry for the kids but I guess it toughens them up and teaches them to behave.

We had a massive argument about this last night so now he has come over all stubborn and said fine I will take the bus 'just in case you need the car' , after telling me to stop my moaning! I guess I have always caught the bus as I worked 20 minutes away on a direct bus route and he has go so used to it. Even though I only worked 2 days now I am on maternity leave ( and feel like an elephant) but the car was his really- even though we bought it together and pay together.

So now I feel really guilty thinking poor DH if I don't need the car I an manage fine at home- and half term is over so it's too late now anyway

I really don't think he has meant to hold the car from us- but I just wish he thought like me - nice as he is it just does not occur to him how hard it is with 3 little ones and a bump, swollen ankles, rotten weather etc But I guess having to work every day isn't easy anyway.

This morning the issue of another car came up- I so wish I had a little run around- but we really don't havethe money. DH suggested borrowing the money but then I would feel guilty justifying having two cars, when some people can't even have a car. I guess one car is the price I am going to have to pay for having so many children

Still depressing though!

[nellie12]

why would you feel guilty about another car. I dont think we can afford a second car but I wouldn't begrudge anyone else another car - especially if you have 4 kids to cart round.

If he is willing to fund another car go for it. btw if you have 4 kids he gets the run around in my book.

[juuule]

I think you've got to get over guilt tripping yourself.

Think seriously about whether you do need a car or not or whether you are okay planning ahead to use it. Maybe you split the week so that you have it on certain days and your dh has it on others, then plan days out around it.

If you decide that you need it quite a lot then don't feel guilty about getting a second car if your dh feels that he needs the car for work.

You should be able to work out something between you.

[mamas12]

why are you putting yourself and the dcs last.
I know he has to earn a living but that's it isn't it. You are living with £ dcs and another on the way.
I am so shocked that you live like this while he is in seeming luxery. Petulant behaviour too, not at all a caring way to go about looking after your family is it.
Start sticking up for your more alfie. and put the family priorities first. You need the car he gets the bus.
Stop feeling guilty if it wasn't for you there wouldn't be a family for him to come home to so stick up for yourself

[tinierclanger]

Or perhaps get him to take a couple of days off or the weekend to look after the kids while you go away IN THE CAR and stay with a friend/your mum to have a rest and some pampering time. And then he may be more conscious of why having the car helps so much.

[blueshoes]

Agree with juuule.

I can understand your hormones are all over the place. Plus having 3 dcs ...

I find it helps to be more organised and plan ahead for half term. Ask for the car if you need it, with decent notice - don't expect him to read your mind.

Treat maternity leave as if you were at work, only you are looking after the family, rather than doing a paid job. That means thinking ahead which activities you are going to do on which days and what you will need to do it, giving dh ample notice ...

Because I had playdates and activities booked out for quite a few days during the half term (not every day has to be planned), it was clear I would need a car to ferry children around to tennis. I would need to buy ingredients for making a cake if that was one of the playdate activities etc.

Sometimes I do think the logistics of running a family (and your is big) is very challenging, more so than doing paid work.

[WebDude]

As someone has suggested - get over feeling any guilt about using the car and 'depriving' him of it - he's (AFAIK) healthy, and certainly not carrying a "bump"

He could surely use public transport BOTH WAYS 2 or 3 days a week, every week, and you must not feel any guilt about it - your needs are greater than his, as someone else indicated, just doing things to keep DC occupied/ fed/ happy is a job on its own, and something you're coping with, even if things didn't go as smoothly as they might have (with some 'consideration' from DH) over half-term...

Don't feel that you're "putting upon" him or depriving him - he's probably really just not thought it through, and a runaround car would only be considered because he so resents acknowledging you need the car just as much, if not more, and that when it sits outside his office all day, it's really far from useful for either of you - just makes his life a smidgen easier, where it would make significant difference for you, were you to have easy access!

Even if he does the main shopping once a week and needed the car for that, it's only ONCE A WEEK, but you have responsibility of several youngsters and don't need the stress of arguments over it - he should back down if he has an ounce of care in him !

[mamas12]

Yes forgot to say Why do you have the car on condition you pick him at the most inconvenient time?
He is an adult he can get himself home on his own can't he. He expects you to with a bump and three dcs. WTF
Be kind to yourself more alfie honestly.